Bipolar Check-in #85

I'm doing good today. I slept pretty good last night. I'm back on track with my valium but I only took one this morning. I worked out this morning while watching TV and now I'm doing laundry. The same several pairs of blue jeans and plain black t shirts I wear. I rarely switch up what I wear.

Anyways, I'm just hanging out today and tommorow I have stuff going on with family. Probably late in the day.

Quote:

Originally Posted by raspberrytorte @Scooter9 I'm worried about you. 😟 Why did your psychiatrist take you off Prozac? Did he give you a replacement med? Are you tapering off it? I'm sorry your family seems to be so frustrated with you. When is your next psychiatrist appointment? I hope you start to feel better.

I am concerned about you too. Why are you off Prozac, and are you on an alternative antidepressant? I don't know if it would help, but have you ever tried a SAD lamp? I know they don't work for everyone, but it was a life-changer for me. I was so, so close to going IP for the depression, but after a week or so, it began to help and it helped more once my pdoc suggested I up the time from 30 min to 1 hr. I can't remember, do you see a T or not? Have you been able to work out lately, or just go for a walk, exercise is not a cure-all but can help some.

I hope things start getting better for you

We finally got our Christmas tree decorated yesterday evening! I was wondering if we'd make it this year.

It's weird for me; at first, the SAD lamp seemed pretty disruptive to my sleep (first week or so), but these last couple of weeks, I'm sleeping much more soundly.

That being said, I was still pretty tired this morning from working out hard yesterday, so I did a pilates video, nice and calming. After my shower, I went to Panera Bread to pick up a loaf of French bread to go with dinner tonight along with a breakfast sandwich. Came home, read & used the SAD lamp, did laundry (there's ALWAYS laundry!), sketched, had lunch. My sketching didn't turn out too well today, I didn't seem to have the patience for it. But it was still calming.

Going to read some after lunch, maybe work on a new Spotify workout music list.

Christmas tomorrow shouldn't be a big deal. We were invited to dinner at some friends' house, but their kids are both sick, so that may be off (I kind of hope so). Still have Christmas with my parents, sisters, and extended family on the 28th. Now THAT will be a pain. Too many people in one house, too loud, too much, I just hate it. I will be so glad to be done with it. I wish it could just be my sisters, my mom, and my grandmother, but there's also my dad and 3 sets of aunts and uncles and 5 nieces & nephews. It's too much stimulation for me.

Thanks @raspberrytorte and @Blueberrybook.

I have to stop Prozac because I got accepted into a psilocybin trial and they needed me off Prozac for it. I started Lamictal but that caused liver issues years ago, so I'm pretty nervous about being on it again.

I woke up at 4am to someone yelling in my house. It was one of my kids yelling obscenities over the phone. I got up, and told him to take it outside. Not having that at home, I had enough yelling while I was growing up with an abusive father.

I feel really horrible. The brain zaps, joint pain, depression, anxiety, the list goes on.

I see my pdoc at the end of Jan. She said stopping it wouldn't be a problem. Yeah, right.

My kids accused me of overreacting and saying crazy things. I said, no, I stand behind the things I said. I explained how it doesn't matter that they want to blame me, go ahead. They need a scapegoat, I volunteer. I explained that I've had enough of the situation I find myself in at home and that I formally withdraw from day to day activities.

Not my problem anymore to be in the middle of things. People want to be upset? Not with me in the middle. Do I want to get upset? Disappointed? Do I want to shower when I like? Brush my teeth? Change my clothes? The list goes on. They watch everything I do. Well, no more. They can watch what they want. I don't care.

@Scooter9 Can you call your pdoc's office once the office is open after the holidays or is there an office emergency number? It sounds like you're in pretty rough shape, and things have the potential to deteriorate a lot with your family relationships in the space of a month. Take care of yourself (((HUGS)))

My mom and I are both weirdly sick with colds all of a sudden. At least I'm hoping its just a cold. My cousins wife tested positive for covid and I had dinner with my aunt on Thursday. I never got my covid booster.

Lol. Why does this keep happening.

You are all welcome to the virtual Christmas dinner thread over in General Social Chat. What will you bring? Here's a link. Merry Christmas everyone!

Good evening, I took a couple of naps today. Yes a couple lol

Tomorrow my sister is stopping by so we can exchange gifts. She’s also bringing some lasagna she made so I’m excited about that.

I managed to read for an hour straight today which is typically hard for me lately because my focus tends to be so bad. I might actually read more tonight as well. Just in a reading kind of mood today.

I took some time to write out my goals/things I’d like to do for the new year. Anyway, I feel pretty good today. No dissociation today.

My neighbor got my cat some temptations treats for Christmas. That was really nice of her. They were by my door with a little bow wrapped around them. These are Mustachios absolute favorite type of temptation treats too. She loves the catnip fever kind. She always does something nice for my cat every Christmas

@Blue_Bird My cats go crazy for the temptations catnip flavor treats as well! That was very sweet of your neighbor Hope you have a wonderful Christmas tomorrow!

Had a great time at my daughter’s. I gave my granddaughter oodles of art supplies and she started right in, using everything. Bought her a book on how to draw she was using that then got the painting supplies out and painted me a picture of outer space with planets. 🪐 we had lobster and cheese biscuits. Siri was playing Christmas music. My daughter bought me two art lessons from an artist.

It was nice just the 5 of us plus cookie the dog, in a big house with music. Nice and calm. I was invited tomorrow but that’s too many people for me. Tomorrow my plan is to watch the parade then read awhile then at 7, I’m watching Call the Midwife.

I had a rough night of sleep again. When I normally go to bed, some symptoms spiked and I was wide awake. It took me forever to fall asleep but, once I did, I managed to sleep for a good amount of time. In the middle of the night, I did cancel the volunteer shift at the dog shelter I had signed up for because I knew that if I didn't sleep I wouldn't be in a state to go in and if I did manage to fall asleep, I would need to let myself sleep in.

I did sign up for a shift at the dog shelter tomorrow though. I was given a couple movie ticket passes for Christmas so I might also go see a movie. My friend did invite me over to her house, but I didn't hear from her until the last minute and, in all honesty, I really don't want to go. I will miss seeing her family, but I'm a little hurt by her because she is starting to not respond to my texts more and more (even though, I found out from a mutual friend, she is responding to their texts). Also, I just don't really feel like being around other people (I woke up a bit depressed this morning).

A highlight from today is I made it to Mass, after Mass, I got myself to some gas station treats and took them by the pool while I read for a bit. I was dumb and had an energy drink later than I should have though so we'll see if I pay for that. Given my bipolar symptoms acting up, I probably shouldn't have had one at all...whoops.

Thinking of all of you who are struggling this Christmas season.

Was having a terrible Christmas Eve when along came the highest Scrabble game of my life! 621! It's my first 600+ game ever! WOOHOO!!!

I’ve had a wonderful Christmas Day and I hope you all do too

Raining Christmas morning so no walk for me. My cat Midnight is scratching the blinds and the sliding glass door crazy to go out in the thunderstorm. Just did pilates then I need to shower & have breakfast. My daughter went to bed late, so presents might be awhile. That's okay. I'm going to wrap my presents to myself (which are books).

Woke up at 5:30. Drove around in the dark trying to find a coffee place that was open but even the Starbucks that’s usually open on Christmas is closed! So I just came home. Just wanted to say have a good day to Caleb but he won’t answer the phone. I’m supposed to be at my mom’s at 9:30.

Everybody is here except N3. He’s coming later. N2 is making cinnamon rolls for breakfast from scratch! We’ve got a fire going in the fireplace. Presents when N3 gets here this afternoon. I’m so excited to see if N1 likes the coffee books I got her. One is on the history of coffee and the other is part history part coffee recipes and equipment and snack recipes to go with the coffee. She is making us coffee with some of her coffee equipment she brought. I’m waiting to have mine till Tim gets back with the oat milk.

Merry Christmas! I feel ok but kinda blah. I don't have the full blown cold that my mom has but I can sort of feel it coming on. I didn't feel like I had the energy to do my full workout and stuff like that. I did some though. I slept ok last night. I had some weird dreams. But overall it was a good night. I took a shower at 7 and I've been watching a Christmas Story all morning and I'm waiting for my sister to come over and hoping they will be here before 5.

Sketches in the spirit of Christmas. Some trouble with the sleigh though:

Love the sketches Blueberry!

Merry Christmas! I’m just waiting for my sister to come over. When she does we’ll exchange gifts

Marry Christmas 🎄

I slept in. Missed the parade. But looking forward to the Call the Midwife drama on tonight. Have a new book to start and food in the fridge. It will be a nice mellow day.

My phone was exploded with merry Christmas gifs. Even from cousins in other states. That was sweet.

Well I’m gonna go to the virtual Christmas on here and check in.

N2 and bf went home for a couple hours to get showers and get out of their pajamas. N2 got up early to make the cinnamon rolls. We’re having popcorn in various flavors including chocolate. I’m tired though and could use a nap. Was up at 5:30.

I’ve woken up on Boxing Day with a terrible headache and head cold and just feel yuck, physically.

Tidying up our holiday home we head back this morning.

My son is excited to see what Santa couldn’t fit in his sleigh. It’s a trampoline! Now to find someone to come and install it sometime soon because it’s sitting in a box and I’m not going to wrestle with putting it together lol.

Oh, my day changed. Was planning on reading but got called down to play 500. That was fun. But oh am I hungry now. Got the sides in the oven the ham goes in about 10 minutes.

But nothing is going to deter me from watching call the midwife at 7pm.

Merry Christmas everyone!!! ❤️

Currently at Husband's mom's house. We've unwrapped presents and everything. People are playing scrabble in the kitchen and I'm just hanging out with Daughter in the living room on the floor. I got some nice gifts. My favorites are a pair of black kitty slippers and a hot topic gift card. My husband's mom got me ths black pajama-ish set, just to lounge around the apartment in, and she got me a size medium. I was like, "There is no way my big *** is fitting into a medium!", so she's exchanging it for a large. Whew. I think I must look smaller than what I actually am!

Daughter was very happy with the gifts we got her. And the cats were happy with theirs too. 😊 I kind of spoiled our cats with gifts and treats this year.

I guess it's been a good day so far. I'm tired and am ready to go home, but dinner isn't until 6PM. I'll survive.

Hope you all are having a good Christmas day (or had, depending on your time zone)! Cheers.

@Nammu Enjoy CtM! I'm very tired so waiting to watch tomorrow night. I have to go to my mom's to see it so it takes a little more energy than just turning on the tv. We just got home from my sister's (2 hours each way) and my cat is now demanding my attention. She's been alone more than usual the last week while I've been baking cookies and the like. Tomorrow is all Abbycat, all day (until CtM. Even she can't prevent that). After last year I wonder if they can top themselves. I think last year's Christmas episode was my favorite episode ever.