Bipolar Check-in #85

I agree-sunflower seed butter is delicious!

Irritability continues to get worse/interfere with my ability to get things done. And, today I started getting teary eyed out of the blue for absolutely no reason. I messaged my pdoc today to see if he had any appointments available sooner than when I have one scheduled in about a week and a half so we can try to figure things out. Apparently, he was working today because he messaged me back within 30 minutes and said he has an opening tomorrow. I'm so grateful! This mood episode has been so weird with how symptoms have been combining in ways they haven't before. Bipolar disorder is a unique form of torture.

I got a good amount done today. Went to Mass, went to the store, read at Starbucks for a bit, went for a walk, cooked what I'll have for dinner the next few days, and prepped for returning to work tomorrow. My bipolar symptoms have prevented me from being planned as well as I should be this week, but at least I have enough for the next few days. For one subject, I'm planned for a month. It's the subject that I plan with another coworker for that I only have a few days worth of stuff planned...

The bottom has fallen out. I thought I had reached the bottom end of my low mood, but it looks like I can go even lower.

But I have to keep up the stupid facade of being "fine" because no one outside of my treatment team wants to deal with the details, not even my own mother.

So I fake it and everyone is satisfied with that. It's incredibly superficial but that's what it is. So I live to see another day with the family intact until I can't stand the stupidity of this situation anymore, at which point I can just f-off and leave my family alone.

Quite the life eh? It's just BS all the way down.

@bluebird and @June08 I have had sunflower butter and I like it. I like the chocolate kind too. I used to get the individual packs.

I feel good this morning. I took my AM meds early which included the increased metformin. I went to 1000mg. I ate a protein bar and I fell back asleep. I woke up and my anxiety was under control and my moods were fine and and so was my depression. My stomach feels perfectly fine. I worked out a bit and now I'm out of bed and watching TV in the living room. I don't have any plans today.

Yes the chocolate kind is great too!

Still feeling really bad

Got 9 inches of snow and ice yesterday. It’s snowing again today. Off work today

wtf man. You're in Kentucky, right? How tf is KY getting more/bigger storms than New England? We don't even have a consistent coating here, and our biggest storm so far has been like 5". There's a small ski area that's offering free lift tickets all season, but they're not open because no snow! (But don't worry, it still gets cold af and windy enough to knock out the power every now and then)

Sorry it's gotten worse and your family isn't helping at all. I'm still rooting for you though

everyone on this board is a effing badass. It might seem sometimes like a worthless fight for each day of survival, but each day we make it through is a battle of survival that we've had a good long streak of winning, proven just by the fact we're all still here. Stay strong, my friend. Not every battle is going to be as easy or hard as the next. I hope you get a break from fighting soon, soldier.
(Idk if that was corny as Nebraska, but there's a good sentiment behind it I promise)

I hope today you and your pdoc come up with an effective plan. Let us know how it goes when you can.

Unique form of torture for sure

@Blue_Bird - I am so sorry you are still sick. Can you go to an urgent care or your regular doctor? Sometimes sinus infections that drag on can be caused by bacteria instead of a virus, and a course of antibiotics can help you get over it. Or your COVID test could have given you a false negative?

@June08 - It sounds like you may have a mixed episode? I am so glad your pdoc can get you in earlier. It sounds like you are really struggling Kudos on being so productive despite everything.

@Scooter9 - Sorry you are having such a hard time. Can you see your pdoc sooner? Have you ever tried a SAD lamp for depression? I got one for around $30 on Amazon. It may sound crazy, but a SAD lamp actually started to help me within the first week of using it (approx. 1 hr daily). Of course, others with bipolar have negative experiences on it, but before I tried it, I had some of the worst depression ever, SI thoughts all the time (pretty much constantly daily), thoughts of "oh, I should just take a few handfuls of these different pills, see what happens" thoughts involving wishes about guns (which we do not own for that very reason), etc. It couldn't get much worse. I hope you find something to help with your situation, it sounds pretty terrible.

Quote:

Originally Posted by MuddyBoots Sorry it's gotten worse and your family isn't helping at all. I'm still rooting for you though everyone on this board is a effing badass. It might seem sometimes like a worthless fight for each day of survival, but each day we make it through is a battle of survival that we've had a good long streak of winning, proven just by the fact we're all still here. Stay strong, my friend. Not every battle is going to be as easy or hard as the next. I hope you get a break from fighting soon, soldier. (Idk if that was corny as Nebraska, but there's a good sentiment behind it I promise)

Absolutely! I have had this feeling many times! Despite all the hills, valleys, mountain worthy of Mt. Everest, everyone on this board just keeps on going. We are all champs!

I've been feeling quite well this morning, a bit less edgy than I was yesterday (though yesterday wasn't all that bad, just some slight agitation). I am pretty level and calm, even happy, I'd say.

I had a productive morning. Since it got cold here (around freezing last night), I didn't walk but stayed in and did a pilates video. I showered, read around an hour with the SAD lamp, washed & folded laundry. I am making a 15 bean soup for dinner tonight as comfort food for the cold, and I sauteed sausage, chopped onion, and minced garlic in preparation for when I start the soup later this afternoon. I had a lot of fun drawing today, was quite profilic, drew 6 pictures. My 3 favorites are below, the rest in the Creative Corner Forum.

I’m so tired. I took a nap but I’m still tired. I’m not used to being sick. The last time I was sick was in January of 2024 with Covid. The last time before that was in January 2020. I went 4 years without getting sick even once. I rarely ever get sick. I go years without even a cold. So when it does happen I sit around complaining to myself about how horrible I feel lol I have no tolerance for not feeling well. I’m not gonna lie though whatever this is its knocked me on my ***. I don’t get how I can have this much stuff coming out my nose for so many days. My head feels like it’s underwater. And I feel achy and sometimes feverish. And tired. And a sore throat. The first 4 days of it were just diarrhea really bad sorry for tmi. Then it changed to the severe congestion and sore throat etc. My apartment is a mess and I can’t clean it right now because I am too worn out to get up and it’s driving me nuts cause I hate when my apartment is messy.

But good news I have Gatorade coming today I bought. So that’s good. Good to stay hydrated.

I feel bad for older people in flu season. Idk how I’d handle this if I was like 60 or 70 years old. I’m 30 years old and it has me knocked on my *** completely.

I might try drawing later. I need to do something other than laying here scrolling on my phone and drifting in and out of sleep all day.

idk but its baaaad here. we were nto prepared thankfully i nver lsot power

That's good you kept power. This past year's been crazy, I'd be looking at my family in NC and GA's posts on FB and they're getting more snow than us. There were days my aunt in Florida had cooler, sometimes even drier, weather than us during the summer. Not right!

I hope you guys handle all that white shyt/gold as best as possible though. If you had ice mixed in there, I'm assuming it's not good snowball fight snow (gotta love the feeling of shards of glass pelting your face)

I have to get blood work done for my appointment next week. I was thinking of putting it off until like Wednesday but my brother has a doctors appointment this afternoon so I could just go to the labs while he is at the doctors. It makes the most sense. Its just going to get colder. I get the creeps being out of my house at 2:30 in the afternoon lol. I never got out of my work schedule so 1PM is considered late for me and 4AM means its almost time to get up.

I think the metformin is actually helping with my mental health and I googled it and it does say it can help anxiety and depression.

That along with the increase in Prestiq and the daily workout I do.

I’m doing good. Had great dreams last night. Was in a stone castle like place and learning to count money in a foreign currency. Then was in gondolas with a group of us learning foreign languages. We we collecting money, then a gondola full of food came by and we practiced talking and buying food that was exotic.

Well gotta go out in the cold today to get my meds and buy more cheese. Brrr it’s cold out there but no snow or ice, plus the sun is shining today. I don’t want to go but I’ve put off getting my meds, they’ll restock them if I don’t pick them up today. Have new insurance I need to show them. What I pain I tried activating my vista card from them but no luck and the phone numbers are all automated no way to talk to a live person. Makes me nervous.

Blue bird one time i was blowing my nose after an especially heinous sinus infection, after taking antibiotics so it was finally clearing up, and it was like this gif i swear.

I dont want a bucket list, i want to list my top ten life experiences. This was one of them!

That is hilarious unaluna

I scheduled a sick visit with my doctor for Thursday morning. Hopefully chances are I’m feeling better by then but if I’m not at least I have it scheduled.

i cleaned my car off and it was easier than the last ice storm. it just glazed here not heavy like where my granny lives an hr north of here. It was over 9 inches. id say 10-11 at least. and thankfully no loss of power but the city is shut down. work is closed for both me and hubby today and tomorrow.

I'm feeling much better. Got my eyebrow pierced today. It hurt like a *beep*. It was great! Next I'm getting the medusa. That's REALLY going to hurt. Bring on the pain! HAHAHAHA.

I actually slept a bit better last night and I haven't been paranoid or anything, so maybe the negative effects of the light therapy lamp have finally worn off. That would be great! I've actually been feeling pretty good. 😊

SAD lamps are evil. 😈

I'm in Wisconsin and we haven't gotten much snow either @MuddyBoots. It's just been really cold.

@Blue_Bird

I hope you feel better soon. Being sick sucks.

@Blueberrybook

Your drawings are great!

I pushed myself and got my blood work done today. I am so proud of myself because pushing myself is really hard. But my mom went with my brother to his appointment and I went to the labs. I checked in with no issue. It was so crowded. I just sat down and didn't make any trouble. Unlike people who were grumbling about the wait and their lab orders and stuff. I got called about half an hour after I checked in and they had some plebotomist who I swear used to be a drill seargent. He wasn't loud or rude but I just did what he told me to do and excatly what he told me to do because he was a bit intimidating. Then I went and found my mom who were still waiting to be seen. They finally got called in and I sat and looked at my phone. 2 woman came in and then some nurse came in looking for a Sue and asked the 2 ladies if either of them were Sue, but didn't ask me which made me really happy.

Anyways, all that hoopla is done with and now I'm at home.

My son is begging me to take him to the skatepark this morning but I’ve got a nail delivery that should be arriving in the next 2 hours or so so he’ll have to wait until this afternoon. Unfortunately it’s not the delivery I wanted today. I’m really waiting for my nail art pens to arrive so I can draw sunflowers on my fingers. It will complete my yellow manicure…..