[MuddyBoots]

What do I do?

I had a pdoc appointment today, and nope, now I have to wait until late January to talk to her because I'm a fkin dumbass who can't tell time.

I "needed" that shyt. Apparently. It was gonna be useless probably, but ughhh. My mmooods have been all over the fking place I'm hallucinating every day I'm self harming in some very creative ways I don't know how to eat. For the past few days the only time I don't feel things SOOO INTENSELY I'M GONNA CRY is when I'm high af which was not last night.

Possible trigger:

Genuinely considering (trying to) end it tonight, but probably just trying because I swear to the flying spaghetti monster I'm as immortal as sharks.

[Victoria'smom]

Please stay safe tonight. I really care about you and would miss you. Do you have a GP you can see? Try to get medical to cover protein shakes. I'm sorry you have to wait until January. How often are you supposed to see your pdoc?

[Blueberrybook]

muddy can you call a helpline to talk? Please go to the ER if you do not feel you are safe. We all care about you and want you to take care of yourself

[NovaBlaze]

I hope you can find someone to talk to directly or face to face, even if it’s a telephone support line for people in crisis.

You’re not stupid for missing an appointment, or confusing the date and time. This happens to me a lot, because I suffer from panic attacks and anxiety. My mind races all over the place and I make mistakes in putting things in my calendar or on my phone reminders, or just get confused on the day.

I can’t begin to imagine the stress you are under, but I hope you find a way through this.

[Nammu]

*sits with muddy*

[MuddyBoots]

Thanks guys. I am okay at least at this second. It's really really loud and I'm probably just gonna cry until I have another emotional whiplash.

My PCP is basically useless even if I can get an appointment with her this month. How often I see my pdoc depends on how well I'm doing. Lately it's been every 4 weeks (my last appointment was the first week of November).

[Tart Cherry Jam]

I second thr protein shakes idea.

Please keep writing. We care about you.

[MuddyBoots]

I got a hold of some protein shakes (and propranolol apparently. I wish it were propofol)

[Nammu]

I have to admit there are days I’d like to have propofal

[Frog4Life]

@MuddyBoots a missed appt is difficult especially when you are in dire need of one. Can you call the pdoc nurse line to see if there is something they can do for in the mean time? I'm sure we have all been there and done that. I have to use three different methods of keeping up with the appts and even then I get them screwed up. Sometimes time passes quickly and even more debilitating when we are in our own head. I have a really bad concentration issues. I can never find anything and here lately I can't even keep up with the days. My life whirs by me and most of the time I am out of it. So no you are not stupid, it happens to the best of us. Be gentle with yourself. I hope you can find an alternative to get the care you need before hand.

[Fuzzybear]

muddy