Bipolar Check-in #87

I also walk gimpy now. Gonna do the Tylenol for now.

Went to my daughter’s house today. She’s doing an awesome job redecorating. She’s painted 4 rooms so far. They are also going to take out the carpet and put in wooden flooring. Her husband has allergies and hard floors should help with that.

I slept great last night. Woke up early and got going.

Prayers for @MuddyBoots - I know how she can be - very much like I am when I am in a state, hope she's okay.

Today was a really good day but kind of crazy. I woke up super early to straighten up my house so my friend could come over for a while, (The Oxford House rules is you have to leave from 9am to 3pm) She doesn't have a job and I didn't want her to wander around aimlessly - all we had to do was get some stuff from her mom's house this morning.

BUT -

She got arrested again, OMG. We got to her mom's house, and we had to call the sheriff because she can't go inside without permission, (restraining order), and when they got there, they ran her license and found that she had a warrant in Virginia. When they were handcuffing her, I was so scared they would take me too for just being there! (I know they do that sometimes) I was so scared for her and me. Apparently, it's just a ticket, but they took her ALL the way to Virginia. It is after 6pm and I still haven't heard from her - I hope she's alright, been praying for her it's all I can do. But they totally blindsided her, apparently, they "missed" it when she was in jail ALL week last week. Really? I am shocked beyond words.

This has all been on my mind today. I went to Adoration to pray for her and everything and spend time with the Eucharist too. Didn't make it to the gym, but I think I will get there tomorrow. Just a crazy day and not what I expected. Hope everyone had a good one!

I am so sorry about your friend @LadyShadow! How awful! I hope things are all right for her

Oh, I’m so sorry shadow, how scary! It seems like things are just cascading for your friend. It’s nice you tried to help her.

My mom's being less than nice about my husband getting a job and me navigating the city to get to my appointments. And the idea of me getting another service dog in training before mine passes. It's very frustrating. We have to save up for my husband to finish his classes. There's so much stress and she's acts like working is a hobby and he can take time off whenever.

I took about an hour nap this afternoon. I feel decent now. I got some laundry done. Enough black t shirts and blue jeans to get me through the week. People probably think I never change my clothes not knowing I have a ton of black t shirts and jeans. I dress kinda like Wayne from Waynes World.

Anyways I feel fine. Just kinda here.

@Nammu I just realized it's only 6 days until Call the Midwife on PBS!!!!

Ooo I was just wondering when the midwife would come out. Thanks for the heads up! Can’t wait!

Just got home from a meeting with the volunteer group I'm thinking about working with at my church. I didn't really stay and chat afterwards. But, I plan on emailing a woman who has kindly been teaching me the ropes with a question or two tomorrow. It would have been best to stay and chat, but I'm proud of myself for getting out of my comfort zone and attending another meeting. Baby steps.

Work was fine. In three of my classes, students were presenting (and will be tomorrow too). I enjoy watching these presentations-so far, the kids have done a nice job on their projects.

Tomorrow, administration is forcing all the junior high teachers to participate in a team building activity. This has the potential to not go well so we'll see what happens.

Too many pages to go back. I hope everyone is doing OK. I'm soooo broke. I spent so much money this month. Some were necessities, like my new velcro wraps which a a hundred each. I bought my one sister flowers which came to over a hundred.

My sister who had the stroke had surgery to remove the tumor on her spine. It went well. She had the surgery last Thursday and is already walking! She will be in the hospital until Wednesday and then she's going to st. Luke's for rehab.im so broke and I wasn't thinking ahead so I wasn't able to get her flowers. I bought new towels and new washcloths. All my old washcloths were Grey. My towels were white and Grey except for 2 which were rose pink. So I bought towels in pastel colors and same with the washcloths. Idk I just went through money like crazy this month.

I'm trying to change my sleep schedule. I can't keep going on where I go to bed at 3:00-3:30 and getting up at like 7am and being up for 2 hours or so then getting up at 1pm. It's just not enough sleep. I really do need to go back to the sleep dr but bc I'm on medicaid he'll start me off on the cpap and it makes my mouth and throat so dry that in the middle of the night I'll just rip it off and I'll cough and cough for like a half an hour. So it makes me not want to use it. When you're on medicaid, if you don't log on enough hours a night they just take it from you and they're done with you. What I really need is a bipap. But I should at least go and see what they say. Maybe the rules have changed.

I hope everyone is well!

We are going to the doctor today for the follow up from the crash. I say we but mom has already been to the doctor on an emergency basis and to the emergency room. Her nearly 90 year old body needs additional help to heal. My shoulder, neck and chest have mostly healed although there is no way I’m getting that scheduled mammogram in early April. Uh no. My right leg is still bruised and unstable and my lower abdomen is still bruised with hard knots under the skin that make movement painful. This event has led to a delay in me getting cardiac care and put my Ozempic journey on a back burner. I try to have lean proteins, vegetables, smoothies and salads but it’s really what I can get mom to eat. She gets more fragile and seems to shrink away daily.

I don’t want to go to the doctor. I just want to be left alone. I’ll go though.

Somewhat depressed and sad. I did have a meeting with my med provider yesterday and asked to come off of or decrease 3 anti-depressants anyway.

I hope everyone has a peaceful day.

So sorry @Sunflower123 that you're feeling a bit depressed. You've been through a lot - allow yourself time to heal, things will get better.

Sorry you've been struggling with sleep @Iloveanimals25 - I struggled for many years without my CPAP. It's true you have to use it regularly or they will take it, but honestly, once you start using it you can't live without it. I hope you find a solution soon.

Thank you so much @Nammu and @Blueberrybook - it was so scary yesterday, and I still haven't heard anything from her. I really hope she doesn't call me and ask me to come to Virginia. I have such a hard time saying no and I know how desperate she is.

Today has been a really good day so far. Got up really early and watched cartoons on MeTV - they have a cartoon variety show at 7am with Toony the Tuna that is really funny. I wish it wasn't so early though!

Anyway, I have a very busy day planned. I am going to an AA meeting in a few minutes, coming back for a work interview, going to Adoration in the afternoon and going to try to squeeze some time at the gym. I feel really good for the day, and the CPAP says I got 7 hours sleep which is really good. A little fatigued, but I am so grateful to not be in the same place I was in during January and February - I was literally laying on my couch till 3pm every day because of the Risperdal Consta shot with absolutely no hope.

I felt like getting all dressed up today too. It's going to be another 70-degree day with lots of sun. I found a really pretty shirt in my closet that I never wore too. What a nice day for it. Hope everyone has a great day!

@LadyShadow - You are beautiful! What a nice picture! Good luck at your interview!

My day has been going pretty good. After a couple of low days, I'm feeling better and I don't know if it's because I used the SAD lamp longer or because my hormones have settled down after PMS and the start of my period. I did pilates with a pretty tough arm workout at the end of the video. Showered, had breakfast, and read with the SAD lamp. Art was fun today; I did 3 pics (all in the creative corner). I used my watercolor pencils for the first time to color a bird of paradise flower. I think it turned out pretty well.

HUGS to all struggling and hope everyone has a wonderful day!

I’m having an okay morning. Can’t complain. Not sure what my day is going to be like at work today. Had a kid yesterday who yelled aggressively “Shut up!” to me because he refused to sit in his designated seating plan and I asked to speak to him outside. Considering he’s already said “F—— you!” To me once and nothing happened I would hope he at least gets an after school detention. He also left class after yelling shut up for half an hour and was just running around the Year 8 centre doing laps. I see his class Period 1 today and I’m hoping he’s not going to be any trouble……..he has an intellectual disability but that doesn’t mean he gets to act how he pleases. There are basic school expectations and he’s definitely not meeting them.

I had therapy today. We just talked about the stuff I have this week. She laughed when I mentioned histrionic personailty disorder. Something about projection and internalized transphobia.

I was silently hangry so I stopped for food on my way home.

I need to drink a ton of liquids tommorow for the CT scan. They like put this kinda medicine in you that slows your heart. Its not just a regular CT.

“ Something about projection and internalized transphobia.”

What does this even mean and what is the link to histrionic personality disorder?

Confused.

Good afternoon. I took a walk outside this morning. Been reading some stoic philosophy stuff lately. Also took a nap this morning. Then in the afternoon I got on the treadmill for a bit. Now am writing out definitions for studying music theory.

Oh also sat outside this morning and read for awhile.

Just been reading a lot in general. Gotta go to the pharmacy tomorrow to pick up my meds. Feeling pretty good.

Yeah my current therapist is great and is a lot more effective than my last one. This current one I’ve been seeing for 5-6 months and she’s already been more effective than my previous one who I had been seeing for 8 years

saw gastro doc today. thankfully she cares about me and my awful reflux bc she upped my med for a while and gave me carafate to take on bad days. i hate taking it but its nice shes tryng to prevent gastritis from recurring. im prone to it. my whole family has GI reflux and tummy issues. we all take at least one med. my liver enzymes are being tested tomorrow. i may have to get a liver biopsy and that terrifies me but im glad she takes it seriosuly. shes happy with my weight loss but i need to lose more. she said aim for 5 lbs for next 4 months before my followup with her in july.

Today was just a really good day. Had some difficulty at Adoration when I was spending time with Jesus because my mind was wandering as to why I didn't get an email today. Jesus reminded me to focus on Him, and to leave those thoughts behind. I went outside to sit by the church with Him, and He was reminding me of all the beautiful things around me and all I have to be grateful for. It really is amazing when you spend time alone or in the presence of your Higher Power, things seem to fall into place.

Went by a Hallmark Crown store on the way back and picked up some Easter cards and presents for my friends. I am going to be mailing out a couple of boxes for my friends for Easter because of how happy I am about my baptism. I have to remember that my ex is working on himself and bettering his life, so I should be doing the same and not waiting around for him to contact me. I know you guys said I should leave that alone, but it really is extremely hard to do. The one thing I give myself credit for is not dragging in some poor other guy into the mix, whose heart I am just going to break because I am not over my ex. For Lent, I stayed off the dating apps, Reddit and social media, and it seems to be going well so far.

Still haven't heard from my friend who got arrested and taken to Virginia - I saw a girl from her Oxford House today that said they aren't holding her bed, so she has nowhere to go again. I feel bad, but I can't make her problems my problems.

I hope everyone had a fantastic day - it was a bright, sunny 70 degrees here today and I took full advantage! I love your flower picture @Blueberrybook !

so I have a dentist appointment tomorrow with a new dentist because I only have so many. We'll see what there plan is. If I can get the courage to tell them they aren't just falling out or breaking on me. My husband is going with me so let's hope.

Just redid my butterfly, but nope. Still can’t draw a butterfly. I did the first one last week and was itching to draw again though I finished drawing this afternoon. Did a fair maple leaf and wonderful cat eyes. But the butterfly still eludes me. Think I will do one every week or so until I get it.

I slept great and got earlier but still having trouble with motivation. I need so badly to do my laundry, it’s piling up but I have enough clothes that it can really pile up before I absolutely need it. I did finally go downstairs to socialize a bit. Not for a terribly long time but I count it as a win.

Not much to report today. I'm mainly dropping in to say hi.

Yet another coworker is thinking about leaving because of how bad admin is treating some of us. If she leaves, next year I'll be the homeroom teacher (for my grade level) that's been there the longest. That's weird to think about.

Mood is still pretty good.

I hope everyone is able to sleep well!

Hello all, I slept really good, then walked to the bus stop and took the bus to the pharmacy to pick up my meds. I'm just relaxing now. Getting on the treadmill later today. Other than that, practice violin a bit and read, enjoy the day. I almost ran into my old manager from my job I was at for 3 months. He was at the pharmacy outside smoking a cigarette facing the other direction. He was really nice to work with. He was the actual manager, but the assistant manager there was a toxic jerk which is mostly why I decided to quit that job in addition to being overwhelmed by retail and it taking a toll on my mental health.

Anyway, I'm just enjoying the day, hope you all have a good day