Bipolar Check-In #93

Just having a really good couple of nights but I am becoming weary of spending a lot of money lately. Although my last big purchase was for an air fryer which I really think I need because I need to stop microwaving everything - things are starting to taste terrible. But I am slowly creeping up in debt again, and I want to save the credit cards for my car should I need repairs for it.

Other than that, things have been going really great. Focus is better, and I am doing a lot of things for myself rather than waiting around for a phone call. Money is really starting to get tight though as I am thinking ahead to Christmas season. I want to be prepared.

Welcome @sjohnson1103 !

@Victoria'smom Sorry, I meant to send this yesterday but got distracted. How is the puppy doing?

I'm feeling better this morning. My stomach feels ok and my mental health is better then yesterday. I slept well even without melatonin.

I was having some weird dreams but not any weird thoughtsm my nephews are coming over today. My mom had orginally told my sister no because she didn't think I
Was up for it. But I said it was fine they had been asking for "Grandma Time." Without my 2 year old niece around.

I wake up sick with anxiety and stress every morning for work bc idk how im gonna get everything done

Wa this a mistake?

I got pinned-down downtown yesterday in Friday afternoon rush hour on this holiday weekend. It should have taken me twenty minutes to get home. It took two hours. Funny, when i stay home it seems like this is a small city. But yesterday i realized it really is a sprawling metropolis.

One of the things which delayed me was that i slipped and fell in someone's spilled drink in a mall downtown. I hurt my knee. I told F about it when i got home and she just stared at me like a vegetable. What is wrong with people that you tell then you had an accident and they don't say simple appropriate words of concern? Very angry with her.

Good morning , tomorrow I’m going to the rose garden to take some pics of all the roses there. I booked an uber ride for there and back. I slept pretty decently.

I painted with my friend last night and it was fun to chat and paint with her over video chat. Cheered me up because I was really struggling last night with a lot of self hatred.



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She's all over the place just like other puppies. She's learning to wine to go out but we have to run with her outside because she doesn't tell us soon enough. She's growing She starts training next week. She gets a treat whenever I eat or take medicine So later she can remind me that she hasn't had a treat which depending on the time is my Que to eat or take medication. I got unkibble for her treats and freeze dried topper.She likes to meet everyone but she gets so excited that she pees. I think she's going to be a good dog for me. The goal is for me to ride the handicap bus with her by my side.

We have decided to rent this place as long as possible. until hud says no. Then apply for an affordable condo. We are saving 40% of are income to get use to what HUD takes. But we're using it for my husbands schooling So he'll be able to start in October and then her has like a year and a half of really hard work before he's a BCBA. Me I'm taking all the ACE credits I can but don't know what school to transfer too. End goal is Georgia tech with an AI endorsement.I wanted to do UX but I know I don't have it in me to argue for my designs.so I'm not doing that it's too people oriented. On other awesome news I took nix outside on my own for the first time ever. Also we loose assistance come October H starts his new schedule Tuesday He has 21 hours vs 9 hours. He's a bit bummed that he has less time with his current client and their parents wont be happy but maybe the other kids need his help more. We've decided against a car unless we move out of the city We save about $500 a month with no car and $500 can get you a lot of ubers. and bus passes. So I'm signing up for the disabled bus which costs more then the regular bus but it's Door to Door Which I will need. So a lot is happening but not at the same time.

I love those flowers @Blue_Bird ! They are so well painted! I struggle with a lot of self-hatred thoughts too, sometimes they can be overwhelming, I totally understand

About to drive to my parent's house to feed their cat and water their plants. Hope it doesn't rain this morning - it's been raining up and down the SouthEast this morning. Going to treat myself to a bad movie this afternoon too. They did a remake of "Toxic Avenger" and it looks god awful, lol. I can't wait! I could use a nice day out after being stuck at home for so long.

My new air fryer comes today too - I am really excited. Going to look up all the stuff I can make with it - I am going to pick up some tater tots or French fries this afternoon after the movie.

Things aren't so bad - I have to stop thinking so negatively. Also found out they sell Strawberry flavored Slimfast by the bulk, that should be good for next month.

I get high off the smell of pissing strangers off for no reason. It smells like them giving me total POWER over their feelings... and all just because I crossed the street when no traffic could legally go through my path! How simple things give you CONTROL over other people!!

Slimfast is great for losing weight if you replace meals with it and great for gaining weight if you add it to meals. Growing up my dad would give me them instead of actual food and I was always in like the bottom 5th percentile for my age in weight! And then my pdoc wanted me to gain and told me I could add those in if they were cheaper than Ensures (I didn't end up trying them for that though, I mean I get full after like 5 bites of food or 5 sips of water and I'd rather get full on cheaper food or at least protein shakes than meal replacements named "Slimfast" I mean it doesn't look good when someone that looks like they just did meth for a month straight buys those and nothing else at Walmart and then realizes it's Sunday and walks 5 miles back home because she thought she was going to take the bus, but noooo, it's Sunday so fk people that want to go out to places not exactly walking distance away and THINK they can walk there and pay for a $1.25 ride home says my city.)

(I may have a little bit of childhood trauma from Slimfast, me realizes, haha. But hey, at least I didn't completely starve to death so why should I care?!)

I feel ballsy today. Maybe I'll start a "pro-life campaign" based on ALL life where doctors can't prescribe antibiotics or remove cancer cells because LIFE IS FUKING LIFE and what's the difference between human meat suits (and ALL cells within them) and colonies of bacteria and all sorts of fungus and trees and animals? We only survive by killing! So we should just exterminate our own parasitic race because we kill fungus and bacteria and trees and animals! I NEED A BULLHORN!

I don't know how I'm doing to be honest -- I'm doing all I can not to think about my situation. I'm tackling four languages at once and trying to change my appearance....

I just want to be OK.

Hi everyone, Hi Brentus,It sounds like you are so busy - I can't imagine learning 4 languages at once.. even if I was manic! I've changed my appearance and it was a lot of effort to prepare all my new outfits to my comfort level.. but once that was done, I was really happy with the results and I haven't looked back. wish you luck with everything!
you have inspired me, i've been meaning to work on my language learning, I am feeling stuck today have been so slow for awhile and just don't want to start doomscrolling spirals..

Today has started out rough. I woke up in such a bad mood. I had to go to the grocery store with my wife, which is the first time I have left my house in weeks. I hate when I pick fights with my wife, I am just so irritable all the time. But then we talk through it, and I just feel so guilty because I snap at her over absolutely nothing. I am hoping that now that we are settling in to watch a movie, it will be a good distraction from how I am feeling. I am so thankful for my wife though. She is also bipolar and has been in treatment for it for about 15 years now so she is understanding that I am still trying to figure everything out.

Welcome @sunrisedawn!

My studio is a bit of a mess due to how depressed I've been. I'm telling myself that if I clean this weekend I'll let myself by a new water bottle. Water bottles are one of my favorite things to buy and I've wanted a new one lately.

I took a caffeine pill thie morning. Then I had 2 iced coffes and I still couldn't stay awake. I fell asleep for about 1.5 hours. My mom said don't worry about staying awake rIght now.

I feel bettee now. And I'm nof anxious

I've been watching the new season of Project Runway. I know Ethan as Utica from Drag Race.

I bet the theme of the Today Show this Halloween will be Broadway

Hello and welcome sunrisedawn

Hi everyone

Sunday morning here. Not much to report. Bad sleep last night. Woke up multiple times. Decided to get up and make a coffee at 6:45am which is not bad all factors considered. Just sitting on my bed playing on my iPad and my son is sitting on my bed with me playing on his iPad. Should just be a lazy Sunday. Nothing imminent planned.

Welcome @sunrisedawn and thanks for checking in @sjohnson1103

Great to see you both here!

Ariel! Sweet kitty!