Bipolar Check-In #93

It’s taking over my life yes. Friend are telling me to get out now. If I go back to my old employer as a csw and not peer I’ll lose $15k a year but I’ll have weekends and holidays off again and less late nights. But I don’t hate it here completely. I’ve been here 5 weeks. I like the work itself as a csw but too much to do

Well I was right. No carpel tunnel and nothing with my elbow. Back to unknown reason for my pins and needles. I have no pain or loss of grip so I knew it wasn’t carpel tunnel. I know tons of people who had carpel tunnel and all of them had pain. The PT took care of the pain in my neck. Gotta remember to keep up with the excercise.

Blue 🐦 bird your cats look happy!

My new priority is managing my energy. I've been struggling with exhaustion all year. I did well early in the day, being quiet with my neighbors in the dog park and just listening to them chat. One man asked me if i was alright and let me know i'm still a member of the gang, so that was nice.

Late this afternoon i got reckless at the mall tho and was not mindful and mismanaged my energy. I squandered it on pursuing futile shopping. So hard to keep my brains intact in a mall. So many temptations. So i'm exhausted now and couldn't eat my dinner. I just drank some milk.

I activated my online dating profile again and have connected with the man i was interested in, but neither of us have attempted to chat. I'll wait for him to go first. It's probably futile because he's ten years younger than me and men age so well in general, it's doubtful i have the energy to keep up with him.

@HALLIEBETH87: I'm sorry to hear things are so overwhelming at work. Those *DO* sound like unreasonably long hours. If it's taking over your WHOLE life, it does seem to be unsustainable.

@June08: Your fetish for water bottles inspired me to buy two nice ones and attempt to drink more water. I'm looking forward to it. I'm sick of Coke Zero. It makes such a darn mess, all the half-filled cans littering all the surfaces of my home, and creates a garbage crisis, not to mention it's unhealthy and expensive.

Hope you enjoy your fidget stuff, I have a wide variety of stuff I use now. Have you tried the spinners? Those are fun too. Also textured rubber worry stones are nice. I also have a ring I found online that’s meant for anxiety, like it spins around so it’s another thing you can fidget with to help with anxiety or focus.

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I’ve just been sleeping all morning. Waiting for my gp appointment. Think she might give me antibiotics for my stomach.

I've been using the fidget cube all day

I had a spinner awhile ago. My favrite thing that I've gotten is this big squishy stick of butter I got from 5 below. I have a cheese cube too that I like making completly flat and it taked a couple hours to get back into shape.

I'm glad you like them. They are very helpful

I felt like passing out while I was in the bathroom. I've actually only passed out once in 2017 when I was in the shower and doing the 8/16 intermittent fasting

Anyways I got back to bed and my BP was 99/79 but my pulse was 125. I just am chilling out . I turned on the air

@JaneOnceMore I hope you enjoy your new water bottles!

I learned something new from my students today-a yellow ribbon is used for suicide awareness. I had only ever seen green for mental health and teal/purple for SI. This came up during a meeting for the club I'm helping with that focuses on promoting mental health around the school.

I'm having GI issues that I'm worried I'm going to have to go to the doctor for. My POTs could be causing them. First, I'm going to try some over the counter remedies,

Today was a good day at school. In one of the subjects I teach, they have their first test this week. Students don't always do well on the first test of the year because they think they don't have to study. Then, they realize they're in middle school now so test prep has to look a little different than it has for them in the past.

Painting I did/finished today, been working on it for a week or so.

I’m tired but I don’t want to sleep yet. I took a nap earlier today. That’s the third day in a row I’ve taken a nap. I think it’s my morning meds kicking in around like 11am that just kinda knocks me out for an hour or so. I don’t particularly like sleeping a lot but it’s not the worst trade off for stability.

I’ll probably go to sleep around 11 tonight. I should probably listen to a calm app sleep story before bed to unwind. It’s been a long busy day.

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I’ve been up since 2 am!

I thought yellow ribbons were for people coming home from war. Like you would tie it around a tree. Idk. I did it in scouts one time a couple years into the war with Iraq.

I thought the world prevention of suicide was yellow/ orange? I don’t know it was a long time ago that I was an advocate. Maybe they changed it to yellow.

I know I've been talking nonstop about it. But I wish I could skip the prep and the hospital stay. It just seems like a lot.

My prep starts at 8AM. I guess they really want it clear. To be honest I have no idea if we have toilet paper. Lol.

I took off the bag of Doritos I've been sleep eating. My therapisit is just doing bs talk. I got the answer about the cause of my muscle aches from ChatGPT.

The band I like is coming out with a new album on October 5th. They already have a couple songs out I like.
I watched the music video for their song Ordinary Creatures and its so good. They are basically just driving through the country in Iceland. I really like it

Whatever happened to wildfiire and christina. Also bpcyclist was really helpful.

I swear I'm going to go insane as soon as it hits midnight. But Gatorade is fine to drink. I can drink tea too. Not sure if a sweet tea from Dunkin Donuts counts.

I'm hoping to lose most of the 77 pounds I gained in the last couple of years.

I messaged my pdoc about the surgery and pain meds. I'm not sure tramadol or oxycodeine will go together with my valium

But I doubt he wants me in pain.

I hope he gives me an answer and doesnt want to talk to my doctor.

So no antibiotics but no work for me tomorrow either. Need to let this gastro work its way out my system by itself. She said to eat probiotics for gut health so I should have some yoghurt but I’m not really hungry right now. I managed some crackers and cheese earlier on.

I haven't cried or been in emotional pain for almost a week. I think that'a a big win for me. Another amazing night of love, laughter, good feelings and fun. Things have been this way since I went to Confession and promised God that I wouldn't do the thing that always makes me feel so guilty and bad and I haven't. Maybe I might be making too much of it, but things are going really well, so why not.

@June08 I don’t know what GI symptoms you’re having, but the OTC thing I’ve found that helps me the most is peppermint capsules. If I remember them before a meal, after becomes less torturous.

@Mountaindewed not sure how bad the interaction is, but I think tramadol is the weakest opioid of them all, and if you’re in a hospital they should be able to time it so the interaction isn’t full force (if you stay on an opioid when you get home they should be able to tell you how long to go between doses of opioid/benzo, and maybe to make it easier they could switch you to a benzo with a shorter half life).

Forecast has a 90dF day in the next week. I hope that number goes down as time goes and they make more accurate predictions! I already put my summer clothes away.

The YMCA’s pool is back open though! I’ll have to check out when it’s least busy the next few times I go because those lanes fill up quickly and I kinda hate having to share a lane.

My pdoc said going back on a stimulant in the future isn’t out of the question but it probably wouldn’t be Adderall again. I was complaining about Straterra not being nearly as effective and it being so much harder to avoid drinking until I can’t get off the ground just to chill tf out most days. She did increase the dose though so I hope that helps somewhat.

Good morning. Looking forward to Bible study with @LadyShadow later tonight.

Anyway, I slept great. 9 hours of good quality sleep according to my Fitbit.

Hope you’re all doing well today

Got my pumpkin spice cold brew concentrate and syrups for the coffee. These are just gonna be a once in a while treat definitely not an everyday thing. Maybe once a week at most

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If I had access to
All
That I couldn’t
Stop at once a weeek

Mmmmmm

Thankfully my anxiety will stop me lol it’s not decaf so I can’t be drinking it all the time otherwise I’ll have panic attacks. Have to be really careful with my caffeine consumption

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I cut my seroquel in half, in addition to cutting my loxapine in half, and with taking 20mg of melatonin before bed I've actually been sleeping rather well (of course I've always been a good sleeper, even when I'm manic I still get three to four hours a night).

My poor daughter is not enjoying 8th grade at all. She's been mournful before school and after school for about an hour. She said everyone is really annoying.

@JaneOnceMore

I admire how much you get out and do things and are social! All I do is sit around the apartment all day really, except for when I go out with my husband and daughter or therapist. I'm sadly still in love with coke zero too. Lately it's been the orange cream flavor, but mostly I drink ginger lemon green tea. I limit my coke zero intake to a twelve pack a week as a treat. I should try drinking more water too.