Bipolar Check-In #93

This morning was busy. I got a few emails about some stuff. I ordered. Cancelled this one thing I was going to go to in October and reschedule my dentist appointment from September 5th to November 3rd. I also got a message from my doctors saying it was fine to use the Nystation, and a message from my therapist.

I thought I saw my weird neigbor walking by my house. But she isn't around right now and cant drive. My mom said it wasn't her but I think it was. She had the same hair and the walker.

Lol like we're scared of a neighbor whos walker we could just flip over if she started to get aggressive.

Hip hip hurrah! I was able to pick up my medicine. Got a text this morning that the pharmacy was open. So just in time. But Walmart was closed! They had a power outage so no tea or milk! Got back and was able to park right in front.

I slept great last night. It took me a while to get to sleep, but once I was I slept til morning. Can’t remember my dream but it was nice.

Yeah I should have , I didn’t think of that he does look proud a big improvement from how he was a couple days ago. He’s completely back to himself now

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Good morning everyone

I teach 5 out of 5 classes today. Yuck. It’s going to be so busy I barely know how I’m going to eat lunch. Will have to wolf it down between Periods 4 and 5.

Do. Not. Feel. Good.

I swear, if this lasts much longer, I don’t think I will be handling it well. Or at all.

What’s wrong?

Does anyone else think their animals know when you aren't right?

Gary has been all over me lately which gets Crookshanks jealous and then he wants my attention.

I'm getting convinced I will never be able to eat solids again at this point. I tried having a single Saltine while heating up leftover soup and felt full after and then tried eating the soup but sharp stabbing pains (this was like an hour ago and I had only actually held down a package of Welch's fruit snacks this morning and couldn't eat for 8 hours after that).

I’m
Tired of working 11-12 hrs a day. It’s exhausting and their demands are impossible to meet. I feel overwhelmed and stressed and this always leads me to be unstable. I need to amp up my self care and take klonopin

I'm getting by on benzos today. It's one of those mornings.

I am freaking RAGING right now. How dare that literal mother****er use a picture I took without my permission to elicit donations.

Another incredible day. Got a reimbursement for the pink roses for the Legion of Mary meeting - wasn't expecting it, so that was nice. We had a nice meeting and I got my assignment for next week. It's not on Sunday so I get to pick up a cake for my dad's birthday and enjoy time with mom and dad. This week is turning out amazing so far - the weather has been so good, I have been dying for some fresh air in my house.

It's going to be a busy week, but I think I can handle it. Hopefully everyone is having a good week too. Glad you got your meds @Nammu !

Texting with a close friend. He's feeling more depressed today than usual. I feel bad for him. But I can't do anything but listen and he's not saying much. It's going to take weeks for him to move into the house he's found. His coping techniques aren't helping a lot today. It's hard being on this side of things! I'm always the sick one. I feel helpless. It's not the same fear though that I feel when say some one of my kids is in the hospital. But it's still not easy. He’s not saying much. He’s watching tv.

Took a 2 hour nap in the middle of the afternoon. Just got really tired all of the sudden. Feel good after it though.

I have therapy first thing tomorrow morning. I spent an hour reading today. And also watched a movie (K-Pop Demon Hunters on Netflix, it was great). Did some cleaning in my apartment too.

Probably gonna read some more before bed, been a nice relaxing day.

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@Nammu: Glad you got your meds just in time and had a good sleep -- so refreshing.

~~~~~~~

Feeling restless but it's 8:15pm on a Tuesday night. What's to do?

I went to my drop-in today but i wasn't a big hit like i've been recently. I'm in this weird space where i don't want to answer any questions. I feel like i'm being interrogated when people think it's socializing. I'm just gonna say, "Whatever," if i don't want to answer a question.

If people want to share a funny story that's okay, but i'm tired of being interviewed and asked to perform for people. I'm not a dancing monkey. F is bad for that, always pushing the questions so she doesn't have to share any info about herself. It's a way people have of being secretive.

I think this intrusive method of socializing is being exposed in pop culture now for the strategy it is. I heard someone mocking, "The 'follow-up question,'" on the radio or TV. It's not real socializing, it's a protocol, a formula that is based on fundamental inequality in a relationship.

School was kind of a lot today-not because of the students though. We just had a tough, but needed, meeting after school. And, I made a decision that some of my coworkers probably didn't love about what our modified schedule will be for tomorrow. But, I just proposed an idea that a coworker suggested and admin supported. it It is what it is-my anxiety is probably making it a bigger deal than it really is.

I've upped my seroquel dose again-to 50 mg like my pdoc said I could if 37.5 mg didn't feel like enough. At 50 mg, I'd say the depression is virtually gone. I'm still waiting to see if/how it will help my anxiety. Despite the depression being virtually gone, I still get SI from time to time. In all honesty though, I don't know that I'll every completely get rid of SI. Bare minimum, I have a feeling they will be a regular intrusive, but not tempting, thought that I have because my anxiety can fuel SI thoughts.

Hi everyone,

I drove myself to 2 pharmacies this morning and went inside both of them. I successfully interacted with several people. I finally found my wife’s birthday card after looking for weeks. Then, my brother and I mowed and edged the front yard. It was nice getting outside even if it was 92F. Yesterday was the 6th anniversary of my son’s passing. I handled it okay. But today it hit me. The grief comes right back. Tonight I’m starting a new sleep med. I hope everyone is hanging on okay.

I think i might be allergic to kiwis. My whole mouth hurt when i ate one just now. Especially my tongue. Google says symptoms can show up right away or four hours later! I don’t want to be up at 1:30 a.m.!

I am sorry to hear that your son died 6 years ago. Grief comes in waves. be kind to yourself. We are not supposed to bury our children. I lost my brother to suicide back decades ago. I believe he was 34. Left a son and his son is now a father of 2 children and is very bitter Saying he would never do that to his children. Anniversaries are hard. My brothers birthday is 8-29th....
It is so very hard on the whole family. peace be with you.
bizi @gary290

I was feeling like total crap until I realized I needed to eat. I ate and felt better but now I feel sick again.

I just realized Jungle Jims sells kangaroo meat. And I found out today that kangaroo is illegal to eat. I wonder it they are doing illegal ****. I know they sell camel meat
A store I used to live by had the legit banned Kinder eggs. I would buy them every once in awhile because I felt edgy buying something illegal..

I have this bad pain in my left leg. Its been an issue fot awhile. The doctor said my knee looked swollen and felt warm but the ultrasound was fine.

I think its just muscle aches from my stepper and my liptor can cause muscle and joint pain. So I don't think its a go get an xray kinda issue.

I ordered the jello juice gatorade and popsicles that are ok. I also got 2 really loose pajama pants, a few flannel shirts, and another Needoh ball.
.
I'm getting kinda tired and lately I've just been like "you are going to sleep and you are gonna like it"
Then I just force myself to fall asleep.

I got some liquid benadryl and ita fine for my anxiety but its kinda useless. But my sleep at night has been decent.

I got some hopefully good news today.

I get Emsam from patient assistance and have for about 13 years. They've always shipped to my doctor and that's been a problem when the mailroom at the hospital has misplaced the order. Once my pdoc even had to call and ask them to send another box of meds because it was lost for good. For a long time after the pandemic my pdoc's office sent them to me via UPS but when the hospital said they had to use the postal service we had trouble again so now I go see her in person and collect my meds every so often. I like seeing her in person and will continue to do so but I just found a way to maybe not have to go on a set schedule during snow storms or if I'm not feeling well. And I wouldn't run the risk of having tor drive up there (5 hours round trip) just to grab a package of meds, which has happened once or twice.

Anyway, they told me today that if I can get a pharmacy to send a letter saying the meds can be sent to them and they won't charge me and my pdoc sends a letter agreeing I could have it sent here to my local pharmacy! That would relieve so much stress. Times like right now when I just opened my last box of 30 patches in my current dose and now have to rely on the mail system to get my pdoc my patches by my appointment in 2 weeks get stressful. I'd love to not have that stress anymore.

Ooo high drama in the senior high rise tonight. It was going well the meeting was almost ended when the woman I was supposed to be babysitting suddenly rose up and pointed at another woman and accused her of manipulating her. The woman who was pointed at got up and left. Then somebody yelled at the First Lady for her outburst then she stormed out. Really, I thought we were all adults here?! Guess I didn’t do my job, but in my defense I thought the worse was over and let down my guard. General talk had started up and I was tired. Lip reading in groups is hard. Soo drama!!!

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mountaindewed Does anyone else think their animals know when you aren't right? Gary has been all over me lately which gets Crookshanks jealous and then he wants my attention.

My cat Lego lays on top of me when I feel bad. He’s very intuitive.

Quote:

Originally Posted by bizi I am sorry to hear that your son died 6 years ago. Grief comes in waves. be kind to yourself. We are not supposed to bury our children. I lost my brother to suicide back decades ago. I believe he was 34. Left a son and his son is now a father of 2 children and is very bitter Saying he would never do that to his children. Anniversaries are hard. My brothers birthday is 8-29th.... It is so very hard on the whole family. peace be with you. bizi @gary290

That you @bizi That was very nice of you.

For the 2nd time in a week I forgot my 11 PM meds. That includes most of my sleepy meds. I knew I was so, so tired when I got ready for bed but I've had trouble with not sleeping as easily without a PRN since lowering my klonopin 2 weeks ago. I thought it was just that until it dawned on me a few minutes ago.

I'm also very, very hot tonight. It's about 50 degrees out and I have my window and front door open. I think it's a hot "flash" but it's been going on for a long time.

I can't believe I did something so stupid twice. It's not like I'm not used to taking these meds; I've had that handful of meds for years.

I forgot my AM meds Tuesday too. That's my stomach meds so I was nauseous all evening.

Some days.....