Bipolar Check-In #93

Hope you enjoy the crochet class @Nammu ! I’m in the process of learning how to crochet as well. My building now has a monthly crochet class

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After months of struggling to motivate myself to practice violin I managed to practice for 30 min today. I’m so glad I did , I really missed it I just struggle with procrastination sometimes due to perfectionism paralyzing me.

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Oh, I’d love it if my building had a crochet class. We do have a monthly craft class. I’ve made a felt teddy bear and a flower picture.

We also have a group that gets together to make posters for protests of the president. We’re part of the 50, 50, 1 project.

But a crochet class would be fun.

IKWYM. But all you do is turn the thing around. Crochet looks pretty much the same back to front, except maybe opposite! Just pick a hole and continue crocheting! (If its not the right space, pull it out and try again. You really cant go wrong!) The first piece i made was a white single crochet wool scarf. Unfortunately i shortchanged each row until i figured it out then started increasing my rows, and ended up with a very concave-sided strip. But at least it didnt bunch up around my neck!

Was a very good day today. I went to mass and it was very emotional for me. I had a great day at my parents too. On the drive back, I was the only one on the highway, and I just felt at peace. I think I have been upset for so long, I don't know how to be happy.

I am hoping for a phone call tonight, but I don't think it's going to happen. I live my whole life waiting for a phone call and its no way to live. I have so much of my life to live, and I have every opportunity to do so. Watching My Name is Bruce with my best friend now, trying to distract myself. I don't want to be miserable anymore.

My bouquet , I have so much to learn

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You are very creative @Blue_Bird!

The day began with absolute rage and maddening frustration. Personal stress, missed medications, and disrupted sleep all came together for a miserable night and morning. But now it’s happier. My wife, daughter, and our other family member are watching BigBrother. It’s the one thing we do together as a family. The show doesn’t even matter. It’s just spending time together.

Living with our ‘family member’ is going well so far (day 2). He’s pretty out of it and has significant memory loss, but is pleasant. The OD and ECT have taken their toll.

I’m not sure how things are going to go. There are no answers or guarantees as to how things will work out. It might be a positive outcome. Idk. I need to stay open to being positive and helpful even though I get frustrated.

It’s been a bipolar day from hell this morning to pleasantness this evening. I took my evening meds and pray for a good night’s sleep. I need it.

I had a hard time sleeping last night and am very tired tonight. Hopefully I'll get to sleep on time tonight. It's finally nice and cool which should help. My ceiling fans are off for the first time in months.

Tomorrow I have to get a dental crown. I'm not looking forward to that. I metabolize numbing agents rapidly and so a crown means I'll have to be re-numbed at least 2 times. Sometimes they try numbing different areas to help which means I feel a lot of the injections. This one shouldn't be that bad though based on where it is. I have to get another in October and that will hurt more because I'll have to get the numbing that numbs part of your nose. One at a time though.

Does valium last long in your system or something. I Still feel perfectly ok with just 3/4 of one. I do have 3 for tommorow and my pdoc should call it in by then.

Good luck with your crowns! I have two- top two front, center teeth. I broke one biting into a peach pit by accident. It was an old 1982 fix from when I originally broke that tooth- someone pulled a water pump handle straight into my mouth! (I was 10!). So after it broke off in 2022, half my tooth was missing so the dentist told me I’d need both top front teeth ground down and replaced with crowns. Otherwise they wouldn’t match. So far so good!

I had a rough night. Had a bad panic attack last night. Then in the middle of the night I rolled over in my sleep and fell off my bed and hit my head on my night stand and landed on the floor on my back. I know I’m gonna have massive bruises.

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It’s the benzo used for anxiety with the longest half life, so easiest to stop compared to Xanax, Ativan , Klonopin, Librium.

I loved that it was still dark at quarter past 5 this morning. Feels like calmer, quieter times are coming.

Feeling calm and orderly. Did laundry yesterday. Used fabric softener and it came out smelling wonderful. Waiting for Mr. Fedex Man today. Will probably do an order of groceries. Shame over my outrageous behavior during my recent episode of high mood but it's manageable. I just tell myself it's in the past and everyone will forget about it. Watched "Perfect" again yesterday, a movie from 1985. I had forgotten that John Travolta was in it. What a beautiful, beautiful man.

Please watch and get your thyroid levels checked while on lithium bc my dr didn’t do this and now I’ve got an underactive thyroid for life

I worry. Long term benzo use causes dementia. It why my old job didn’t prescribe them only stuff like vistaril. If vistaril helps I would just take that

Doing laundry. Gotta get Vraylar at the pharmacy then go grocery shopping. Busy day.

I talked with my pdocs nurse and shes calling it in. Also the solution I need to drink is ready and one of 2 antibiotics I have to take before the surgery is ready. I'm kinda freaked out I have to take antibiotcs the day before. Its 12 pills total.

I feel ok today. I slept well and I had valium for today. I'm just preoccupied

Supposedly you lose a crap ton of weight after getting stricture surgery since you have a limited diet for awhile and even after thaf you have to eat smaller meals.

I tried solids this morning and am getting incredibly nauseous as the day goes on. Have a feeling for dinner I’ll be tasting the breakfast I already ate.

@MuddyBoots

Do you think you should go to the doctor about your digestive issues? Something like that would make me very nervous!

Got my errands done!

Today is N3 and gf’s first day of the Fall semester at university! N3 went and scouted out where his buildings are yesterday. Turns out the vast majority of them are in the same area.

Yup. I’m waiting to hear about a GI referral since April. (Pretty much same thing is happening again) Mentioned it to someone that works with my CM about it last week.

I got mine checked while on lithium. But the one time my old pnp didn’t check them they got too high and I ended up in the ER shaking uncontrollably with the room stuffed full of medical personnel! Now my thyroid is shot and I have to take meds for it as I have low thyroid- permanently it seems.

Good morning everyone

I’m feeling calmer this morning and might just be able to go without a benzo. It’s not a bad day on my timetable so I think I got this. Just tired because I’ve been awake since 4:15. Nothing that 2 lattes can’t fix.

Today is the start of 7 days worth of rain! I won’t see sun until next week sometime. Not looking forward to it ESPECIALLY those times I’m on yard duty outside. Yuck. Will be wearing rain jackets for the next week.

Next week Monday is spring. My second favourite season. I’m sure I’ll post more about it closer to the time but I am AMAZED I managed to get through winter without being depressed!