[EsotericalDaughter]

<font color="purple"> To be perfectly honest I don't know why I joined this website. I suppose it was out of annoyance and perhaps a bit of hope. I gave in and searched the net for answers, and when I came upon a page about Bipolar disorder I saw myself looking back at me through the jumbled up words and list of symptoms. I have always been this way but recently after the life line I found in a friend moved half way across the world I found my mental state growing worse. Before I would act irrationally and of course grow angry for no obvious reason. However lately I've had this heavy mass on my shoulders and dull feeling through out my brain. I once wrote beautifully without much thought, now I am lucky if I get a few sentences out after a long night of writing. Nothing seems to help, not even listening to music or going out with friends, the dull feeling always remains. I would compare it to being a lucid zombie, not alive but aware of your existence and actions.

Then at random I will get a spark and create something amazingly beautiful or become extremely hyper and talkative. Yet, within a few hours the feeling is gone and I go back to the living dead feeling again.

I'm unsure of what to do, going to a therapist seems a bit pricey and I hate the idea of indulging in self pity as I have seen others do in my situation. I already have asthma, I don't need another crutch or reason that I can't function normally.

I don't know what I want, I suppose just some support and suggestions. If you're reading this thank you for enduring my ramblings, and if you can help me in any way I'd appreciate it. </font>

[shaggy76]

well welcome. bye the way i don't think that you are rambling but might have discovered something about yourself that you never noticed or that you thought these occurancies where normal (not saying that you are not ) but everyone thinks that there's something wrong with them. sometimes when we encounter or are faced with something we compare it to ourselves so maybe you do have simalairities and obviously you have questions and conserns it's worth looking into. it could also be nothing at all, but atleast you'll have the peice of mind of knowing that you are "normal". but if there is something that should be delt with it would be better to know so that you can get help, learn and get support. hope things work out for ya.

[rfcsruth]

I just wanted to let you know I totally understand where you are coming from. When I don't take my meds like I should I am all over the place....just a few days ago I was extremely manic and now I am crashing again. I feel hopeless , tired, and frustrated. But I'm going to try and take my meds like I'm suppose to and I'll get back on track. The hope I have when I'm feeling low is, it's not always going to be this way just wait a week or two and I'll be right back up there.

I don't know if that's good or bad, but that's my life.

Hang in there. I believe in you.

Jackie

[purplebutterfly]

I feel the same way