at ease

I know I shouldn't have anything to complain about. I have a roof over my head, food, transportation, a loving and supportive family - everything that one could want. But I also have this bipolar thing going on. It turns everything to gray mush. I can't be happy because maybe I'll be too happy, I can't be sad because maybe I'll be too sad. I'm always waiting for the other shoe to drop. I can't seem to ever be at ease.

After 8 years don't you think it is time to trust yourself?
It is insane to have to worry about feeling too good or too bad.
WE GET to have normal reactions to things and not blame our being bipolar to jsutify our feelings.
We get to react and have ups and downs.
I can relate to feeling worried that I might be getting a bit worked up over things....I do this too.
But I am trying to enjoy life and not to worry.
My hubby is there as a safety net....
I have spent too many years worrying about going manic...I have not been manic in 5 years...so I think it is safe to say that I am stable now....to not have it be my identity...to define who I am.
I take as little meds as I can and yes I am bipolar 1 as well.
my mood stabilizer is lamictal
I also take a small dose of geodon.
I recently stopped taking ambien for sleep it was causing groggyness in the mornings.
It has taken a while to accept the fact that I am having rebound insomnia...and that I am not manic...so I jsut rest while unable to sleep...but that is getting better.
I encourage you to jump and actively participate in your life...it is time to engage fully and pat yourself on the back for maintaining a job and have a family etc.
Life is good isn't it?
bizi

I know how you feel. The other shoe has dropped on me too many times to count. My problem is meds. As soon as I think one is going to work for me, it stops working and I have to start all over again. Don't feel bad about your bipolar disorder. You didn't ask for it. None of us did. Just enjoy life when you can.

fharper6

Hi DAVI56

I certainly understand what you're saying. Sometimes, you never know where you stand with bi-polar. Are you currently under treatment for your illness? Its wonderful that you do see the good things in your life, and have support available to you.

Take care,

Dee

Hi Davi56... I'm sorry you feel like you're trapped. I understand where you're coming from. For me it's like I"m on a roller coaster but I never know when the hills and drops will come. I spend most of my time worried about how I'm going to feel and never know from day to day what my mood will be like. You can't let this ruin your life. I'm working right now at taking charge of my moods. If you're in control, the likelihood of being "too happy" or "too sad" is decreased. Yes, there still will be times of sadness and mania or hypomania, but not as often and usually not as severe. Hopefully you can find something that works for you so you're not feeling trapped by bipolar disorder because that's just not fair. Take care!

I want to feel some hope for my 18 yo bipolar daughter but she is off meds and about to be homeless. I feel like no one understands the strain and worry I have over her. She said she wants to come home and get back on meds, but my husband said no, because she has promised before to go back on meds and then stops. And after her last episode he will not let her back in the house until she goes to hospital or something, but she say she would rather be homeless than go. Is there any peace or rest for someone like her and for someone like me?

I know what you're saying. Just last month I was on top of the world, so happy and loving life. Everything was perfect. I told my husband how I felt because I sensed a change coming.
Here I am now, totally a wreck. I cannot control my emotions and I'm miserable. I feel like running away for a while (in fact , I am going to visit my sis, to get away). Everyone and everything is bringing me down it seems.
I want that high back.
Where is it???????????????
But then again, being that high only brings this horrible crash.

I don't have anything to complain about either, I have alot, just can't enjoy it at the moment. When I get down, my mom says "Count your blessings". I hate when she says that. No sh** , I have alot going for me, but it doesn't make me feel better. She doesn't understand Bipolar.