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#1
Oct 14, 2008, 02:26 PM
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I have been hit by another brick wall. The great State of Michigan has run me over with a stream roller. Just found out to day from the coordinator at the VA , they have been trying to help, that supposedly they sent several requests , which I never got.
My cash assistance and food stamps have been terminated, though I still get food stamps for my step son (130 amonth). So I am now dead in the water, I will lose everything that I have and will end up in a shelter or on the streets. Unless my gf in Texax allows me to go down there some how. I'll walk if I have to. Sorry if this is garrbled, meds are starting to kick in. I do not know how much more I can take, I really don't. I play by the rules and they screw me. I fight to get better and they screw me. can't take much more |
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#2
Oct 14, 2008, 03:47 PM
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MI must be dropping Food Stamps for LOTS of people lately. They dropped me w/o a HINT of why. Never returned my letters or calls.
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#3
Oct 14, 2008, 04:25 PM
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I fully realize the state has money issues, but the way they are going about it is completely wrong by any stretch of the imagination. Not only are they doing things like that, they are not giving you a termination paper work, which you need to appeal the dang thing. But I guess it is just me that see's it. They have already stripped me of any pride or dignity in the process. They make up lies to cover their tracks in the hopes that we will just disappear, which I believe is what they are attempting to do, least in my case. The case worker tells me one thing, then tells the coordinator at the Veteran Affairs a much more elaborate tail. There by making me sound like that one at complete fault. And then when I do snap, I will be tossed in some jail and they will make money cause I am there. Or some hospital some place. I know I have major problems and some times I think I just imagine things, but not in this case I do not believe. I just want to scream and hit some thing, hard over and over again. Preferably the object will be the person that is doing this, cause I do not think I could stop if I started. But I bite my tongue as it were and try to keep things to gether, but it is hard when they continually try to rip you apart at the seams |
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#4
Oct 14, 2008, 04:29 PM
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Write, write, write! Or email. Or call. I know our lovely state has issues, but we also have people who are supposed to represent us. Go to the michigan.gov web site, contact every single person on there if you have to. Someone will listen. And contact them repeatedly. Do not give up wihtout out a fight. You served our country--it's time for our country to serve you!! Man that pisses me off!!! If you'd like, pm me with all your information and I'll letter-write on your behalf, also. Thank you for serving--let us serve you now!
__________________
____________________________________ "We can't talk at the same time! It doesn't work like that! I talk, you talk, I talk, you talk!!" ~ Peanut 
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 bizi
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#5
Oct 14, 2008, 04:54 PM
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And soon there will be only one solution to the problem at hand. And that thought scares me as well. All I ever seem to be is a burden lately. |
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#6
Oct 14, 2008, 08:16 PM
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I don't know what to say only please please don't give up on yourself. Yes the whole system sucks, but you, you as a person, don't. You are a good person who is being screwed over. I hope you can get some help or can get to Texas to your gf.
__________________
 "Just living is not enough," said the butterfly. "One must have sunshine, freedom and a little flower." - Hans Christian Andersen |
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#7
Oct 14, 2008, 09:21 PM
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__________________
____________________________________ "We can't talk at the same time! It doesn't work like that! I talk, you talk, I talk, you talk!!" ~ Peanut
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| bizi
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#8
Oct 21, 2008, 12:45 PM
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DueNorth (and Moose) -- have you considered contacting an advocate to see if they can help you? I found these two links:
- Michigan Protection & Advocacy Service - Michagan - Mental Health Resources Other people who might be in a position to help you might include your state representative, local support groups (it's especially helpful if you can find someone whose already fought this battle or a similar one) and even, local reporters who might be willing to do an interview/story. If you've not already done so, it's helpful to document everything -- especially when you're speaking with the departments that are "supposed" to be helping you. Make note of names, what was said, what was offered or denied, etc. A spiral bound notepad next to the phone works well. I'm really sorry to hear about how difficult your situation has become. I sincerely hope it works out, and soon! .
__________________
~ Kindness is cheap. It's unkindness that always demands the highest price. |
| bizi
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#9
Oct 21, 2008, 01:39 PM
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Latest update, I just received notice to appear in court on Nov. 7th to be evicted from my home. After 2 sessions today with 2 docs at the VA, feeling half way decent about myself regardless of my circustances, I come home and get this.
They just do not want me to even feel 1/2 way decent about myself. Bah, I just want to either run away or don't know what |
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#10
Oct 21, 2008, 05:50 PM
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bizi what a great forum this is. thank you for this offer! |
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#11
Oct 21, 2008, 07:38 PM
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#12
Oct 21, 2008, 08:38 PM
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Cantstopcrying is offering to help you. bizi |
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#13
Oct 21, 2008, 09:04 PM
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#14
Oct 21, 2008, 10:15 PM
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not sure of your entire situation, but here in canada we have services that could be similar to yours...
1. Crisis Team: they allow you to stay in a shelter(and its a regular house) with food until ur on your feet and help you look for a job 2.Ontario Works: you show them that you're jobless with debts and they provide you minimal income until u get a new job (but u must prove u are searching for one) 3.If you cant work because of a disablity then there's ODSP- Ontario disability support program... basically you get a bit less then minimum wage for i believe life since a disability prevents u from working 4.Job finding clubs: Some places here pay you to attend a 4 week program about getting a job and assists you to get one. I dont know what they would be in michegan or if they have these programs but for the crisis team you'd contact any hospital and speak to mental health department and ask if there is anything like this and the rest you would contact an unemployment agency.. but i dont know if you're unemployed or not, i was just assuming so i am sorry if i assumed wrong. |
| bizi
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#15
Oct 22, 2008, 06:38 AM
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I have pretty much exhausted the community services locally, they either ran out of money or I am on a waiting list of at least a year or more. It appears that males are some home on the bottom of the pile regardless of needs. Perhaps I am being a bit sarcastic on this one, but it is the way it makes me feel. Been the medications and the stress and deep deep depression and the effects of the meds for panic attacks, which I get alot of now, I have problems remembers things and filling out forms. Though I have never given up on any over it, it just takes me a long long time to get anything done it seems. In Michigan the economy is so bad , the jobless rate is so high none of this surprises me at all. Especially where I live, which is just across the border from canada, it would take me 30 minutues if I put me mind to it to walk there. While getting the summons was not unexpected, I realized it was only a matter of time, but actually getting it and realizing that the count down timer is now ticking tends to put me in to a panic and depresses the diddle out of me. I do have a couple of options: 1) go to a Vet Home - if I qualifiy for it that is. However the homeless vet coordinator at the Va. seems to think I qualify, not ideal more of a group home, no privacy, people around me all the time. 2) my Dad has talked about buying some property or renting some place for me until such a time my disability kicks in. More of an ideal situation, but feel guilty is all hell that my dad (almost 80 now) has to take care of his oldest, I will turn 50 next month. In my mind i should be in a position to take care of him, not the other way around. 3) I could always go down to Texas to my girl friends. WE have been discussing this fact, and actually day before yesterday she said she was more then ready for me to be down there. While I will eventually end up there anyways the most ideal situation. However as I told her, I would hate to go be there empty handed. Puting her under more financial stress because my disability hasn't been approved yet. As my Dad says I have this macho thing going on, but it is the way he raised me lol. On top of all that, I found out yesterday from the person that served me, my lawyer ( for diability) is semi retired, which explains partly why he is not doing what he should be doing. Other then that fact the long it drags out the more money he will get, which is %25 of my back pay. When discussing alot of this yesterday with my pdoc, this was before I got the summons to court, he told me why are you still here and not in Texas, it is not that you have anything to lose anyways. It just seems I have so many things coming at me all at once, the IRS and the state and the eviction and my son and and and and, I can't keep my mind on just one thing. it is all high priority, so I end up chasing my tail like some dog. And when I get to a point, which is alot lately, and I am upset and pissed as all get out, people look at me as if I do not have any right to do so. I don't even fully understand why I am the way I am. Though after a discussion with my Dad he tells me mom was extremely depressed and angery most of her life. I may have been abused as in gotten beat my mom ( all I remember was her hitting me with what ever was close, but figured that was the way it was). A lot of people on my Moms side suffered from some type of mental thing whether it was depression or something else. so I can see why but I don't either. I have always all my life been able to over come and adapt and move forward and over come anything that was in my way, any situation. And now I seem almost imcapable of even keeping my house clean, which in its self puts me into a panic attack. Not to mention my step son who has touretts, that lives like a pig in slop and who when I try to get him to help wants to beat the living day lights out of me. And even though he is not my bio. son I feel guilty for not getting to him sooner and now realizing Iwill never be able to help him over come and be come a man that will make a good husband or what ever. And now last night, I got up to go to the bathroom. and woke up to find myself on the hallway floor all hot faced and breathing hard. I am assuming the stress got me there. Shoot don't knw sorry rambles, to much info |
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#16
Oct 22, 2008, 08:26 AM
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As much as I love our great state, GET OUT. Not that you're not wanted here, but you have a great opportunity to go somewhere that you will have heat, hot water, electricity, etc. It won't be cold. The VA services in Texas have to be better than in the U.P. You say you have always been able to overcome adversity, etc, not needed help. That's awesome. Now it's time to accept help. I'll say it again--you gave how ever many years of your life to serve us--let us serve you. If you have a hard time remember to fill out forms or a hard time prioritizing, get help. My t showed me a great way to do that involves 4 squares. PM me and I'll tell you if you want. Just my opinion here, but if you feel guilty about having your dad help you (which is what dad's do--you're lucky he wants to and is able to)--go to Texas. Your girlfriend is ready to have you there. I agree with your dad that you have some macho thing going on where you don't want to go to Texas empty-handed. Just because you go empty handed doesn't mean you go empty-hearted and that is what is important. It also doesn't mean you will stay empty-handed. Your girlfriend is well aware of your situation, she is an adult and she is asking you to move there knowing full well you are empty-handed. Please, I urge you to give serious consideration to going down there. And if you say you will end up there eventually, it would be better to do it now than to have your dad get some property or a place for you to live and then go down there. Get out before it gets colder than 20's it was last night. Change is scary, your life right now is scary, but it doesn't have to be. You have someone who loves you and wants to be with you and wants to help you. Go to her and accept that help. You deserve it.
__________________
____________________________________ "We can't talk at the same time! It doesn't work like that! I talk, you talk, I talk, you talk!!" ~ Peanut
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| bizi
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#17
Oct 22, 2008, 03:57 PM
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gee i wrote something then hit something and now it gone... errr, but i was basically saying go to ur gf, she just wants u and ur sone healthy and happy. if all else fails come live in canada for a bit, we take mental conditions more seriously then most countries and you can get help for free.
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#18
Oct 26, 2008, 08:04 PM
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At the rate I am going and feeling at the moment, not going to be around much longer. Today all I have wanted to do was cry but can't. Feel sick to my stomach and when I eat something it makes the feeling worse, but I am hungry.
My step son will be going to his mothers next weekend, and yesterday he took a knife and puncured my bed ( adjustable by air cause of my back.) when I confronted him about it, he didn't have a clue as to how it happened. When I said I did not believe him, he said that I must have done it so I could blame him for it. Which lead to more words, before it was done he was in my face and had me pinned to the stairs. I wanted very much to respond and put his face in the dirt, but afraid if i started I would not be able to stop myself. Even with meds at night I only got a couple of hours of sleep, and this morning I could barely move (bed is screwed now, no support.) I feel guilty for not wanting him around me at all, but I can't take it any more. Makes me feel like a complete and utter failure in damn near everything. I don't understand I did eerything right, worked hard, provided and tried to make things better and all I did it seems is make it worse. If it were not for the vauge hope down the road that maybe I will be happy, I'd say to hell with it all and go swiming in the locks. But then again I can't bring myself to do that. I am getting to the point that I simpley can't take it any more, it is too much to handle alone, I can't do it. Everything is my fault right down the line as they say, I have problems even filling out simple forms some times. I get so far then get either so depressed I can barely stand it or into a panic attack. can't no more |
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#19
Oct 26, 2008, 09:47 PM
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Please don't, don't go there. Go to Texas. Shove the darn pride already. Pride is not worth your life!
__________________
"Just living is not enough," said the butterfly. "One must have sunshine, freedom and a little flower." - Hans Christian Andersen |
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#20
Oct 26, 2008, 10:33 PM
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You can. Send your stepson back to his mothers. You have done your best. It is now time to worry about you. You need to eat something...even if it is just broth...to keep your strength up.. You'll need it for your move to Texas!
__________________
____________________________________ "We can't talk at the same time! It doesn't work like that! I talk, you talk, I talk, you talk!!" ~ Peanut
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#21
Oct 27, 2008, 04:54 AM
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My doctor, the one I see weekly to talk to, says that I have set a higher standard for myself then what most folks to, or at least something like that. Whether that is true or pride I do not know, but it is how I have been for the majority of my life. And you would think that by this time I would either be able to lower my standards to some degree. And by that what I mean not my lifestyle or car or house, actually if I could just through a day and be happy works for me. But there are some things that are extremely hard for me to do. I know every one needs help now and again, some more then others, but in my mind I should be the one helping, not the one needing it so badly. I do not like being a burden on any one, makes me feel real selfish and greedy. And while I am a burden and I do need the help, I get guilt big time. I could handle a war or some major natural disaster and rise to the occasion, take charge and ensure that those around me would survive. But at least there, there is something tangible that I can fight and over come, as I had been trained in the MC. But this, I am fighting myself and fighting to get the help from the agencies that are intent on not helping it seems. Any ways, thanks for the words of support. And I am working on it, getting to Texas |
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#22
Oct 27, 2008, 04:59 AM
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I do try to eat, least some thing at any rate, though I feel sick most times afterwards. Though it is not enough eh. I used to be able to wear 32 waist for my jeans, now even my 28s are lose, not bad but getting there. Can't buy things, least till he is gone, to eat through out the day because he will have it all gone by the end of the first day. Any ways, thanks for the words of support and advice. All that have replied thank you, and I hope some time in the future I will be able to give the same back to those that are in need. |
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This is an old thread. You probably should not post your reply to it, as the original poster is unlikely to see it.|
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