the rain has stopped and everything is calm
is this the eye of the storm or has it ceased?
i want to say its all back to normal,
but there's no way to know for sure,
until the storm starts again.

how cute, i'm replying to my own post. ya i talk to myself, got a problem with that?

well, it is starting to happen but i guess im experimenting with my own mind.... cuz i feel like i am getting manicky. ... having racing thoughts, impulsive urges, and thinking about sex. i am not even with anyone so i just fantasize about being raped or like forced into sex, and fantasize about being permiscuous. oh well, theyre just thoughts anyway.
but i have been trying to tame the manic beast with antianxiety and blood pressure meds.
really getting close to considering the depakote though.

%#@&#! %#@&#! %#@&#! %#@&#! %#@&#! %#@&#! %#@&#!

ok, i am leaving work now. i cannot sit here at this freaking desk another minute. crappy, another day lost to my mind

it is too soon! how can this be right?! the length of time of the cycles are not even meeting the criteria for BP.... is this considered a mixed state to go right back to hypomania after only one week?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?! or am i really actually a borderline?!

%#@&#!. i have really lost my grip here, damn it! i was trying so hard to stay feeling normal.... i thought i could contain it. i hate it. i need to be stronger than the BP!

[gloria]

We love you and feel your pain.
I hope you are safely at home cooling down.

Read my left handed story in "general" ifyou can. I'll be writting it in a half an hour.

yes im at home now, sorry you guys had to read all those... i shouldnt have wrote all them. what can i say, except something came over me.... i just get in my car, and i feel like im stuck in my car with this incredible energy, makes it so hard to drive! cuz i want to move around, do things and i cant. but there is so much i have to do today! and i forgot to eat again.... oops. maybe i should take something for this, but i think that i have so much to do, that if i take a pill and be calm that i wont be able to get it all don. then i will feel like a failure. but that will be nothing new to me. cuz i feel like that a lot. i guess it is because my mind races faster than i can keep up with it.

[Malady156]

cclocks,

you won't get well unless you take the medication. bipolar is a biochemically-based disorder. please go to the section on the forum where there are posts on drugs and read the thread about "Chemical Imbalance in Mental Health Problems" -- there is a link there to an article you will find very informative.

[Malady156]

p.s. I understand how you feel. I was against taking medication myself -- and as a result, went untreated for over 20 years, essentially wasting the most productive and potentially exciting years of my adult life to this d*mned illness. Reading the article I mentioned above changed my thinking drastically.