You know you're borderline when...

Wow, to think I was insecure about posting that!
Lots of hugs to you both!

The worst of this side is that I don't know how much of it is really my own fault and how much I can blame on a dysfunctional personality.
Corroded by guilt, anyone?

I'm definitely corroded by guilt. I feel guilty about everything. And can some how turn everyone's problem into something I did or didn't do.

I also push people away. Getting a bit better at it. But its really hard and sometimes I just don't have the strength to fight pushing.

Feel you, bro.
My grandpa's going blind and I've been beating myself up all day over the fact that it's my fault because I've been away and I'm his favourite and no one is there to take care of him and it's all my fault. Lol, clear cause and effect process here, you see? Granddaughter away for a year? Go blind.

I wish you all he best! Try to figure out WHY you're pushing people away, the realization of the reason I do it is the only thing that's kept me from doing it as much.

You know you might be borderline when your only friend in the world keeps telling you to go to a meeting of young Catholics, but you don't go because even though you just converted you met a REALLY nice Anglican and are suddenly completely obsessed with Anglicans and NOTHING WILL STOP YOU from visiting Anglicans. Five days later, you hate them and want to apologise to your friend for becoming a schismatic heretic dog.

I like what you say to figure out the why's . Seems That's part of healing too and getting better right?

Yeah, for what I've seen, it really helps in most occasions, but there's always those times in which you know what you're doing, but you can't find it in you to give a damn.

when you're really depressed so you go on a $3000 spending spree then when it doesn't help you feel better you want to break everything you've bought.

when you're jealous (lack of better word) that your SO seems to be spending more time doing homework then being with you.

You know you're borderline when you nitpick to find something a little wrong with something that might be very right.

when you decide the answer is to OD because you can't sleep and then your going to watch DVDs as a distraction and you get told not too and to just lay in bed.

when you think your mum hates you because she doesn't reply to the upset message you sent her, during the middle of the night about wanting to go home.

you start to write something in this thread several times then delete everything because you think that everyone will hate you for it and that you wont fit in

I have felt that way several times Chronic, but it is good some times just to hit that submit button some times it is surprising to find others are like you out there... but then there are other times it is like naw it still is not the same

Be well!

When you have moods swings almost everyday (It's a killer)

Oh yes, they are a pain. I remember I had mood swings at college and they changed quickly. I would be happy, then sad, happy and then sad and you know the rest.

you realise you're just.not.friend.material

yabbut that's why I look for others such much as myselves so when I go a little flaky or they go a little flaky, nobody takes it too hard. we're all pretty proud of ourselves if we just show up. we try not to plan too far in advance so nobody has too much time to freak out. and being depressed is always always always a legitimate reason to cancel. I mean, how do other people do it?

When you really don't care if someone is pissed at you when you are planning something, but then when they quit, you want to cry because you can't do anything right, but then you can't cry, because that would be wrong too.

when the pie crust you made turns out badly. so that must mean your a bad cook. it couldn't possibly have anything to do with a bad recipe (like one that calls for 1 2/3 cup lard). So you just want to chuck everything and swear off baking.

oh geez been there so many times with cooking, but always pick it back up try try and try again

Oh yeah. But I did have a mom type figure volunteer to give me cooking lessons. Seriously thinking of taking her up on that. When it was just me, it didn't really matter. Now that I have a family, cooking is kind of a necessary thing. And cooking something they'll eat is even better.

You know you're borderline (or at least messed up) when your children are pushing 30 but you still take all responsibility for every mistake they make because they'd be perfect if you hadn't been such a screwup as a mother.

I have another one.

You know you're borderline when you have taken a new volunteer position, don't know the location of the meeting you've been asked to attend, and you think they deliberately didn't return your call asking where it is, because they're trying to sabotage you on purpose. My intellect knows better.

Edited to add:

And continuing the saga, I made it to the meeting, forced myself to go despite having a migraine, and found it had been cancelled due the the association president's illness. It did appear that, on my way to the meeting, I met up with her just as she was arriving home, and she wouldn't have had time yet to call and tell me it had been cancelled.

So, the grumbling in my head is going, "I made myself get up out of bed with a doggone migraine, it's dark and raining, but I walk there, and it's cancelled because somebody else is sick. I could have just stayed in bed." Mutter, mutter, mutter, mutter. Never mind that it was my own decision to get up and go anyway. Life is unfair.

When you leave your t a message saying that you want to SI and aren't going to take your meds anymore, but never actually ask for a call back, and then you get super angry when she doesn't call you back

I can go from mellow to enraged in a matter of seconds.