You know you're borderline when...

holy moly

unbelievable

it's too much

You know you have borderline personality disorder when you tell your psychologist that DBT is a "crock of *****" and if she wants you to meditate she should hire a Buddhist monk to shadow you while on this miserable journey...Then, you leave her 8 to 12 voicemails while she's doing an appointment about how she's failed you and you're never going to be able to do anything with your life. Half an hour later you call back and apologize because you just got a two year degree and you're in an understanding and committed relationship...both of which would never have happened if it wasn't for her.

Two hours afterwards, you're having a panic attack and you take 10 mg of klonopin because you feel like one isn't enough.

When you are expecting a call from someone and when it doesn't happen, esp. at the time they say they will call, you turn off your phone and block your messages and then when they do get a hold of you later, you get upset with them because they got mad at you about not being able to call you.

you can relate to nearly every single post in this thread.

the real ultimatum...

Your h takes the rest of the day off because you ring him crying/screaming that the kids are driving you insane and you're so pathetic you can't cope with them

Is it bad for me to say I am glad I'm not the only one? Not glad that you have to deal with it though

Thank you Zoo - I needed that hug! I am new to the BPD dx - sort of

when you scream at the top of your lungs for help, and they just nonchalantly turn, look at you dismissively, and say "Oh don't mind her, she's borderline

As if that just takes all your pain away

When you freak out after getting a nasty email from your ex's marital lawyer, try to find a crisis line, they say to call the hospital, there's no answer there so you go to a bar but you gotta be quick because your kids are in bed in the hotel room. So you get to the bar and ask the bartender for something quick. You down three yagermeisters, you go back to the hotel, you start to sing the "My Name is Effin Leach" song that you wrote for your ex to sing to the world so everybody else will hate him too, you get applause, you offer a couple of security guards money to beat them up. You almost convince one of them, then they get scared 'cause they see you've really got a screw loose. You get a hug and break down to the girl at the front desk, you calm down, you check on your kids, you go to an internet 'urgent line' to see if anybody's answered you yet. You've finally calmed down then the cops show up to take you away as they ask you about the marks on your hand and frisk you for weapons....

well thats an interesting night to say the least

When your T has been nothing but caring and patient with you but occasionally you really want to hurt her (not physically) to see if she'll still stick with you.

(someone please tell me I'm not the only one..)

I think this kind of testing is quite common. My T suspects me of doing it. I'm not sure if I am or not.

I really don't do this, although sometimes I think my t is thinking i do. I do often wonder why she has stuck with me though. It's been five years and I tend to end up right where i started...

I go from, ok, fine, fine, fine, to chaos/depression/suicidal. Then the process repeats

When you h contacts your pdoc and asks if she could somehow see you in her already packed last day before xmas - even though you have been avoiding her for the last two months - and she said she'll "see what she can do" so then you go to your gp appt and tell her what a basket case you are and when you leave that appt, the gp also rings your pdoc who then makes time to see you at the end of her day but you don't want to go because pdoc said h has to come too...

I was wondering where you'd gone off to! (you don't know me that well yet, but believe me, that is me showing some major concern!)

Awwww - so you care. That's so nice.

Well - that episode was my major lifetime drama queen episode. Not likely to be repeated (I hope). I have to laugh when acquaintances call me 'so calm, cool and collected'. They have noooooo idea! Over the years, I have honed my mask into something that - on the surface - appears quite socially acceptable. Yah, weren't we talking about 'high functioning' the other day? I feel like such a fraud. But it got me by for many years.

I have a feeling I'll be hanging out here a lot. Very hard to explain this stuff to somebody who's not going through it. Where's your favourite hideout Hankster?

And now my h has gotten a medical certificate from my pdoc to give him the rest of the week off and he starts annual leave on sat so now he's home from a month because pdoc doesn't trust me to be home by myself with the kids.

^ definition of pathetic.

That's rough. But at least it means your H cares about you, no?

girl girl girl

I'm not feeling very good right now and haven't for weeks and yes it is good that h cares and I'm grateful for pdoc who I really unleashed on yesterday, but it still hurts.

((Flooded)) I'm sorry you are hurting.

I don't lash out, I withdraw majorly. That's where I am now. Paying my T to sit there and watch me be an unresponsive lump. Just numb and wishing to hide from the world.
It is times like this that I am especially grateful for PC.

Thanks echoes. I am usually like you are but I have been triggered badly and I hadn't seen my pdoc for almost two months so kinda felt like I owed her since she fitted me into her already booked up day

when you get upset with your SO and totally lash out (verbally) at him, the dog, and anything near by (thank god the girls weren't home). Then when he decides he doesn't want to listen to you verbally abuse him, he gets up to go downstairs and you freak out that he's abandoning you. So you try to grab onto him and start babbling about "how you said you'd never leave me and ......" He's like "honey, I'm going to the basement, or into the kitchen. It's not like I'm leaving. Go take something to calm down." That throws you over the edge, so you say "should I just take my one PRN clonopin or would you like me to take the whole bottle. B/c if I take the whole bottle, I'll definitely be calm and relaxed." He makes sure you only take the one and then orders you to sit your a s s down on the couch and to stay there.

:-(