is this it?

The longer I'm alive the more I think I have bpd. i can relate to just about all the symptoms but... idk
could someone talk to me about it?
I feel all messed up after reading all this crap.

hey volatile,

those surveys thingies - they arnt always right - they are very subjective so dont let them get to you ok

are you seeing a therapist? have they diagnosed you as borderline?
there are varying degrees of borderline form the completely out of control mood a minute ones to the high functioning - bet you cant guess what i am ones

Is there anythign in particular you wanted to know.....

take care

P7

Welcome, Volatile--read the thread "What's good about being borderline"--we're great!.....well, ok....we have our moments.

Which crap have you been reading, that is making you feel all messed up? Is it the Sanity Score thing?...more on that after I hear your answer.

About borderline: the markers of the condition are unstable moods, the sensation of deep and profound rage, abnormally rocky realtionships, impulsivity, a tendency to self-harm.

There's a sticky at the top of our forum, read that, and follow the link for more info that isn't loaded--clinically, or otherwise.

Also, there's a chat today, noon Pacific time. Hook up with us there, too. Every Wednesday, all on board.

I just read the facts on it and it sounds exactly like me.
"unstable moods, the sensation of deep and profound rage, abnormally rocky realtionships, impulsivity, a tendency to self-harm. " And i read the sticky and it's describing me almost exactly.

I think the only reason it's making me feel bad is because I'm really good at ignoring the fact that I'm like this, and this is just throwing it in my face. which is probably why i never tried to figure out if I actually had it because I didn't want it.

my psychiatrist diagnosed me with schizoaffective disorder -bipolar type three years ago. But I do not believe that's right because I don't cycle through my moods, I just have insane mood swings all the time. I don't know if I could actually have that disorder AND this one too? idk.
I'm not currently seeing a psyciatrist right now so i can't really talk to them about it...

What would it take to get in to see a psychiatrist? Is that possible for you?

I think I have an appointment coming up next month or the month after. I've had to wait a couple months for an opening so I really don't remember when it's suppose to be.
I just feel so frustrated because I'm almost positive I've asked about bpd and talked about my anger, defensiveness and rocky relationships in one conversation and the lady just brushed it off like it's normal. And she already knew all about my episodes of extreme self hatred and SI.
I guess because I'm already psychotic it doesn't matter what other crazy crap I do. But I never talked to the psychiatrist about it, only the therapist there. I wouldn't even consider her a therapist, more like some ***** that sits at a desk and pretends she knows what she's talking about.
sry for the rant.....

Hang in there. Check out some of BPD2 threads she's pretty smart and offers alot of good advise.

DEFINITELY talk to the doctor. I don't have a high opinion of therapists either, especially not for psychotic sorts of things. I had an MSW tell me I was just like an addict:"cutting is an addiction....you're all just feeling sorry for yourselves and turn to a quick fix."
YOW!!! Not helpful. Not at all. I've had three psychiatrists and each one insisted that I get a psychologist for therapy. I'm not sure that would be the case now--I really am "recovering"....seems an odd word to use for the condition, and I'm not sure how it can mean anything, actually, but...there you have it.
My advice is get the absolutely best care that you can afford just as fast as you can--like, get it yesterday. The longer it takes to get help, the longer it takes to get help. Ya know?!

Clueless! I'm blushing! And I really appreciate that compliment. Thank you.

You're welcome. And thank you for all your kind words and good advise.

You are entirely welcome.

Hey, volatile? Do you go to the Q and A's with DocJohn? Check the calendar and get to a few of them. They're free-flowing and you can pop a question in pretty much any time and he'll get to you. Also, the Support Chat is going almost nonstop, and it's a very welcoming place.