I feel as if I don't have a clue to what I actually want. I let those around me chose what makes them happy and then I conform to please them.

It is my instinct.

In reality, I have no idea what I want out of life. I just let life happen to me.

I shift and change so quickly never knowing who I am.

Guess that is why I keep people at a distance and really connect with anyone.

[kalisha36]

I swear you borrowed my brain to write this except that it's written to well!!! Seriously this is how I live my life outside of my home...It kills me...I often scream inside from the frustration, from wanting to just say NO, or I don't like that, or please I hate that FOOD!!! Or I am on a diet I can't eat that!!! But I won't I allow whatever anyone is reading, watching, doing to dictate ME, my life!! Even my husband whom is supposed to be spending his time with us...The last 4 yes four night's he has been called away from HOME!!! I just sit back and not say what I really want to say.....ARG...I feel for you I understand this....OMG....It makes me want to cry just a rageful cry a painful irritating rageful animalistic rageful just please know how much we sacrifice at the hands of others...Sorry that may NOT at all be what your saying....I apologize!!!

[bpd2]

What makes it so bad, I think, is the sense of time tick-tocking away: "I MUST make something of my self!"
But, of course, that helps none at all.
I think that idea increases the confusion by adding panic, too.
Our own little whirlpool spa...

[Confused_1982]

Originally Posted by Baltazar

I feel as if I don't have a clue to what I actually want. I let those around me chose what makes them happy and then I conform to please them.

It is my instinct.

In reality, I have no idea what I want out of life. I just let life happen to me.

I shift and change so quickly never knowing who I am.

Guess that is why I keep people at a distance and really connect with anyone.

I feel exactly the same. I change my mind about what I want/who I am so often I cant keep up with myself, let alone the people around me. I had this idea a few years ago that I wanted to be a hairdresser coz my bf was one and EVERYONE loved him. My parents liked him more than me. Everyone was just SO interested in him and I was this loser who clung onto him. So i thought if i had the same job as him and the same goals people would like me too! The next minute i hated his guts and hated all hairdressers!
And to this day my parents still ask when Im gonna do my hairdressing course, despite the fact I have literally changed my mind 1000 times! That's not how it works folks- get with the program!

Originally Posted by kalisha36

I swear you borrowed my brain to write this except that it's written to well!!! Seriously this is how I live my life outside of my home...It kills me...I often scream inside from the frustration, from wanting to just say NO, or I don't like that, or please I hate that FOOD!!! Or I am on a diet I can't eat that!!! But I won't I allow whatever anyone is reading, watching, doing to dictate ME, my life!! Even my husband whom is supposed to be spending his time with us...The last 4 yes four night's he has been called away from HOME!!! I just sit back and not say what I really want to say.....ARG...I feel for you I understand this....OMG....It makes me want to cry just a rageful cry a painful irritating rageful animalistic rageful just please know how much we sacrifice at the hands of others...Sorry that may NOT at all be what your saying....I apologize!!!

You and me are the same. I don't form opinions of my own because I mostly don't have any.

-Politics, news, world issues...I find them irrelevant.

So I sit in my head and try to weed out what I want and don't want. I can figure out what I don't want somewhat easily:

I don't want to starve
I don't want to be in pain
I don't want to lose my hair..etc.

But what do I want out of life? Not really sure. I haven't a clue to what would make me happy.

Originally Posted by Confused_1982

I feel exactly the same. I change my mind about what I want/who I am so often I cant keep up with myself, let alone the people around me. I had this idea a few years ago that I wanted to be a hairdresser coz my bf was one and EVERYONE loved him. My parents liked him more than me. Everyone was just SO interested in him and I was this loser who clung onto him. So i thought if i had the same job as him and the same goals people would like me too! The next minute i hated his guts and hated all hairdressers!
And to this day my parents still ask when Im gonna do my hairdressing course, despite the fact I have literally changed my mind 1000 times! That's not how it works folks- get with the program!

I got a Masters in Social Work because I wanted to be just like one of my friends.

I got into heavy debt with student loans and hated the job.

[cluelessgluten]

So you guys are clueless too. lol I think that must be a common theme for us all. I have changed my major in college from general studies to mechanical engineering to electrical engineering. cant make up my mind what I will do when I grow up and have to work for a living(retire from military). and since I cant fly any more I guess my dream job is out of the question. something about suicide attempts are frowned apon. so now I really don't know. I got out and did the reserve for a while and had a civilian job for about two years and changed jobs at the company about every six months. I would get bored and ask to do something else. There was always something that needed to be done so I got away with it. thats what I liked about being aircrew. no two days were alike in the plane. always had some different type of load and going someplace different. the job was the same the missions were all different. I don't know what I am going to do when I retire and have to get a real nine to five. I have the fealing I am going to go thru a lot of employers.

[bpd2]

I taught for two decades--"most popular teacher" several years--BUT, the standing joke was "Don't get an afternoon class with her!" (cranky in the afternoons--mood swings kicked in)

And I write full-time now, working out of my home. MUCH better.

[Gus1234U]

i went to college 12 yrs, cause it was easier than graduating and getting a "REAL" job~

[Skully]

I know how you feel. I often do the same. I find myself trying to please others more than trying to please myself because I have no idea what it is that I want. Try to think of yourself more and do things that you enjoy. Try different things until you find what makes you happy

Originally Posted by Gus1234U

i went to college 12 yrs, cause it was easier than graduating and getting a "REAL" job~

LOLOLOL

Didn't we all?

[cluelessgluten]

Yea the problem is I did find what I wanted to do but I cant do it any more. Now I have to find something new to do that I like.

[cluelessgluten]

to be honest the only reason I lasted so long in the military is because I was aircrew. had it not been for that I would have lost my cool with someone and got in trouble. I did lose a few times and came close to getting in trouble but I always had that next mission in the back of my mind and so I would just focus on that. Probably why I have been married so long to. Cant cause trouble at home if I am deployed. now I have just under five years left and the only reason I stay is for retirement check. if it were not for that I would have gotten out when They grounded me. I had a job lined up too. they wanted me too I still think about that all the time. I had the job I should have just gotten out and took it. oh well I gues there is no use looking back. I have to lool fwd to retirement check now. then on to the next gig.

[bpd2]

Reality: staying five more years for the retirement check is a good idea--so get that support system in place, and get some good meds going. It's unlikely retirement will get better than the military retirement. Truly a bad economy. The stress of low/no income is severe.

This may be part of your wife's fear....does she have a good job?...

[cluelessgluten]

I know my fear of the bad econony is always in the back of my mind. I know I can get a job doing anything whether I enjoy it or not, but it will be nice to have that extra money for the times in between jobs until I find a new niche.

[sneaker_pimpin101]

Hmmm... School for me was a mail education program (Thompson Education Direct 7 years ago). I took a paralegal class. I figured it was quick and easy and it would get me on my feet because I had just had my son and was a single mother. I did it all until they wanted me to pay them an extra 900 to re-write my final paper. I didn't have it so I didn't do it.

After that it was another mail education program. This time it was for bridal consulting. I tried to get into the business, but no one ever hired me. Now I live in an area where people don't really want to pay out for those services.

Then it was a couple of quarters at a community college for Addiction Counseling. That failed because my son became ill and my roommate needed my car because her car was on the fritz.

From there it was off to online classes through the University of Phoenix. I actually received my associates degree in psychology in 2008. I was excited and ready to go for my bachelors degree but found that Ohio will not let their counselors have online degrees to be licensed. I tried brick and mortar school but when they told me I had to take 6 quarters of a foreign language and I was 5 years older than my teacher, I couldn't take it... plus, I had other stressors, I quit.

I tried to go back to university of phoenix for my bachelors in business while my boyfriend does his associates in business through them but they wanted more money than was covered in my financial aid. I quit.

Now I am in cosmetology school. I called them about 5 days before the start of class and got in. I am in my second quarter. My first quarter I finished out with a 4.0. I've been wanting to do this for 10 years with no support and I am finally there. I am finally excited about doing something for the rest of my life.

Although I cannot help but look at other things and think... "Hmm....What if..." But I am making myself stick with what I am doing and I am going to try to do it well and hopefully I will own my own salon in a few years.

[bpd2]

sneaker, I'm so glad for you now!
And I am so sorry for all that struggle, all those tough choices.

[sneaker_pimpin101]

Originally Posted by bpd2

sneaker, I'm so glad for you now!
And I am so sorry for all that struggle, all those tough choices.

Yea, it was a pretty tough choice. I am 27 years old now. My son is 7. I've been going to school too long now..lol. I'll finally graduate and be able to work in November of 2011. Not to mention my about $30,000 in student loans I have to pay back... D'oh!

[cluelessgluten]

27 Hah I wish I were 27 again. Im 37 and still don't know what I want to do when I grow up. lol