Relationship help!

I've been having huge issues with my long term boyfriend. Recently he had a stroke and it's caused a lot of things in our relationship to change. Part of me knows I'm coming off as completely crazy, constantly getting upset at him for every tiny infraction where he isn't there for me but I can't help it. Every time he chooses to spend time with someone other than me, forgets to include me, or is generally just coming off as not there for me I get insanely emotional and I can't stop it. I end up in tears on the phone with him telling him that it's a one sided relationship and that I don't believe he loves me.

Problem is that once I regain my bearings I'm absolutely positive that he loves me. I know he's trying so hard to make me happy and I just can't seem to stay happy. I don't know what to do or how to explain this to him so he'll understand and not judge me for my problems.

Well, you're definitely in the right forum! Black-white thinking. Borderline.

Are you in therapy? If not, you should start. You need to re-train your brain to think differently.

But for the immediate time, every time you find yourself thinking something negative about him or his love for you or the relationship - step back, take a deep breath, and analyze the situation. So he's hanging out with friends. Does that mean he doesn't love you? NO! It means he's hanging out with friends. That's it. Every person should be allowed some time to spend on their own, not with their spouse/significant other. It's a good thing. If you spent 24 hours a day 7 days a week with him, he would get on your nerves after a while!

It's hard, because the way you think is black & white. Either he's completely in love with you and you're in love with him - or you're going to break up. There's no in-between. I know - I'm exactly the same way. One moment I'm planning our 50th wedding anniversary and dreaming about grandkids (our daughter is 5!) - and the next moment I'm planning how I'll pack up my stuff when we divorce, and even planning out the custody arrangements! It's insane.

i just posted something quite similar on my facebook!

i struggle if someone doesn't respond to me right away that they dont like me for something.

have you tried to talk to him about how you feel?

Hi, Nadell, welcome to PsychCentral.

Sounds like it is your problem and not his to solve. Rather than trying to get him to understand your problem, why not work on solving it instead? His understanding your misperceptions won't help him or you. Get some counseling help or figure out how to work on it yourself?

As I read your post I can't help but feel as though my very own fingers may have typed it.. I honestly can I say "I know how you feel"... WOW... when you figure out how to handle this "feeling of abandonment" please let me know!! It truly hurts like he**!

I don`t know if that will help but: lets see:
Why would he really leave you? Maybe if you give yourself the answer to your fear - i mean - let your fear speak up so that you get to be conscious, aware of this:

If you think that he is going to forsake you when he is hanging out with friends, or that he doesn`t love you, then - what reasons there can be?

See if they are rooted in you or in him. Like:
"My fear is that he will forsake me because i am crazy!"
Or: "My fear is that he will stop loving me because he is a nasty person and he never really showed enough love!"

Because there might sit a bug somewhere in your thinking system. I agree with Martina that our black white thinking is a problem but there is a reason that creates it.

Otherwise i agree that in ANY relationship giving a second though about a situation can bring you to a totally different feeling about it!

sorry for this pain. i know what it feels like. this crazy swing back and forth. But it is possible to balance it .Its impossible to completely rely on another. We need to be conscious of our own strength. It is there. We just need to find it again.