[broken_hearted]

My marriage is bad. It was bad before we got married and it got worse after we got married. Bottom line, we should of never got married. We love each other no doubt, but I have learned the hard way that love is not everything. Okay, now that you have a bit of background, here is the question....

Is it BPD if I am crazy in love, can't live without you, hopeful we will make it to an hour later I want out, I can't stand being married to him, he is the worse husband etc..... ?

I just started DBT classes suggested by my mental health case manager and when I read the decription of BPD I felt like I was a terribly crazy person. Has anyone else felt that way? Can you shed any light on how I can see this differently?

Thank you so much

broken_hearted

[PleaseHelp]

That is a trait of BPD - the I love you, I hate you.

I often feel like a terribly crazy person and I hate it. I think DBT maybe a good thing for you. I would like to do it but don't have the insurance. It seems that you are also seeing in absolutes (which is also a trait). Seeing the gray area is hard and DBT should be able to help with that.

Sorry this isn't very helpful. But know you are not alone.

[tryingtobeme]

((((((((broken_hearted))))))))

Some days I hate my marriage, other days I love it. That can change 20 times a day depending on what he says/does/doesn't do/I say/I don't do. This is very typical of BPD. My marriage sounds so much like yours.

You are not crazy and your feelings are not crazy. Great that you started DBT classes. They can really help. Hang in there on the classes. Some things take time, but you will get there.

As far as "Can you shed any light on how I can see this differently?" you need to take one day, one moment at a time. Think them through and you will slowly change with the DBT classes. I can say that I have changed but I still have those moments. The more you work at it, the more you change, it will, and give it time. I know not something any of us feel we have. We want the wand to be waved our our heads and our minds to start thinking correctly immediatly. At least that is what I always asked my T to do.

[Irine]

(((((((broken hearted)))))))

You are entitled to feel whatever it is that you feel - even though you just labeled yourself "crazy".

You need to think AGAIN about all the situation with your husband and look more closely at what his actions and words mean to you. And why...
After figuring out what exactly everything means to you - (by examining your immediate reaction) you can try to question this: just an example:
"If he left today early for work, does it REALLY MEAN that he doesn`t want to spend more time with me?"
What else can this mean? etc etc etc....

Awareness is the first step. I am happy for your that you are aware you have this problem...how can you drop something that you even don`t know you are holding...?
You are doing great with trying to see thing differently. I am sure it will help a lot your relationship with your husband.

Dependency is a huge issue with BPD...isn`t it? We need to find our inner strength...our internal stability will not be shaken, then, by every little thing that happen in our every day life.

[OrangeMoira]

I'm glad you're starting DBT and I hope it helps.

I have this problem, too. My husband is very patient and secure so it doesn't make things as chaotic as it could.

We've been working on things for the last 3 years and it is slowly getting better. Sometimes when I'm in a state of "I hate you, you are the worst person!" a tiny part of me says "wait, is this just my brain being weird?" and it helps. I've heard that DBT classes help a lot.

Good luck to you. I understand why the description makes you feel like a crazy person! I hope it also helps you to understand yourself better over time.

[hayward]

I have been married for almost 25 years and have done the hate/love, never want to see him again/what would I do without him thing over and over.

With time, it has gotten better though. Moods don't last as long. Sometimes something happens and the next day I don't even remember what it was. That's a great thing about life: time passes.

I think it helps to just not believe there is such thing as a perfect marriage to begin with. You set yourself up this way. It is hard to be married and with one person, and you can't expect two people to be in the same place all of the time with their relationship.

Sometimes when I think I hate my husband I need to remind myself of all of the good things. A big thing on this list is that he is still with me, after all the stuff I have put him through. But you know what? I put up with HIS stuff too. Trade him in, and you will just get a new set of issues.

We are all just human beings, doing the best we can. You are not crazier than anyone else, just different. And a diagnosis does not define who you are.. so don't let it.