[beautifuldisaster78]

Okay so I feel weird even posting this and will feel even worse if no one can relate but Im hoping someone out there can. I was recently diagnosed which has given me a certain sense of belonging. Not that I particularly be diagnosed with a severe mental illness but the fact that there are others out there that think like I do-- so many of them there's a name for it! -- has taken away some of the hopelessness in my head. Some of that alone feeling.

So here's the issue. For the last week or so Ive been OBSESSED with BPD. I've been reading anything I can get my hands on about it- checking this board multiple times a day, googling all sorts of related stuff- basically, it's all I'm thinking about now. Did this happen to anyone else when they were first diagnosed? I mean, learning what you can about what you have seems like one thing... This seems like another thing altogether. I'd like at least 5minutes to go by without thinking about it!!

Thanks for listening to my rant.

[shezbut]

(((beautifuldisaster78)))

I can understand where you are coming from. I think that it's pretty normal for human beings to look for a sense of belonging. It's natural for us to not want to be alone.

Personally, I have almost always felt like an outsider. I may have moments in life where I really feel understood. It brings such a relief to me! Seeing others thinking and feeling similar to my way is comforting. Comforting, but sad, to know that I am not the only one struggling. However, my relief is also only momentary. I always try to fill that void within me somehow.

[Evil Schnoodle]

I was just diagnosed with BPD last week...and just finished talking with my gf about how obsessed I am. Reading everything I can, working on workbooks.....i even spend over $100 at amazon just to get more books. I guess I am "trying on" the diagnosis - is this me? Is this not me? Ahhhhhhhh! I hear you...on one hand there is a feelimg of community, on the other....i need to do other things with my time.

I have to say that I'm still obsessed and I figured out what was going on with me was BPD a little over two years ago. I can't tell you how much money I've spent on books . . . I'm thinking of taking out stock in Amazon But you know what? It's helped. I really do understand the issues and the disorder now. And my understanding has helped me function more effectively when I enter the wild emotional storm. I'm not cured, but I am getting better at recognizing the triggers and realizing that I'm the kind of person who can't allow herself to go into emotional overload without suffering the consequences. Hang in there, Beautifuldisaster, the obession lessens a little . . . okay a smidge, but it does get better!

[PleaseHelp]

When I first out I searched everywhere, read everything I could. I took notes, I did workbooks - you name it. Then a pdoc told me no you don't have it. So I kind of blocked it out. (I had gotten most of my books from the library) In the last 4 months I was re-diagnosed as BPD and its now on my "official" list of Dxs. I have gone back to the book that helped me the most when I first found out I was BPD. (Sometimes I act crazy Living with Borderline Personality Disorder by Jerold Kreisman) I bought the book this time. And have realized my BDP is flaring up BIG time. So yes, right now I am very much obsessed with finding out what is going on.

I hope the obsession gets better. But if it helps me to understand and figure out what is going on and how to deal with it. Then I guess its OK. Hope my ramblings helped.

[Atypical_Disaster]

I can definitely relate. I've been diagnosed for awhile and I still get obsessive about it sometimes. I tend to do this with every diagnosis I have, actually. o_0 I didn't know anyone else had these obsessions with it so thanks for posting this.

I hope that the obsession dies down a bit for you soon, I know it can start to get a bit edgy when you can't go for too long without thinking about it in some way!

Take care.

(sorry if this post came out weird, it's 2 in the morning over here... kind of scattered...)

[beautifuldisaster78]

Thankyou all so much for your replies! I really needed the reassurance that I wasn't the only one doing this. I'm hoping that once I get a handle on what it all means, then the obsession will die down. Funny you mentioned that book pleasehelp because it's the same one I just checked out from the library. Haven't gotten real far in it yet though. Also, for those of you who mentioned workbooks, what kind of workbooks? Where do I find them? (maybe I'll jump on that amazon stock too! lol)

Thanks again to all of you for replying.

[PleaseHelp]

Have you talked to your T about DBT? It's a program that is group led and you work on things individually with your T.They go through a number of traits and how to kind of retrain your thought patterns so that you can get things under control a bit better. I'm probably not describing it all that well.

Here are some links that may describe it better:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dialect...havior_therapy
http://www.dbtselfhelp.com/

Hope that helps. Feel free to PM me anytime.

[beautifuldisaster78]

My T doesn't do DBT and I don't want to switch because he's been my T for a year (the longest I've ever stuck around!). Not only that but he doesn't really put to much stock in diagnosis. I think he mostly uses CBT but really a mixture of things. I do plan on looking into some of the self help DBT though. Thanks

[ECHOES]

Yes, sure, I did the same thing and I think it's a healthy curiosity! It has been 4 years and I still like to read about it. I read books and google. It feels good to me to be able to understand me better.

My T is also not DBT, she is psychodynamic/psychoanalytic and that is also good for BPD.