[askperts]

Hey all. I was diagnosed several years ago as suffering from rapid-cycling bi-polar disorder. However, through treatment, I am now finally able to access some of the feelings and subconcious thoughts that have been hidden from me for decades. I now can hear how afraid I have been of my spouse leaving me and how that internal fear has really driven me to have irrational jealousy. In the distant past, I would act out from these (then unconcious) feelings impulsively and had several one-night affairs (I am very ashamed of the way I handled stress before). Anyway, I now see a ton of borderline characteristics common to my thoughts. I have suicidal thoughts but would never hurt myself because I have five wonderful kids. However, I have the thoughts. I have extreme anxiety when there are thoughts and feelings I don't want to admit are there or be able to deal with them. I guess my point is that I meet at least 5 of the 9 DSM traits to be at least leaning toward borderline as opposed to bi-polar. Has anyone else learned that their shrink was overly kind with the bipolar designation only to learn that the problems are probably more pervasive?

[ECHOES]

Hi and welcome

I think it is not uncommon to get a diagnosis of bipolar before a diagnosis of BPD, for many reasons including that symptoms are similar/overlap and that some shy away from making a diagnosis of BPD.

Do you think you'll bring this up with your therapist?

[LatinTigress]

There are therapist who think that BPD it's not really a diagnosis, so that's why is easily mistaken for Bi-Polar Disorder. That's too bad because, even though the medication treatment is the same or very similar, IT'S NOT THE SAME PROBLEM!
Borderlines have drastic mood change in short periods of time, going from depression to mania to fury in very little time (sometime hours or minutes) while for bipolar those mood swings may change drasticly, but they last longer (months or years).
I'm talking from the experience I've had. I may be mistaken though.

[askperts]

Originally Posted by LatinTigress

There are therapist who think that BPD it's not really a diagnosis, so that's why is easily mistaken for Bi-Polar Disorder. That's too bad because, even though the medication treatment is the same or very similar, IT'S NOT THE SAME PROBLEM!
Borderlines have drastic mood change in short periods of time, going from depression to mania to fury in very little time (sometime hours or minutes) while for bipolar those mood swings may change drasticly, but they last longer (months or years).
I'm talking from the experience I've had. I may be mistaken though.

I am going to bring the issue up with my therapist today. We have a very solid relationship and I trust my shrink almost without question. That should not be construed to suggest that I swallow everything my shrink tells me, but I do value and consider everything he suggests. He is almost too patient with me at times and really makes me go digging between sessions for the next illumination. Perhaps if he can see that I am fine with the BPD label if it's appropriate, he'll treat me with less "kid gloves". I remember one time when my Dr. had to cancel an appointment and I had already driven 45 minutes to get there. His staff was so afraid of me that I could hear their voices trembling during the call. I try to be very easy going so I assured them it was no big deal and I would just reschedule. Now I suspect that he warned them that a typcial BPD won't respond well to the change, lol. Perhaps he's known me better than I have known myself but was just waiting for me to discover what I really am.

Thanks for all of your thoughts.

Has anyone made any real progress overcoming irrational jealousy? Because of my severe self-esteem issues, I can create fantasy betrayals from relatively innocuous facts any can have an ab-reaction. I never rage but I can become upset and withdrawn from my S.O. Just curious if DBT or any other treatment has lessened those symptoms.

[LatinTigress]

Originally Posted by askperts

Has anyone made any real progress overcoming irrational jealousy? Because of my severe self-esteem issues, I can create fantasy betrayals from relatively innocuous facts any can have an ab-reaction. I never rage but I can become upset and withdrawn from my S.O. Just curious if DBT or any other treatment has lessened those symptoms.

Not really, no. I still get extremely furious about anything involving my S.O. and any female. Even a "Like it" on his FB wall by a woman makes me see red, so you can imagine how I get when it's an actual post, a text message or (God help) a photo. He's always saying that there's nothing he's hiding and he only loves ME and that he's very attracted to me physically and mentally.

I've been talking about this with my therapist, but it's like I still have this voice in my head that screams "HE'S MINE AND NOBODY BUT ME HAS THE RIGHT TO TALK TO, TOUCH OR EVEN LOOK AT HIM!". And I'm always thinking that he'll eventually leave me for someone else.

I think it's hard not only on me but on him as well. That's why it comes up in therapy. Part of me wants to be in a healthy relationship with a reasonable amount of jealousy. I know it's all about self-esteem (which I have very little) and trust (unfortunately TRUST NO ONE has been my motto for way to long).

It's definitely something to really work on. It takes time.

[askperts]

Thanks. Let's continue to support one another on that issue. My therapist said today that the communication style of my S.O. aggravates my feelings so we'll see how things progress now that he has admitted his suspicion of my BPD traits.

[tattoogirl33]

I'm dxed with Bipolar 1 AND Borderline... Sucks not knowing day to day which one will rear it's ugly head! But I'm learning slowly how to distingish between the two. VERY SLOWLY.. LOL

Anyhow, it's not uncommon to have more than one dx of mental illness as some of the traits are seen in each.

As far as the jealousy... OMG here I am 3 marriages down the drain (and I'm only 33) and my current SO getting fed up with me... I just CANNOT gain control over it! I wish you better luck.

[Wysteria]

Hi Guys...

I'm really new at this and still swallowing the diagnosis and all..but 2 things are helping me a lot. One is a book called the Buddha and the Borderline by Kiera Van Gelder. She went throught the brunt of it and had a terrible time with the jealousy like ya'll are talking about. She was able to overcome a lot of it. It's a cool book and better than some of the others I've been reading.
The other one is a little riskier. It's a site by A J Mahari, and she is Borderline and is now a life coach for borderlines and their families and S.O.'s and so part of the site is for us and part for people that are supporting us. She has some cool insights. I like a lot of what she says, but a little of it was a little shaming for me personally so take what you need and leave the rest as they say IMO. http://borderlinepersonality.ca/ that's the link and there are related links you can go to..she's in Canada.

I hope this might resonate with you or help a little..like I said..just learning myself and need all the help I can find. You guys probably already know all about this stuff anyway....

Wysteria Blue

[Fit1]

Originally Posted by LatinTigress

Not really, no. I still get extremely furious about anything involving my S.O. and any female. Even a "Like it" on his FB wall by a woman makes me see red, so you can imagine how I get when it's an actual post, a text message or (God help) a photo. He's always saying that there's nothing he's hiding and he only loves ME and that he's very attracted to me physically and mentally.

I've been talking about this with my therapist, but it's like I still have this voice in my head that screams "HE'S MINE AND NOBODY BUT ME HAS THE RIGHT TO TALK TO, TOUCH OR EVEN LOOK AT HIM!". And I'm always thinking that he'll eventually leave me for someone else.

I think it's hard not only on me but on him as well. That's why it comes up in therapy. Part of me wants to be in a healthy relationship with a reasonable amount of jealousy. I know it's all about self-esteem (which I have very little) and trust (unfortunately TRUST NO ONE has been my motto for way to long).

It's definitely something to really work on. It takes time.

Yep I hate FB and have the same feelings and emotions you are describing. What I have to figure out now is if the "She is mine and should be committed only to me" is a belief system or BPD. I don't have an issue with a woman I am in a relationship having friends of the opposite sex, there just have to be clear boundaries and I have to be with someone trustworthy. I know that does exsist and is possible. But again I hate FB!

Fit1

[Fit1]

Originally Posted by LatinTigress

Not really, no. I still get extremely furious about anything involving my S.O. and any female. Even a "Like it" on his FB wall by a woman makes me see red, so you can imagine how I get when it's an actual post, a text message or (God help) a photo. He's always saying that there's nothing he's hiding and he only loves ME and that he's very attracted to me physically and mentally.

I've been talking about this with my therapist, but it's like I still have this voice in my head that screams "HE'S MINE AND NOBODY BUT ME HAS THE RIGHT TO TALK TO, TOUCH OR EVEN LOOK AT HIM!". And I'm always thinking that he'll eventually leave me for someone else.

I think it's hard not only on me but on him as well. That's why it comes up in therapy. Part of me wants to be in a healthy relationship with a reasonable amount of jealousy. I know it's all about self-esteem (which I have very little) and trust (unfortunately TRUST NO ONE has been my motto for way to long).

It's definitely something to really work on. It takes time.

Hello LatinTigress,
I totally hate FB! I share the same commitment issues. I feel she should be just as committed as I am in not talking to others of the opposite sex. I don’t have an issue with it when I am in a relationship with someone I feel I can trust and there are clear boundaries. The problem is, is this a belief system or another one of BPD’s unrealistic demands? Either way she does not agree and we are well on our way to divorce. And again, I hate FB!
Fit1

[Fit1]

Originally Posted by tattoogirl33

I'm dxed with Bipolar 1 AND Borderline... Sucks not knowing day to day which one will rear it's ugly head! But I'm learning slowly how to distingish between the two. VERY SLOWLY.. LOL

Anyhow, it's not uncommon to have more than one dx of mental illness as some of the traits are seen in each.

As far as the jealousy... OMG here I am 3 marriages down the drain (and I'm only 33) and my current SO getting fed up with me... I just CANNOT gain control over it! I wish you better luck.

Hello Tattogirl33,
I share your frustration. I am 5 marriages down (2 with the last ex) and am only 40. It is frustrating when my only dream in life was to be a husband and father. I know they weren’t perfect, but I do blame myself, I just wish I would have known about the BPD stuff sooner and maybe could have saved one of my marriages. Now I am fearful to even consider trying again since it appears I just leave a trail of broken hearts behind me.
Fit1