Im pretty newly diagnosed with BPD and am largely still trying to get my head around the moods etc

I had a blazing row with my partner last night, which was over something so petty but has now left me questioning whether I was right or not, or was it just my moods kicking off again

I am now feeling that 'empty' horrible feeling, does anyone else get this after arguements? Is it a reaction to the harmony being disturbed?

Laura

[become_UNmasked]

i hate it when i'm second guessing myself all the time. i always end any argument i have with anyone with "but i could be wrong" i guess that defeats the purpose and i get to feeling depressed too...
i think youre right, i think it is a reaction to the harmony being disturbed... perhaps it was just your moods, hard to say w/o seeing or knowing what the argument was about to begin with, not that i'm asking you to share... although you can if you want.

....the reason I feel empty following an argument with a loved one?

...now that I think of it I cannot believe they even bother with me...

they know I can go solitary for days and days and torment myself and punish myself..until their argument vanishes into a new issue of just me.

..they don't even know this ..because they are getting on with life..,

meanwhile I cannot resolve a problem intact...I was not there ( it seems )...when the problem arrived..(perhaps I am hurting already)

my emotions are already maxxed out!...

the person I am arguing with is just going from one thing to the next...

they say their bit....!

I aint finished!..

off they go...so I perceive...

I am unfulfilled...empty...

the battle I required did not happen...

then I go maybe hurt myself...

does that make sense?

just flying of the corner of my eye...tired

I asked my partner to take a plastic spoon off of my son which he was shoving down his throat, and he kicked off saying that I could do it too and that just lit the fuse and I went off on one saying that he is barely here, works during the day, weekends and sometimes through the night too, and how he doesnt help me much with him. He said that he works so he shouldnt have to and I sit on my arse and swan off to my coffee mornings etc.

Saw the therapist today and she thought that it was unfair, but as always i wonder if it me?

He went to leave again last night, and classy me was on the doorstep shouting...he didnt go, he came back and i broke down in tears at the thought of being on my own...but do i push him away?

ARGH

good on you for screamin your *** off!

LOL thank you - it was really late at night, i hope no one heard me, my madness is usually confined to indoors!

he..he

good girl!

....sometimes it goes outside..

and that can ruin everything..

it's not good mate when that happens.....

glad you contained it!.....somehow?

Yeah it has gone to the public world at times, but they wont see me again i hope so its not all that bad!

...it aint so bad

[become_UNmasked]

i don't think you were in the wrong. you should have help when he's home.. taking care of a baby all day is a BIG job.. i'm in the same boat, but i suppose my husband seems more understanding and patient about it.
either way you have a point and he should want to help with the baby, ITS HIS SON (i'm assuming)
(((((you))))) guys just don't understand what it's like to care for a baby all the time.. i wonder if they'll ever understand. so frustrating

[Perna]

I still remember when my stepmother stated once, after I was older and living on my own, "Almost all arguments are stupid" and I thought about that and realized its truth. There's really no reason for "arguing", it is not how true problems get solved.

Since then I remember that incident and when I feel I am arguing or am in an argument, I immediately try to stop and refocus on what is going on.

Arguments seem to me to mostly be about getting our own way and, if we are not successful or don't feel heard or whatever we think we should get from arguing, that could make us feel worse? But we can't "make" other people do things or see things our way so even trying is a bad idea.

When I felt my husband was not helping me enough, I thought about life without him: I could have the man I love in my life, his income and the life I enjoyed, and take the trash out (if I wanted the trash taken out) or, I could live alone and take the trash out. Guess which I chose :-)

When we ask another person to do something, we have to remember that is our desire that they do it, not their deciding what action to take in their life and they are always in charge of their life. Our actions are always 100% our responsibility and other people's actions are always 100% their responsibility. If we do not like another person's actions (and I consider arguing/spewing hurtful words as an action on my part), we have to decide what we are going to do for ourselves. Complaining about a situation is not an action. If I feel there is a problem, how am I going to solve it for myself; that is taking action.

I "like" arguing, it would appear, since I do it too often; actually, I'm pretty sure it is just a bad habit that I use in a misguided effort to ease anxiety. I have become better aware of what I am thinking, feeling, and doing while I am thinking, feeling, and doing it :-) so now I can decide if I am enjoying what I am thinking, feeling, and doing and modify it if not.

Becoming better aware of myself and my thoughts, feelings, and actions is a project in itself and now helps me feel good about myself because I believe it is something positive I am working on and there is no "judgment" of myself involved; I have taken the thoughts, feelings, actions to a different level instead of the they said/I felt/I-crashed-and-burned immediate level. I have taken the other person out of the responsibility for myself and am working to not judge my "mistakes" (only actions can be mistakes) and to remember that thoughts and feelings are never wrong.

[mysunshine]

Originally Posted by LJayDow

Im pretty newly diagnosed with BPD and am largely still trying to get my head around the moods etc

I had a blazing row with my partner last night, which was over something so petty but has now left me questioning whether I was right or not, or was it just my moods kicking off again

I am now feeling that 'empty' horrible feeling, does anyone else get this after arguements? Is it a reaction to the harmony being disturbed?

Laura

Yeah it's difficult not knowing if the condition is messing around with how i am interpreting what's being said or done.. This is the biggest question I'm facing now too.

The arguements and blow ups that happened when I felt that something was said or done to get at me in some way, or manipulate me often leave me feeling guilty and like I should have handled things better. Even if he insisted that he was not guilty, something would still make me doubt.

But the relationship has just ended and now I need to get some help to try and work out what was going on and find out how much of the condition was affecting my thinking.

I don't know a lot about this condition yet but read that many have trouble with these things. Also swinging feelings of great love for people to not wanting to be around them. It's so very strange. I hope to have some answers soon too.

yes the swinging 'feelings' are not only confusing for us but those around us cannot often figure it out and just get on with their thing...

My bpd takes this as rejection...and IMMediately!....

if I could simply stand back for a minute and think clearly?

and then my mind says to me ..."what is clearly?"...I am hurting!

and I need comfort....but off they go..and I believe it's not personal...they just know they won't get the comfort they need from me right at the time....so I can really push it...corner them...and I feel bad about it ...and

oh mate...I just shake my head as I writr this

bpd is a real social discomfort..

I have had relationships with adored sufferers and MY GOD!
I figured it would maybe cancel out or something?
but the distance between losin' it and really losin' it was so utterly tight!

no-one even knew what happened!
it was dangerous though I guess...even a bit exciting...
but a remarkable thing to walk out of a combined bpd love and hate affair..

some nasty **** and the weird thing is niether of us meant it...

we were a little damaged

but it's ok

to be a little or alot damaged..

we

I have learnt to dissolve those regrets I had no control over..

the borderline mind is so magnificent..it wants to solve everything...

emotions are not in the mind...

anyone got any ideas?