[rebnsof]

Hello,

So, last therapy session my T said that most of the people with BPD had obsessive relationships with their therapists. I told him I knew that, but I didn't want that kind of relationship with him. It would bring me a lot of suffering.
He said he wants to be closer, and that this therapy (CBT) will only work if I feed my obsessive thoughts about him (which I am desperately trying to avoid).

This is scary. I feel like running away, because honestly I think it's too early for this, which I also told him. He told me that I'd be annoying as hell and that he would take all the s h i t I throw at him and help me, because it was the only way of solving my issues.

What do you guys think? It makes me soooo anxious I don't want to have this. I created some distance between us, I admit it, but it's a defence mechanism. Because once I am obsessed with someone, I really AM.

Hugs everyone...

[mcl6136]

Originally Posted by rebnsof

Hello,

So, last therapy session my T said that most of the people with BPD had obsessive relationships with their therapists. I told him I knew that, but I didn't want that kind of relationship with him. It would bring me a lot of suffering.
He said he wants to be closer, and that this therapy (CBT) will only work if I feed my obsessive thoughts about him (which I am desperately trying to avoid).

This is scary. I feel like running away, because honestly I think it's too early for this, which I also told him. He told me that I'd be annoying as hell and that he would take all the s h i t I throw at him and help me, because it was the only way of solving my issues.

What do you guys think? It makes me soooo anxious I don't want to have this. I created some distance between us, I admit it, but it's a defence mechanism. Because once I am obsessed with someone, I really AM.

Hugs everyone...

Hugs to you, to begin with. Have you thought about posting this in the therapy area?

There are some really wise minds over there. I'm not going to predict what they would say, but to ME alone, this would really concern me if I heard it from my therapist. Obsession is nothing to trifle with! I am the same as you..once I get "onto" something, I tend to really dwell, and sometimes in ways that draw me away from healthy habits and...well, just generally not a good thing.

So....good luck to you. I think that therapy can "work" in a lot of ways, and not necessarily in ways that feel all that risky to you.

Trust your instincts on this one, is my two cents.

MCL

[rebnsof]

Thank you so so much for replying, MCL. I am going to post this on that area...
That's exactly what I feel. I'm afraid he does not know what he's messing with... It's something dangerous for both of us...

[shezbut]

rebnsof,

That's a very peculiar request for a T to make (imo). I've seen MANY T's in my life and haven't ever been told that I need to be obsessive with them. WTH??

Yes, you may need to open up, but he/she should wait until you feel safe enough to open up to that level of trust naturally.

I don't like that at all. I hope that you reach a safe and comfortable relationship with your T soon.

[rebnsof]

I know there are things I have to talk about but I'm not ready yet... I will open up but not now.... I'm not ready... I like him but I have only been seeing him for like 10 sessions... and I don't want that kind of relationship with him.... I want a healthy relationship, a respectful relationship...

[Flooded]

If my pdoc asked that of me, I would immediately think they want to feed their own ego..

[athena2011]

Rebnsof,

What EXACTLY did he say? I have misquoted my T before and made him sound unprofessional when in fact he is nothing but. Encouraging you to obsess....not the best idea. Encouraging you not to suppress an obsession that is already there, but to talk about it...that is healthy, because the ultimate goal is to understand and resolve the obsession and that is part of the healing process. I would want to know that he is highly trained in transference though because it can be tricky. I find this unusual for a T doing CBT. But many T's incorporate transference into their practise because it is such a powerful method and really gets to the underlying emotional issues. CBT deals at the thinking level. A T who is willing to get to the emotional level as well may just be worth his weight in gold. Transference based therapies are probably the only ones that get to the emotional level. Let me know if you are unsure what transference is, otherwise this won't make much sense.

[rebnsof]

Flooded, I thought that too!

Athena, I just wish I had recorded the whole conversation so I could know what were his exact words, cause I don't trust myself that much, but I know that he said that I'd be annoying as hell and that he would take all the s h i t I throw at him and help me, because it was the only way of solving my issues.
I am not obsessed with him, I am obsessed with the therapy. I don't know what he thinks, but he told me he wants to get closer because I think he feels that I am pushing him away.
He said people with BPD had that kind of relationship with their therapists and that we had to go throught that.

[athena2011]

Originally Posted by rebnsof

I know that he said that I'd be annoying as hell and that he would take all the s h i t I throw at him and help me, because it was the only way of solving my issues.

My T warned me that would make me angry at some point. Not on purpose, just that it tends to happen and to be prepared for it. And that working through the feelings with him and coming out the other side would be very healing. I suppose in a way that just happened. I was beginning to really think terrible things about him. They had been building up over the past year and I was getting so anxious and blocked in therapy. My rational side told me it was just my own paranoia talking and that they were all stupid complaints. But they STILL had to be dealt with because I couldn't let them go. So I wrote every grievance I had out on paper and went through them one by one with him. Therapy is going much, much better now.

Originally Posted by rebnsof

I am not obsessed with him, I am obsessed with the therapy. I don't know what he thinks, but he told me he wants to get closer because I think he feels that I am pushing him away.
He said people with BPD had that kind of relationship with their therapists and that we had to go throught that.

I was obsessed with my therapy too...in a bad way...as in 'THIS ISN'T WORKING'. I was very close with my T in the beginning and I think for me, it is absolutely a requirement. But somehow I managed to lose that 'closeness'. Seems to be a pattern for me IRL so I suppose that shouldn't have come as a surprise. Slowly now, it is coming back. I am relaxing more in therapy. So - yes, I would agree with your T, being close with them is very important. Mine didn't tell me that - it just happened naturally and I figured it out on my own then he told me it is one of the key elements of successful therapy. I agree with him - especially for people with BPD.

i highly recommend you visit the psychotherapy forum here and post there as well. I found it invaluable.