[kazza29]

This happened to me on Friday
I was having a **** day basically kept crying and thinking of ending it all.My phone goes and its my eating disorder therapist,anyways I start crying down the phone saying I couldnt cope anymore and that i was seriously considering ending it.Cutting a long story short my therapist rang the police and they took me volunteering to hospital.
We got to the hospital and started to panic because of the terrible way I am treated by mental health team.(when they first saw me they were kind when I was dx with BPD they started treating me like dirt a pedo gets better treatment)The police calmed me down and took me in and spoke to a nurse,the nurse said stay with her as she can be violent( a lie,wtf is written on my notes).
I was taken 2 a observation area where a door is locked.The police stayed for an hour ,I kept getting up and walking about as I was getting anxious.I kept asking to leave because I didnt want to see the psych team but they kept saying you need help.( tell that 2 the team who treat me like dirt)anyways a security guard came and they left.10 mins later a surgeon came through the door and I saw my chance I was off.I ran like hell.I could hear the security guard behind me.I ran out the hospital across a busy road.I looked behind me cudnt see him.I saw a shop and went and got some cigs.I came out and there he was with a police man.The police man asked me if I would go back.I said no and started walking.next min he is handcuffing me saying your under section 136.I am taken back to the hospital where he sits with me..I tell him I want to go home as ppl there just think I am attention seeking.I again try and run but he catches me and takes me back.Later 2 policewomen come and he goes,they were total cows ,stood right in front of me.ones on her walkie talkie 2 **** knows who saying my moods were up and down.
cutting it short,the psychiatric nurse didnt come but a psychiatrist,I part cried and part ranted and raved about my so called BPD label when its obv I was depressed not bpd.He said I was BPD and that ppl with BPD were treated just the same as other psychiatric illness( bollacks).he offered me2 go as an inpatient on beechwards but i refused as theres a dr on there that is as nasty as hell 2 me.told me ppl like me cant be helped.so then I went home.

[kiki86]

well i would say that your actions are symptomatic of bpd. and bpd and depression are not mutually exclusive. if that is the dx you've been given you might just have to live with it. yes there is some stigma and some crappy doctors who will treat you differently but there are many who won't, like the nice psychiatrist you met at the hospital! also there is a lot of evidence to suggest that bpd is very treatable so you should find someone who believes that and work on getting better

[kazza29]

if I did have bpd it be a mild form,both me and my eating disorders therapist both think I have depression.you say my actions are symptomatic of bpd but I am sure people with other forms of mental probs may act similar

[ECHOES]

I read your post from start to finish. I'm not sure I understand what you do want.

Was the hospital experience frightening?

Are you feeling better?

Acting out in an emergency department does not mean you have BPD. I have Autism Spectrum Disorder and have acted out in the emergency department a few times. One evening, I fled and was chased by orderlies.

Here are two suggestions to prevent further misunderstanding:

Stay away from the emergency department. Any woman who presents with depression and anxiety, who is angry and has a history of self injury and suicide attempts is automatically labeled BDP, even though they may not meet the diagnostic criteria.

When the BPD Dx comes up, keep calm and be pleasant, then leave. Mental health professionals see diagnosis disagreement as evidence that the patient has BPD. You have every right to contest the Dx, especially if you feel that you do not meet the criteria, just don't reinforce their thinking.

Perhaps, you can ask for an explanation. It is your mental health and you deserve to know why the doctors feel that way.

Work with your eating disorder therapist and find other coping strategies that are not self damaging.

[cboxpalace]

Originally Posted by kazza29

if I did have bpd it be a mild form,both me and my eating disorders therapist both think I have depression.you say my actions are symptomatic of bpd but I am sure people with other forms of mental probs may act similar

The only thing in your post that suggests you have bpd is you stating the dr. dx you with it.

You wanting to end it all could be attributed to Depression, as well as, many other things. You went to the hospital voluntarily <-- not very bpd'ish.

You get to the hospital you panic, you're anxious .. fight or flight kicks in, you take off.. Could be related to depresion, anxiety, traits of something else.

So.. the dr. dx you with bpd.... but your post isn't screaming bpd..

[kazza29]

Originally Posted by ECHOES

I read your post from start to finish. I'm not sure I understand what you do want.

Was the hospital experience frightening?

oh sorry I forgot to add on,I wanted to know if people had been sectioned under 138 or what ever the police section is in your countries and your experiences

[ECHOES]

Originally Posted by kazza29

oh sorry I forgot to add on,I wanted to know if people had been sectioned under 138 or what ever the police section is in your countries and your experiences

Sorry, kazza, I didn't mean that I didn't know what you wanted from your posting, but in the way of help/treatment. What you wish had happened instead of what did happen.

[kazza29]

Originally Posted by Didgee Eeyou

Are you feeling better?

Acting out in an emergency department does not mean you have BPD. I have Autism Spectrum Disorder and have acted out in the emergency department a few times. One evening, I fled and was chased by orderlies.

Here are two suggestions to prevent further misunderstanding:

Stay away from the emergency department. Any woman who presents with depression and anxiety, who is angry and has a history of self injury and suicide attempts is automatically labeled BDP, even though they may not meet the diagnostic criteria.

When the BPD Dx comes up, keep calm and be pleasant, then leave. Mental health professionals see diagnosis disagreement as evidence that the patient has BPD. You have every right to contest the Dx, especially if you feel that you do not meet the criteria, just don't reinforce their thinking.

Perhaps, you can ask for an explanation. It is your mental health and you deserve to know why the doctors feel that way.

Work with your eating disorder therapist and find other coping strategies that are not self damaging.

I was dx BPD after spending one month on a psych ward.Yes I am contesting the DX.some bad things happened to me recently that reminded me of stuff from the past thats caused me 2 do stuff like self harm.you do not suddenly develop BPD in your late 20s early 30s

[kazza29]

Originally Posted by cboxpalace

The only thing in your post that suggests you have bpd is you stating the dr. dx you with it.

You wanting to end it all could be attributed to Depression, as well as, many other things. You went to the hospital voluntarily <-- not very bpd'ish.

You get to the hospital you panic, you're anxious .. fight or flight kicks in, you take off.. Could be related to depresion, anxiety, traits of something else.

So.. the dr. dx you with bpd.... but your post isn't screaming bpd..

thank you.its obv I am not BPD.I am seeing a personality disorders team but its a long wait.I was told I can not be depressed as my moods are far too up and down.
I went voluntarily as they threatened me with section 136.So felt it was best.though I was eventually sectioned anyways

Kazza29,

You should read up on BPD before you meet with the personality disorder team. Possessing that knowledge will help with understanding and questioning, since medical experts are often reluctant to explain in detail.

I have read a lot about BPD, and have found books written for clinicians were the best source for explaining the diagnostic criteria. People in this forum have also recommended a lot of good books for laypeople.

Sorry, kazza, but I'm going to disagree. I've read your posts here and in the psychotherapy forum for a while and I'm not saying that I'm diagnosing you as having BPD, I'm not qualified to do that. But I do think that you're looking for confirmation of a diagnosis being wrong without seeing what you're talking about in regard to how you have described your own behavior. The scenerio you presented is pretty typical of those of us who have BPD traits . .. if not full blown BPD.

In most cases, people who are determined to committ suicide show a deep and abiding depression that has hung on them for several weeks or months. She might feel a lifting of the depression, followed by a burst of determination to make the decision and follow through with it. It's followed with concrete actions of: putting one's affairs in order, giving prized possessions away, saying "goodbye" without mentioning the "reason" behind the goodbye and putting into place the actions to make the suicide actionable.

People in this state don't fade in and out of depressed or suicidal thoughts; they don't often ride a rollercoaster of ups and downs for years and years. There isn't a continual up and down action to thoughts of suicide. In BPD, many of us learn that we find comfort and relief in our thoughts of suicide. We have ridden that rollercoaster of emotion for a lifetime . . .for as long or short our life has been up to this point. I don't see it as a manipulative action as much as a learned relief from the pain we experience, often on a daily basis. For example, we're feeling down or depressed about how life is going or not going and the thought of "offing ourselves" pops into our heads--it becomes a mantra of comfort (ie. "Well, I can just kill myself and I wouldn't have to put up with this anymore!) The thoughts helps to get us through the bad times because we can convince ourselves that "I don't have to put up with this! I can kill myself." It's amazing sometimes how that single thought or belief could comfort us in our time of darkness.

OFTEN, these suicidal thoughts are accompanied by "anxiety" . . . a restlessness of thought and physical action. In fact, anxiety is pretty common during these BPD thoughts of suicidal action. Perhaps even more indicative that these thoughts might be due to BPD traits (confirming what you've been told in the past) is that when you got to the hospital, a place where you could receive the help and care that you need when suicidal, but you struggle not to stay, to not accept the help. This is the push pull we with BPD experience when faced with care and help. We want it but we don't want it--it's accompanied by an intense fear of being controlled or engulfed.

People who are suicidal who have DECIDED that they have determined what their course of action will be to end their misery are laser focused in their plans. They are able to "talk their way out of anything". They are able to walk out of ERs and follow through with their plan. People who are severely depressed and suicidal . .. just give up and allow themselves to get admitted, receiving help and assistance. People with BPD traits or full blown BPD tend to up the ante and the drama when in an ER setting--acting out their push/pull activities of wanting help and not wanting help (ie. running off or becoming acting out in the ER). This is not meant to be dismissive or condemning. I have BPD. I understand the actions and what goes on with many of us with this horrible disorder. It is not about us wanting to manipulate or make people bend to our will. It is about us not being able to accept the help and assistance we need but it is countered by our intense need to let others know that we are in pain and are in trouble. It is about us not being able to calm and tame out wild and out of control emotions . .. emotions that can swing and rage at a moments notice.

I'm glad you're going to meet with the personality disorders team. I hope you're able to listen and that they are able to present their thoughts about the diagnosis in a way that is helpful and caring. NO one with BPD should be condemned or ridiculed for what they feel. . . the feelings are real and they are damaging. They are not about faking or trying to elicit care from others. They are about being able to be open to the care, comfort and learning that others have to offer .. . unfortunately not all caregivers understand this! Take care.

[kazza29]

Last time,I was admitted to hospital,I did go in the psych ward but I was treated terrible by a dr there which is why this time i said no.
the reason i ran was due to how that dr spoke 2 me about how ppl like me just needed to learn to control our emotions,that we are too challenging for the psych unit.
before august this year i was dx with depression and bulimia,when my abuser contacted me and it brought back memories long buried,thats when self harm came in to play,my emotions started going haywire.I am never happy ,no matter what emotion i show happinness isnt one of them and i always feel so empty inside that theres just a nothingness.like i dont belong here.BPD doesnt just suddenly develop in august.thats why i do not think i am bpd though i may have traits.with regards suicide.i at first think for a week or so,plan it then do it.i dont just wake up and say today i will top myself. i cud go in to more details about how i purposly chose a slow form of suicide rather then an instant one,as i rather die in hosp then alone and have chance to say goodbye to people.sorry sounds pathetic i know
I do always think of suicide btw.every single day.

Kazza, you being "treated terrible" by the doctors at the hospital is not your fault and is not the fault of your illness! It is the professionals FAILURE to provide the level of care you need. All the symptoms you describe are what many of us with BPD feel and wrangle with on a daily basis: emptiness, emotions that go "haywire", never feeling truly happy, uneven feelings about suicide or self-harm etc. You are not PATHETIC. You are suffering. YOu are feeling terrible, overwhelming emotions that professionals aren't able to understand or control . .. .so, they label us BPD and manipulative . . . they label us as drama/trauma queens. Guess what, it is their failure, their inadequacies that make our lives even more difficult. I sincerely hope that you are able to find a GOOD, CARING, COMPASSIONATE therapist who knows how to work with individuals with BPD/BPD traits. IT's amazing what happens when you find the right person.

I know that the UK is really doing some amazing stuff with BPD. Anthony Bateman, UK doc, has developed Mentalizing Therapy for people with BPD. THe reserach on this type of treatment is as good as DBT and Schema Therapy. Hopefully, your meeting with the personality disorder treatment team will lead to something

Someone mentioned reading up on BPD and the traits. Do that! Do it with an open mind and a willingness to learn. I was enraged when I was diagnosed with BPD. As a professional I KNEW how hated "we" are as a group by many of the professionals working with us.

I've read on the different boards here on PC how people insist that their therapists tell them that they are NOT BPD. . .it is a relief and sense of vindication for many people to be told that they are not BPD or "only have a few BPD traits?" I know from being in the profession that therapists HATE to diagnosis the clients that they enjoy working with as having BPD.

But you know what, Kazza? The MAJORITY . . .the vast MAJORITY of people who need psychological/psychotherapy assistance fit the criteria for BPD (most people think that they don't because they aren't "aggressive" or they don't self-harm--two criteria that aren't even part of the diagnosis). We are actually the biggest consumers of psychotherapeutic services. AND we aren't all the same. BPD presents in a wide variety of ways. And it is treatable. It is not the death sentence that many unskilled and untrained therapists and hospital staff thinks it is. Take care!

Originally Posted by kazza29

you do not suddenly develop BPD in your late 20s early 30s

Kazza, I forgot that I wanted to address this part of concern about being diagnosed as BPD. Guess what? I wasn't diagnosed with BPD until I was 50 YEARS OLD!!! Yep, that's the truth. I suffered a severe depression resulting in a hospitalization. . . .very similar to your 136 section.

Before that and after the hospitalization I was and have been gainfully employed in the same professional job for over twenty-five years. NO ONE who knew me ever knew about the dark and painful moments that I struggled with for years. Not even my family! I just clamped down and dealt with it until I couldn't deal with it anymore---the walls of defense fell down and boy, when they fell, they really FELL!

Diagnosis isn't about age. It is about what has been going on in your life over time. If this is something that you have struggled with for as long as you can remember, than accept that and own it. If these feelings have only been for a few monts or a year, than it probably isn't BPD. But if you can honestly say that you have struggled with this pain and anguish for most of your teen/adult memory, than do some real exploration of what the diagnosis means and what can be done to help you reach the other side of healing. Good luck!

[BrokenNBeautiful]

I went thru similar stuff with hospitals and stuff.

Whether a person has the dx or not or has the condition, often bpd is treated with stigma. Not always, but still so often.

I myself am afraid to patronize or be admitted to a certain hospital because there they have me down as bpd.

Billi

[Black and White]

I'm sorry this happened to you. Doctors really don't seem to like people with BPD. They should have let you go when you wanted to leave. I wonder if you could try to sue them. When I was taken to a psych hospital I was locked in a room with a male psychiatrist who sexually harassed me the whole time, asking all sorts of questions about my sex life (not just the basic ones) and asked me for sexual favors.