[greyclouds]

Something some one said about recovery is it worth it?

Do you know who you are with out this illness cos I sure as hell don't.

I don't want this... I hate it. But who am I with out it?

I don't know who I am?
I don't know if I would make my friends laugh any more if I was "normal" as such.
Would they still need me, or want to help me?
Would I still need them?

Who in here has changed to the "normal" side.
Are you still you but with out the hurt?

How do you know?

Honestly, I don't know.

[greyclouds]

Originally Posted by Buttercup..

Honestly, I don't know.

That's what I thought ((hugs)) hope you are doing okay

[Ultra Darkness]

I don't think I'd care as much about helping people...
I don't what to change what's inside. Just learn to cope with it.

[hungryghost]

No, I don't know who I am. Or even who I want to be.

But I do have flashes and glimpses of the "real" me, of who I was/what I could have been before it became necessary to bury it in order to survive. I believe that she's still in there, because when I'm in a crisis and those walls start cracking, I hear her again.

I don't know if I can let myself be that person. But I'm pretty sure (sometimes) that I don't want the defenses to define me for the rest of my life. I don't want to always look to other people to tell me who to be.

[AngelWolf3]

I am definitely looking that's for sure! For me, trying to find out who I am is like looking at myself in the mirror, but who I see is not who I am? (did that make sense?) Maybe not, but I don't know, I feel like I am constantly trying to redefine myself...

Heehee, kind of like the ever-changing flavors at a fro-yo place.

Wow. I am really all over the map today.

I wouldn't be anything without it. Sad but true.

[Landoflimbo]

I know I'm fairly new to discovering BPD but i have been the way i am for as long as i can remember, ive always wondered what i would be like if i were normal and had a relatively normal life and dealt with everything differently. I dont i would be anything like the person i am right now. Things would be so different, but it doesn't do good things to think like this

[Ultra Darkness]

"Change one note
Change one line
Nothing's gonna be the same
Change one loss
Change one cut
Everything is rearranged"

This Is Who You Are, by the Transsiberian Orchestra. It's true, too.

You are not your mood swings, You are not your bad behaviors either. Careful in making the disorder a part of you. Those do not make any of you who you are. What makes you who you are is your passions, your likes, dislikes, your underlying personality rather than the overly emotionalness that always masks the real you. You would still be you without the disorder, just able to cope, able to handle life better and function more successfully.

I know who I am. I am the father of my children, and I am very important in their life. I am a friend to many people online, and although I lack friends in real life, the ones that I've made connections with her and elsewhere are in every way just as real. I know that I am an artist, and I know that I am a gamer. I have many other likes, bents and perspectives on life that would never change for the most part if I were not BPD. those are the things that make me, me... so also you.

I would ask those questions of yourself, what do you know you are in your heart? i can tell you a lot of people here what they are, but I'm not going to single them out.. and I know without a doubt BPD is not the reason they are those things

This is one thing I've learned to separate from my identity. I bounce around identity wise but I do not want to "identify" with a disorder. it's like saying to someone that has an immune deficiency that who they are is a sick person with the flu all the time. Their sickness doesn't make them who they are right? it may affect some of their behaviors but it's not WHO THEY ARE.

Ok ::: steps off soap box :::

I always question whether or not I really like something. It can be just trivial things like clothes - I don't know if I like it or not, and I get really depressed and frustrated at myself trying to figure out what my opinion is. I don't have any passions or goals for the future. I change my mind a lot. I've been this way for as long as I remember. I've never been anything.

[greyclouds]

All that I know is real for my love for my kids.. And sometimes I don't like them!!!

But that's not there fault.

I don't remember being anything but this. If you take it away.
What are we left with?
Happiness? Is that true do we believe that?
I want to so much.
I'm scared of happiness

[athena2011]

Originally Posted by greyclouds

Something some one said about recovery is it worth it?

Do you know who you are with out this illness cos I sure as hell don't.

I don't want this... I hate it. But who am I with out it?

I don't know who I am?
I don't know if I would make my friends laugh any more if I was "normal" as such.
Would they still need me, or want to help me?
Would I still need them?

Who in here has changed to the "normal" side.
Are you still you but with out the hurt?

How do you know?

I don't know who I am. The only consistent thing about me is my BPD traits and I do suspect that I keep up my patterns because it is almost like an identity, even though it's one I don't want. I even suspect that when I have (lately) had really good days, I succumb to an identity crisis of sorts and I wonder if that is what throws me back into the hole I'm used to.

As to changing to the 'normal' side - I can do it around particular people. They tend to be non-judgemental, accepting and basically kind people who I view as equals and/or having some human frailties as well. They also do not indulge negative talk for too long. They seem to know (with me) when to switch to another topic and they do it tactfully. I think part of the battle is to simply choose friends who are good for us (as opposed to the opposite). Also to get away from being judgemental ourselves. As Rodney Dangerfield once said in one of his movies "I wouldn't want to belong to a club that would have me as a member". Kinda like shooting yourself in the foot.

[Ultra Darkness]

I know who I am. I'm someone with no social prejudices. I like helping people, and knowing that I've made someone smile makes my day. I'm possessive of my stuff. I love music. I analize things, including myself, because I hunger for information.

I don't want to change any of that. I'm not going to.

i remember who i am when i'm having a good day, who i was before i had kids and the anxiety and anger took hold, and i like that part of me. just want the anger and the anxiety to go away. the rest of the negative would probably follow.

[youwillrise]

no, not really at all. i know THINGS about me, but i dont really know who i am or what i am or why i am outside of the material, the see-able, the hear-able, the touch-able.

[greentires4me]

Originally Posted by greyclouds

Something some one said about recovery is it worth it?

Do you know who you are with out this illness cos I sure as hell don't.

I don't want this... I hate it. But who am I with out it?

I don't know who I am?
I don't know if I would make my friends laugh any more if I was "normal" as such.
Would they still need me, or want to help me?
Would I still need them?

Who in here has changed to the "normal" side.
Are you still you but with out the hurt?

How do you know?

I didn't know I had BPD until a year ago...until that point I thought I was abnormal there was no "normal" so to me everything was a big shock when I got diagnosed. Still is...I was a person with friends a job I could make people laugh by doing funny stuff now. I am out of work with less friends I can count on my hands I believe I have 1 true friend out of it all. I need him as much as he needs me. BPD has changed me I am not the same as I once was the meds have made me a freak. I have wanted it all at one point now all I want it all gone to disappear to disappear into the herds of people. I don't want to resign as a person but just a figment of someones imagination it makes me feel very sad. But I guess this just what happens everything just comes crashing to a halt.

[Jamielow]

Wow that was really good thank u this illness cost me my family
Hope to have their love again this is really what i needed to hear iv
Gone from cold to smile

[greyclouds]

Originally Posted by Jamielow

Wow that was really good thank u this illness cost me my family
Hope to have their love again this is really what i needed to hear iv
Gone from cold to smile

I'm not sure how to take your response.

But I'm sorry you have lost everything, I really am...

I wish you well on connecting with your family again. Keep fighting you will

((Hugs))

[BeautifullyDeprived]

I honesty can say that looking for some sort of name for myself actually makes me comfortable, it makes me realize that I'm not the only one in the world feeling like I'm psychotic. I don't know how to explain it...