What a jerk!!!

What a jerk!!!! My daughter just got married and my x-husband came to the wedding. Well, he abandoned me and “our” children when they were very young. To make a long story short…he said that he didn’t want contact with them because it hurt HIM too much. Over the years, I decided I did not want to be angry at him anymore and chose to forgive him. After getting reacquainted on Facebook about five years ago, in my desperation, I almost got back together with him. Well, he went off the deep end pretty much and blew me and the kids off AGAIN! So, the kids and I went on with our lives.

Okay, so he shows up for the wedding acting all healthy and like he really had it together. I was genuinely happy for him and we welcomed him and tried to make him feel as comfortable as possible. Once he left, he and I began texting and reminiscing over the past. Well, that was all fine and dandy until I initiated a text and he totally blew me off, and a couple days later, I texted him again. He sent me, what I considered a flippant answer to a simple question. So, I didn’t bother to text him again. Well, come to find out….he never even wished “our” daughter a happy birthday…even after I kindly reminded him of that special day.

YES! I know!!! I am an idiot!!! I just wanted to teach my children about forgiveness!!! I never had any intention of or hope in getting back with him a third time…I just was hopeful that because he is now “healthy” that maybe he would treat the kids better. He even said he has a lot to make up for.

I am angry once again! How does a person forgive someone, but keep healthy boundaries??? I do not get how to function in any kind of relationship!!! I am always getting burned no matter what I do. I am so sick of it and I want to become a hermit crab and bury myself in the sand never to return to society!!!

Please let me have it!!! I deserve it!!! I welcome any and all comments…good or bad! Thank you! Cat

People can really disappoint us, sometimes, I know.

What a jerk!

It sounds like you worked hard on this, too.

And thought things might be better.

I feel your disappointment.

I do.

So sorry.

thanks for sharing here. Hang in there.

feel for ya...

Carol

I think that you just need to write him off. If he wants to come to celebrate a wedding or birthday or something sure.. let him but don't even let him in your heart or mind. He's just a loser and he has no idea what he's missing, neglecting his children all this time. he's not worth your time or effort at all.. Heck I'd go as far as saying this post wasn't even worth your wasting your energy on him as much thought as it probably took focused on him! Yeah, keep a distance and if he comes around, put on your "thick skin" armor.

I hear what you are saying. I guess what really bothers me is that he could just disappear out of my kid's lives again and not think twice about it. That makes me so mad. I see the pain on my kid's face and I see the damage it has done. There is no way to ignore that. Believe me, the next time he or anyone in his family tries to contact me...if by chance that ever happens, I am going to say something...even though it won't do any good. They have the thick skin as well as hard hearts! Thanks for your reply

Naw of course you can't ignore it. But you also can't rely on him mending their wounds. Only you can. So that's the proactive thing to do Just be everything you can as a mom and they'll be ok eventually. Though there are scars that will stay with them for life, I know.

I try, but my daughter is pushing me away right now and my son keeps threatening to move far away. Rejection and abandonment are all they know and they are desiring to reject and abandon the one person who has never done that to them. I am not meaning to sound so selfish, but that is what is going on. I don't know how to handle that. I scares me to death! They have walls up to keep me out. It just freaks me out because I thought I was a good mother to them. The problem is that I failed to protect them and they know it.

You can't change people, so don't bother trying.

The DBT therapists in my group, my current DBT therapist, and my care coordinator all try and teach me this every week, because I am constantly trying to take control of a few people in my life that I can't avoid and wish I could change them.

Just give up on him, he's not worth your time.