[This1]

I just want the pointless pain to stop. That doesn't seem unreasonable. But no. That's not how it works. I can't break out of it, and no one else can help, as far as I can tell. I just have to wait, and keep myself from ruining anything important in the mean time.

I don't know why I'm even here. Mute cry for impotent help?

I can't even say why I feel this way. It wouldn't help.

I guess really, the reason I'm here, posting this, is because I need to feel like I talked to someone, and there's no one I can talk to about it. I can't talk to my wife about it anymore, or it will start to be a pattern, and it will lead to her stopping wanting to be with me. That's already happened once, and I am very afraid that I am on the edge of a slide into the same territory. I can't even let her know that something is wrong, because then she'll want me to confide in her, and she hasn't gotten irritated yet about this issue, but I know she will soon, and then I'll start to wonder if she regrets marrying me, and that will be too much, and I'll slide into doing awful things like begging her not to hate me, and then she'll get even more mad, and then--

And it's a similar, if less dramatic, story with any of my friends. I can't talk to them about feeling this way.

So I'm here, posting this. So I can feel like I talked to someone about it. And, really, so it won't stop being real when I wake up and feel fine tomorrow. I can't stand knowing that, no matter how real this pain is, fairly soon it will just be a bad dream that I can't quite remember.

Sorry for selfishly posting this pointless tripe.

[This1]

Actually, I guess that's not quite all. I also wish there were someone I could reliably tell about this sort of thing without them resenting and then hating me for it. But that's not the way it works either.

[poptart316]

ugh I vent to people all the time.. I try not to do it and go through bouts where I stop. They're so nice, they put up with it and say they don't mind.. sometimes I wish they'd tell me to shut the ***** up. Venting doesn't do any good.. it only makes things worse and hurts the people around you but it's so easy to fall into. Outlets are good though.. exercising, painting. I want to make music.. I'm taking vocal/guitar classes next semester, I'm excited. I feel like it'll be a good way to deal with emotions.. making music is kinda like crying in a way and you don't annoy/push people way when you do it.

[minefield]

An idea, by what I can make out DBT for borderline encourages you to hear and recognise what your doing and how your behaving and pull it in check by doing the opposite our minds tell us.

I would suggest couples counselling, make a set schedule where you share how your both feel in a safe controlled environment until you learn how to communicate with each other in a healthy way. Your wife sounds supportive, and it could result in you becoming much closer, I guess it would mean owning the behaviour and accepting it and learn how to master control of that trait.

Might be a daft suggestion it's certainly something I'm being challenged with at the moment. Owning the behaviour it's no simple thing to do, for instance I know I'm draining when my emotions are ruling.

[mednurse80]

BPD is causing such problems in my life and specifically in my marriage. I have been married 4yrs and we have been together 8 years. I think that my husband is at his witt's end with me. He doesn't know what else he can possibly do to help me. When he asks me, I don't even know what to tell him. It seems that no matter how much he does for me, it is never enough. There is always the rollercoaster ride of emotions. I can't trust, I love him, then dispise him, I feel guilty, I cut, I get jealous, I starve myself, I go into rages...I do all these things that I know should make him run for the hills. He has been through alot and I see that he is getting tired. I don't think he can take much more. So yes, it would be nice to be able to vent to other people who understand. Maybe then, my husband will have "less to deal with" for lack of a better term.

I think I get how hopeless and tired you feel, man. I'm tired. Exhausted, really. And every day, some time between my first cup of coffee and lunchtime, I always wonder where it all went, and if it was even real, whatever it was.

[BrokenNBeautiful]

I too feel trapped in needing to share and talk and feeling like all I do is drive ppl away. This leaves me in a terrible vicious circle---alone. I did not learn yet how to relate to others in a balanced way---either I completely close off or I vomit on them all my stuff.

Your post is not pointless to me. I also love to read new posts and see new "faces" here.

I hear you.

I think your wife cares about you. And I think you care about her. But BPD leaves us unbalanced where we don't yet have that happy medium in relating to others.

Welcome.

Carol