[acrosstheborderline]

I have a little boy age five with autism , and hes very closely bonded to me . Today he is at his father's place. He didnt want to talk to me on this phone this morning . This I found unsual for he always would normaly talk to me on the phone . I know he doesnt always want to talk on the phone and that includes other family members too . I felt my heart sank when my x husband said he didnt want to come to the phone . I went on fearing hes going to make my day really hard with his anger problems and cause alot of stress to me. I also felt gulity for argueing with his father and crying over issues of previous abuse in front of our son. I went on to feel depressed and anxious for hours on end. I decided to find his dvd player and fix it up so its going again . I rang my x to talk to my son , I told him I had some good news about his dvd and he was pleased. He went on tell me hes not happy about not going with his father today to melbourne . I worked out he wasnt angry with me at all . I sometimes misjudge people about how they are feeling towards me when they are in a bad mood. I often think its because of me , sometimes it is and sometimes its not . This also affects my mood too . Do others have this problem as well , do know its apart of borderline personality .

[carrie_ann]

hi there

i don't know about borderline personality but i do struggle on a daily basis to figure folks out and read the situation ... i mostly lose ... but i do find it helps to run things by a trusted friend and i usually get an explanation i understand and see i was stressing about nothing.

i wish i could be of more help but i'm sure other replies will be.

[acrosstheborderline]

hi carrie ann , my best friend is my mum and I, like yourself run things by her and she often sorts out whether I have misread the situation or not . More often then not I do and reliased , I stressed myself out over nothing .

Originally Posted by acrosstheborderline

I have a little boy age five with autism , and hes very closely bonded to me . Today he is at his father's place. He didnt want to talk to me on this phone this morning . This I found unsual for he always would normaly talk to me on the phone . I know he doesnt always want to talk on the phone and that includes other family members too . I felt my heart sank when my x husband said he didnt want to come to the phone . I went on fearing hes going to make my day really hard with his anger problems and cause alot of stress to me. I also felt gulity for argueing with his father and crying over issues of previous abuse in front of our son. I went on to feel depressed and anxious for hours on end. I decided to find his dvd player and fix it up so its going again . I rang my x to talk to my son , I told him I had some good news about his dvd and he was pleased. He went on tell me hes not happy about not going with his father today to melbourne . I worked out he wasnt angry with me at all . I sometimes misjudge people about how they are feeling towards me when they are in a bad mood. I often think its because of me , sometimes it is and sometimes its not . This also affects my mood too . Do others have this problem as well , do know its apart of borderline personality .

I'm certainly not as knowledgeable as a lot of the people here, but it sounds like it might be a part of it to me. Negative interpretation of someone else's (seemingly rejecting) behavior, jumping to conclusions about it, having it escalate in your mind and become crushing - having it torment you and affect your self-worth until that person tells you it's okay. (Although it's naturally going to bother anyone if it's her son and there's that kind of arrangement.)

When people show any negativity around me that doesn't have a clear focus, I automatically assume it's directed at me and that I've somehow failed, made a mistake, or that they've decided they can't stand me. Then that becomes something like, "Well, of course they're upset at me/dislike me. Who wouldn't? I'm repulsive and pathetic." So that translates to feeling that I'm "bad" and worthless. It's like the formation of a tornado or something.

I think Carrie Ann's suggestion is excellent, and it's a course of action I've replied upon many times. I try to check myself with my one and only trusted friend and ask her if I'm out of line, misinterpreting, etc. Because I find that I just don't know what to do with people or how to react to them - and that my reactions/instincts are often destructive and counterproductive, even though I only want to be close.

[Fuzzybear]

[acrosstheborderline]

Originally Posted by carrie_ann

hi there

i don't know about borderline personality but i do struggle on a daily basis to figure folks out and read the situation ... i mostly lose ... but i do find it helps to run things by a trusted friend and i usually get an explanation i understand and see i was stressing about nothing.

i wish i could be of more help but i'm sure other replies will be.

I sometimes do this with my parents , get a second opinion and that too makes me see if I'm over stressing or am justified feeling the way I do. I then would get emotional support of Im want Im feeling then and try to deal with the difficult emotion .

[clash]

it's probably anxiety maybe .... was.the t good help?

Yes, and it's common with other emotions too, not just anger, at least for me. Someone could have just eaten something bad and make a nasty face and I'll automatically think it's directed towards me. We're pretty good at interpreting the emotion but if it's negative, we always feel it's directed towards us. At least that's my experience.

[clash]

judgment is hard and i can understand

[ECHOES]

I constantly think people are angry with me. It can grow and grow in my mind (where it all began anyway) and then I will speak to them, get their friendly facial expressions, and it all melts away.

What I have learned is to force myself to interact with them when I'm starting to think they are angry with me, and to be assertive and ask if they are upset with me. In the event that they are (and usually then look bewildered and tell me they are not at all!), then it can be worked out right away.

[acrosstheborderline]

Originally Posted by Maranara

Yes, and it's common with other emotions too, not just anger, at least for me. Someone could have just eaten something bad and make a nasty face and I'll automatically think it's directed towards me. We're pretty good at interpreting the emotion but if it's negative, we always feel it's directed towards us. At least that's my experience.

hi marinara I have found his to be true with me too , I do the same assume if someone is looking at me coldly or nastily its to do with me too,.