[allme]

Well I am feeling stable, which is great right? Yes but I am sooo bored! I have nothing to fight for with the lows and no excitement of a high, although saying that, I am peaking for a few hours here and there! So what do we do while feeling stable? Just live like a 'normal' person? Heck I feel in limbo!

Need and want some excitement but I can't think of anything to get excited about. I am going out for a meal with my bro this evening..all very normal and I should be grateful I am well enough to go out but I am still bored. I am trying not to think about drugs but it is hard. It has been 2 weeks or so now and don't want to give in so early but I need something to tickle me! - So to speak lol Oh the drug thing, I want them when I am high, when I am low and even while stable. I must beat it though....

Ah the limbo feeling, we all work towards it and then we get there and its like now what?? For me, I find myself waiting for the crash instead of actually trying to enjoy it while I'm there! I think you just have to try and keep yourself busy, do things you wouldn't normally and you can actually enjoy it then. Like seeing your brother tonigh, and all the other things you have planned! take the dogs for another walk when you finish work if you have time. You just gotta get out and do stuff!

[allme]

Yeah you are right! I guess my lifestyle is pretty boring because it suited me at one point! I do need to be more active! Can't do much today until I finish work and go see bro but I guess I could try and get out again tomorrow....but to do what? I can't think of anything other than shopping lol

Nothing wrong with going shopping! Treat yourself you deserve it!

[allme]

Originally Posted by secretwhisper

Nothing wrong with going shopping! Treat yourself you deserve it!

Yeah I do, you're right lol

I'm always right

[allme]

Originally Posted by secretwhisper

I'm always right

Naturally, as women, we usually are lol

Haha exactly!!

[allme]

Just put some music on myself and may have a dance with my puppies lol Work is soooooo slow. Plus hubby is on speed awareness course (for speeding - naughty!) so I am left home alone....perfect time for a loony dance haha

[HealingNSuffering]

I know what you mean about feeling stuck in limbo when you feel "normal" its feels so strange when you are so used to the ups and downs. I think the dancing will help and if you can afford it shopping won't hurt either. Oh which drugs are you talking about out of curiosity? I found for me to stay clean I had to develop some sort of routine and exercise played a huge role. Because I mostly was using drugs to cope with inner and outer pain.

[allme]

Originally Posted by HealingNSuffering

I know what you mean about feeling stuck in limbo when you feel "normal" its feels so strange when you are so used to the ups and downs. I think the dancing will help and if you can afford it shopping won't hurt either. Oh which drugs are you talking about out of curiosity? I found for me to stay clean I had to develop some sort of routine and exercise played a huge role. Because I mostly was using drugs to cope with inner and outer pain.

Thanks

I have been addicted to many different drugs at different times since I was 16 or so (now 32) In the past it was cocaine, ecstacy, speed....anything I could get my hands on. Then, sadly for me, I found opiates and took them in any form (other than heroin) to settle the cravings. My latest kick for past 2 years has been Subutex which is a heroine substitute. Very hard to come off of but weaned slowly from a very high and dangerous dosage. Still felt like crap coming off them! I had a blip 2 weeks ago but have been off them since then! Only 2 weeks so just taking it a day at a time! Yes I took up exercise to help with withdrawl and it also helps regulate my moods I would recommend a good 10 15 mins a day atleast. Loving my exercise bike right now

Sorry you have also had problems. It's not easy is it? What did you have trouble with?

[HealingNSuffering]

Oh, I know people who are on those heroin replacements, seems like they are hard to get off of as well. Same here on the multiple addictions. The first drug I ever took was from a psychiatrist for depression and adhd. Never knew how addicted I was until I tried to come off of them and had a withdrawal syndrome from hell. Then I started smoking marijuana every day when I was 13, then about a year later I was doing ecstasy, cocaine and hallucinogens like Psilocybin. I never got hooked on opiates but I've dabbled in them before, my favorite was smoked opium. Opiate based pain pills tend to make me feel sick so I never liked them very much, to be honest I'd rather be in pain than taking them. My drug of choice was definitely marijuana, but also struggled with alcoholism until I turned 21 then I quit because it was no longer fun since it wasn't against the law anymore. I recently quit tobacco and weened off of caffeine as well.

Quitting was definitely not easy, it took a lot of will power and even with a strong will I relapsed a few times. It was a lot like a form of self-harm to me, I would use it to try to cover up my inner pain. Ultimately I quit because it started making my pain and anxiety get worse after awhile, that's why I said it was a lot like self-harm. I would do it knowing full well I would be doubled over in pain for the rest of the day. Last time I smoked marijuana it actually gave me hallucinations and a panic attack on top of increasing my pain levels. The pain levels lead me to panic because it feels like my internal organs are failing when I'm high and I think Oh **** I'm going to die! I'm glad I quit now because now that I'm clean I feel more alive, less cranky and better able to function. Hang in there, being clean definitely gets better with time.

[allme]

Originally Posted by HealingNSuffering

Oh, I know people who are on those heroin replacements, seems like they are hard to get off of as well. Same here on the multiple addictions. The first drug I ever took was from a psychiatrist for depression and adhd. Never knew how addicted I was until I tried to come off of them and had a withdrawal syndrome from hell. Then I started smoking marijuana every day when I was 13, then about a year later I was doing ecstasy, cocaine and hallucinogens like Psilocybin. I never got hooked on opiates but I've dabbled in them before, my favorite was smoked opium. Opiate based pain pills tend to make me feel sick so I never liked them very much, to be honest I'd rather be in pain than taking them. My drug of choice was definitely marijuana, but also struggled with alcoholism until I turned 21 then I quit because it was no longer fun since it wasn't against the law anymore. I recently quit tobacco and weened off of caffeine as well.

Quitting was definitely not easy, it took a lot of will power and even with a strong will I relapsed a few times. It was a lot like a form of self-harm to me, I would use it to try to cover up my inner pain. Ultimately I quit because it started making my pain and anxiety get worse after awhile, that's why I said it was a lot like self-harm. I would do it knowing full well I would be doubled over in pain for the rest of the day. Last time I smoked marijuana it actually gave me hallucinations and a panic attack on top of increasing my pain levels. The pain levels lead me to panic because it feels like my internal organs are failing when I'm high and I think Oh **** I'm going to die! I'm glad I quit now because now that I'm clean I feel more alive, less cranky and better able to function. Hang in there, being clean definitely gets better with time.

Good for you! Yes I do feel better already for it! But then on days like today, bored, it is tempting. But like you say, in the long run they make you feel worse and that's ultimately why I stopped. Just wasn't doing me any good and turned my anger into a blind red rage. What I will do when I hit a low or anxiety levels rise again, I don't know! But for now, I am managing. Just have to keep in mind, really, the drugs don't work!

You should be so proud of yourself! Over coming any addiction is a major challenge and you have given up a lot so far! Keep it going

[avlady]

Yes DANCE your feelings away, you're free and stable even if you are in limbo, at least you're not sufferring right now. Also Shopping sounds great too, but something you want, and enjoy the experience!!

[allme]

Originally Posted by avlady

Yes DANCE your feelings away, you're free and stable even if you are in limbo, at least you're not sufferring right now. Also Shopping sounds great too, but something you want, and enjoy the experience!!

Thank you!

[HealingNSuffering]

Originally Posted by allme

Good for you! Yes I do feel better already for it! But then on days like today, bored, it is tempting. But like you say, in the long run they make you feel worse and that's ultimately why I stopped. Just wasn't doing me any good and turned my anger into a blind red rage. What I will do when I hit a low or anxiety levels rise again, I don't know! But for now, I am managing. Just have to keep in mind, really, the drugs don't work!

You should be so proud of yourself! Over coming any addiction is a major challenge and you have given up a lot so far! Keep it going

Thank you I think the problem is when we get bored we actually have to live with ourselves imagine that! You have to live with yourself until the end, we can be so difficult to live with sometimes we can't even stand ourselves. I think being bored is dangerous for us, I like to keep busy most of the time, if there is absolutely nothing else to do I'll read self-help psychology books. I know what you mean about the rage, I've blacked out during anger spells before, I didn't believe people when they said what I did either. Still don't believe it, because I don't want to believe I could be that violent.

I ate a bunch of food earlier to boost dopamine and exercised now I'm feeling like like a motor mouth for anxiety I find that practicing meditation every day helps reduce it. When I start slackingon meditation my anxiety gets high again as a result, I especially like mindfulness meditation, it also increases my focus and allows me to relax. It allows me to stay grounded in the present and not be so preoccupied with the future and past. When I'm grounded I can take life as it comes, one moment at a time.

[allme]

Originally Posted by HealingNSuffering

Thank you I think the problem is when we get bored we actually have to live with ourselves imagine that! You have to live with yourself until the end, we can be so difficult to live with sometimes we can't even stand ourselves. I think being bored is dangerous for us, I like to keep busy most of the time, if there is absolutely nothing else to do I'll read self-help psychology books. I know what you mean about the rage, I've blacked out during anger spells before, I didn't believe people when they said what I did either. Still don't believe it, because I don't want to believe I could be that violent.

I ate a bunch of food earlier to boost dopamine and exercised now I'm feeling like like a motor mouth for anxiety I find that practicing meditation every day helps reduce it. When I start slackingon meditation my anxiety gets high again as a result, I especially like mindfulness meditation, it also increases my focus and allows me to relax. It allows me to stay grounded in the present and not be so preoccupied with the future and past. When I'm grounded I can take life as it comes, one moment at a time.

I tried meditation in the past but I could never get into it. I am probably in a better place to try it again. Where would you recommend a beginner start?

[HealingNSuffering]

Originally Posted by allme

I tried meditation in the past but I could never get into it. I am probably in a better place to try it again. Where would you recommend a beginner start?

I highly recommend mindfulness meditation its the best one I've tried. Its really hard to do on your own if you have a short attention span, try guided meditation videos on youtube. Here is a guided mindfulness meditation video I found on YouTube. If you don't like it there are like 100,000 other ones to choose from. I found the ones for insomnia to be helpful, it takes practice to learn it.

Mindfulness is essentially staying aware of your surroundings, living moment to moment and not focusing on anything else besides what is happening around you at the present moment. You sit still as possible and pay attention to your surroundings looking at everything in a non-judgmental way. If you do it enough, you learn to appreciate small things and take it all as it comes. Instead of worrying so much about the future, or ruminating over things that happened in the past you keep yourself focused on things that are happening in the present. You pay attention to feelings you are having in the present such as stress or anxiety and sensations you may have in your body such as pain and judge them as neither good or bad.

Check this out while you're here Life Isn't Good or Bad; It Just Is

Mindfulness is really good for times of boredom as well, I can almost sit in the waiting room for my pdoc without fidgeting when I practice mindfulness.

[allme]

Thanks for these links! I have taken a look at them both I struggled with the mindfulness but I guess that takes practice which I am willing to do. I woke up in the middle of the night full of anxiety a couple of times. Not a good sleep at all.

Will keep trying this, thank you!

[HealingNSuffering]

Originally Posted by allme

Thanks for these links! I have taken a look at them both I struggled with the mindfulness but I guess that takes practice which I am willing to do. I woke up in the middle of the night full of anxiety a couple of times. Not a good sleep at all.

Will keep trying this, thank you!

You're welcome! Sorry to hear about the sleep, my sleep has been difficult lately as well, I'm getting rebound insomnia after sedating myself to sleep with antihistamines last week. Plus I've been slacking on my sleep hygiene and not going to bed when I'm supposed to, I wake up feeling tired still. When I have nightmares I wake up because of unconscious anxiety, I wake up sweating, heart pounding in my chest, having a panic attack in my sleep. Hope it helps you, I know it helps me and allows me to think more rationally rather than always being lead by my emotions.

[allme]

Originally Posted by HealingNSuffering

You're welcome! Sorry to hear about the sleep, my sleep has been difficult lately as well, I'm getting rebound insomnia after sedating myself to sleep with antihistamines last week. Plus I've been slacking on my sleep hygiene and not going to bed when I'm supposed to, I wake up feeling tired still. When I have nightmares I wake up because of unconscious anxiety, I wake up sweating, heart pounding in my chest, having a panic attack in my sleep. Hope it helps you, I know it helps me and allows me to think more rationally rather than always being lead by my emotions.

Aw sorry to hear that I dread having those panics at night times! The only dreams I usually remember are nightmares so can understand the torment. Not being lead by emotions sounds good to me! I want to be a Vulcan deep down lol

[HealingNSuffering]

Originally Posted by allme

Aw sorry to hear that I dread having those panics at night times! The only dreams I usually remember are nightmares so can understand the torment. Not being lead by emotions sounds good to me! I want to be a Vulcan deep down lol

Same here on the nightmares, for awhile they were happening every night for several months then I finally broke down and called a therapist for help. I found talking about the content of them with the therapist helped reduce their frequency after awhile, I also take an herbal supplement for depression to reduce some anxiety/depression/impulsive behaviors. With the combo of therapy, meditation and "medication" its been getting better. I'm still working on some parts, I have a lot of issues. That's why I chose to go to a therapist who uses cognitive behavior therapy because my negative ways of thinking were making my life miserable and CBT has the most evidence for efficacy on the conditions that I suffer from.