[IGotThis]

So my main go to person is my dance teacher, who has been nothing less than a second mom to me... After learning I was suicidal this spring, she has been nothing but 100% supportive of me and helping me get treatment and pushing me when I want to give up... That being said, I have put her through hell... She was starting to get burnt out, but still wanted to be here for me, so she started setting limits... I absolutely hate these limits, and can't help but feel like they're because she doesn't want to be around... I completely realize I am the reason they have to be there, but I feel like they are unnecessarily harsh, even though I know they are perfectly reasonable... After 9:30 at night, I can't text her or call her unless its an absolute emergency, and if I do, she is automatically taking me back to inpatient... She took me the first time around, too, and sat in the er with me literally all night... But now, even if we're in the middle of a conversation, once it hits 9:30, I get an "I love you" and that's the end of the conversation... I can't help but feel like she's slamming a door in my face every time, that just happens to have the words "I love you" written on it, even though she obviously doesn't care about me enough to even finish a conversation... And usually she replies to my emails after that, but if I send an email today, she won't reply until tomorrow... I hate feeling so alone every night because the one person I've been able to rely on for so long refuses to be there any more... And I feel like getting on here just makes it worse, because its a reminder that she left me there to suffer through the night on my own... The other problem I have with getting on here is that I feel like I am just a name with a label... Because I am just a name with a label... IGotThis with BPD... I'm scared that I'm just going to be stuck with always having to come to this website with a bunch of people who never know if they'll be hot or cold, and when I'm already so uncertain of myself, it's scary...I feel like I'm breaking just because I can't have her with me, and because I'm the reason I can't have her with me... I hate feeling like she is leaving me just because she is taking care of herself.... It's absolutely terrifying

[allme]

Oh you poor thing It sounds like you have a terrific friend there but you have to respect her 'limits'. She has placed these limits to protect herself and to keep some kind of control to keep herself safe.

I don't know that it's so healthy to keep only her as your main support system. This can't be easy for her and it wont be healthy for you either.

Don't let the BPD tell you she doesn't care when she cuts you off, kindly remind yourself she has her own limitations and can't always be there for you.

Take some control, it seems as though you're full steam ahead unloading onto this woman I know it's wonderful to have someone there like that but try to have some self restraint in how much you give to her. I mean that is the nicest possible way.

She isn't going to be 'the answer' to all your problems.....take her little at a time and respect her limits.

But unlike her, you can post and talk to us here as much as you like. Maybe you should share more with us?

[gnat]

Trust me when I say, work hard to respect her boundaries. I pushed my friend and lost him
He said it was for other reasons and for the most part I believe this to be true, but as we are trying to repair our friendship he is setting boundaries because it was too much for him. I miss him desperately as we are down to once a week or so contacts, but it's the right thing to do. Not only do I have to respect his limits to make things work, I have relied on him far too long and need to find a way to deal that isn't just dumping on friends. I'm new art this and it's hard, but I'm trying to keep myself busy to help me deal. Dancing more often, trying to pick up old hobbies or start new projects. I also just recently started a blog on this site. It's hard to force myself to do this when I'm so stressed and depressed, but when I can get myself there I do feel better.

I also understand where your friend is coming from as I've been on that side of things too, being forced to place boundaries on someone I cared about because I had to live my own life too. It was hard because she is single and as no kids and didn't understand why I couldn't be there for her all the time, or that but king off the phone in the evening was important as I had to get up for work in the morning an my husband was upset because he felt ignored. Don't burn out your support system. They need to be able to take care of themselves in order to care for you.

[unaluna]

So you're in therapy but you're still leaning on your dance teacher? That role should eventually transfer over to your therapist? Are you not getting enough out of therapy? Btw, I read your name as, I can handle this

[IGotThis]

I do completely realize I need to lean on other people and not just her, I just have extreme trust issues, and I always have, and the two other people I usually lean on both got pregnant around the same time, so I can't to to either of them... I have also have quite a few very bad experiences with therapists, so it is taking me even longer to trust the one I'm with not completely... I am already seeing her twice a week and my psychiatrist once every two weeks... I am slowly being able to trust her more, but it is taking time...

I am trying to lean on other people in my life and take some of it off of her, but then I find myself talking to her about something and feeling bad about having left stuff out, because then I assume she already knows something, and feel like she doesn't trust me when I bring something up that happened a while back, because there have been a few times she says "you never told me that" or "I didn't know that" (not intended to cause guilt, but causing it nonetheless).

I actually got this name when I was in inpatient... My catch phrase, if you will, was "it happens" but when I went inpatient, every time I said "it happens" somebody replied with "but you've got this"... So slowly "I got this" became my new catch phrase... It's not always how I feel, but it at least works as a somewhat reminder when I see it.. I hate it being my name on here when I'm upset, though, because its way more optimistic than I ever am towards myself... I have complete confidence in everything else, but none for myself...

[allme]

Sorry about your trust issues. I have trust issues with t's because my last one was a jerk who crossed the line but a new t is on the horizon and trying to keep in mind they are not all the same!

Wishing you the best!

[IGotThis]

All of mine in the past have just said I'm lying about how I'm feeling to get attention, and I need to just grow up and get over it.

[unaluna]

Wow that is like totally bogus. When I was like 50 I finally got myself a child psychologist and that has made a big difference as far as his expectations of me. Like with dance, you must be extremely disciplined in some ways, so they figure you must be very advanced in ALL ways. But in most other ways ie besides school I was extremely neglected so I was actually waaaaay behind normal people.

[IGotThis]

See, I'm only 19.. The therapist I have works with children, adolescents, and young adults... I've only ever had child therapists before, and they just kept telling my mom I was being dramatic... I also never had depression or anxiety issues until this past year, I just had the fear, which they said was totally unnecessary.

[GeorgiaGirl413]

Respect the boundaries that your friend has given you. She is very wise to have done so. You are more blessed than you know to have this person in your life. As folks with BPD we are clingy and needy. Most folks just walk away all together rather than deal with us. You have someone willing to be there for you, respect the limits she has set up.

[IGotThis]

I am, it'a just hard as hell, because every night I have to fight myself not to do something stupid, and it takes so much out of me just to convince myself that she'll still be there in the morning.... Since she's set that boundary, I haven't sent her any messages after 9:30, with the exception of things that she has asked I keep her up to date on, and although she never replies until the next day, there have been a few times when I can tell she's read it, because she kind of mentions it in passing in that nights emails...

This whole thing wasn't meant so much as an I don't want to keep this limit (I don't, but I have and I will continue to do so), it was more of an I need advice on how to get through those nights that are like pure hell because the one person I'm comfortable talking to isn't there...

I do realize how ridiculously lucky I am to have her sticking around on this sickening roller coaster ride... And while there are times I unintentionally treat her like crap, even on the downswings I try to let her know how much I appreciate her being there for me and being there with me...

[GeorgiaGirl413]

It sucks. One of the things that helps me is journaling. I had a T once who had to set the same sort of boundaries with me. I would write down the things that I would tell her if I could, or when I could, talk with her. Also, and this sounds childish I know, I would color. I got a big big coloring book and box of crayons and I could color for hours on end. I don't know why this helped me, but it did. Also, be careful about what you read, listen to, or watch on TV. Sometimes these things can trigger those needy feelings. You will probably have to try several different things before you find one that works for you. This is most definately something you should be discussing with your therapist. Good luck to you.

[IGotThis]

I've tried journaling, and it worked for a while... I've had a really hard time figuring out what to write lately, because my mind is so jumbled... I really like the coloring idea... You don't have to figure out what you're trying to say that way...

I am working on finding options with my therapist... It's just taking a while... I know it will probably be another while before I finally find something that works really well, but I feel like I get stuck in this waiting for her to give me another option, but she's really keen on having me try something for a while before I give up on it... I'll get there....

I am actually looking for a song to dance to for a solo this year, and somebody posted on here the song "The Lonely" by Christina Perri... I actually really kind of want to do it, because it expresses so well how I feel each and every night, so with her teaching that dance, I'll still have that to go to when I am feeling lonely, so I won't feel as lonely (hopefully)... Like I'll have that dance, which will automatically have a piece of her in it, and with that dance, I'll have a way to express the feelings I can't explain in words... While it will be stressful to put myself out there that way, I can just assume everybody thinks I'm acting, so it won't be as much pressure... And if it gets too overwhelming, I can change it and go with a different song... Since she's the one who I have gone to with just about all of this, I feel like there's a good chance she'll know how to use this stuff to help me express it without pushing it too far... I don't know if that makes any sense at all

[GeorgiaGirl413]

you'll get there. keep working on it. try coming to the chat rooms here in the evening. that might help.

[IGotThis]

Which ones? I've gotten on the last few nights, but apparently I don't know what I'm doing, because I end up being the only one on...

[allme]

Originally Posted by IGotThis

Which ones? I've gotten on the last few nights, but apparently I don't know what I'm doing, because I end up being the only one on...

Usually at least someone in chat but I personally find it hard to go there and strike up conversation as it seems ppl already know each other and kinda don't want to get in the way...

[IGotThis]

Originally Posted by allme

Usually at least someone in chat but I personally find it hard to go there and strike up conversation as it seems ppl already know each other and kinda don't want to get in the way...

I'll get on with you tonight. I don't know anyone... It can't be on until about 10:15 though

[IGotThis]

And realizing you're in England and not Ohio, I'll rephrase, and say 3 hours from now.

[allme]

Originally Posted by IGotThis

And realizing you're in England and not Ohio, I'll rephrase, and say 3 hours from now.

Aw lol yeah will be in bed shortly 12.20am here! But thanks...could of done with a chat...

[IGotThis]

Originally Posted by allme

Aw lol yeah will be in bed shortly 12.20am here! But thanks...could of done with a chat...

We can just talk on here for a bit if you want? I'm not home, and I can't do the chat from my phone...

[allme]

Originally Posted by IGotThis

We can just talk on here for a bit if you want? I'm not home, and I can't do the chat from my phone...

Shoot, have been here for a couple of hours for conversation but no one around and now going to bed lol Thanks though, will defo take a rain cheque

[IGotThis]

Originally Posted by allme

Shoot, have been here for a couple of hours for conversation but no one around and now going to bed lol Thanks though, will defo take a rain cheque

Alright I'll talk to you later!!! Try to get a good nights sleep!!!

[allme]

Thanks Good night