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  #451  
Old Jan 07, 2014, 10:16 PM
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technigal technigal is offline
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So exhausted. Had a 3 hour nap today which helps but still so tired. I see my T tomorrow, need to talk about the phobia that is taking control of my life.
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Depression diagnosed March 1996
PTSD diagnosed January 2000
BPD diagnosed September 2013
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  #452  
Old Jan 07, 2014, 10:57 PM
Anonymous37965
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Cried and cried for hours this evening. He makes me feel like everything is my fault. The screaming the name calling the phone calls. I'm just crumbling. Someway somehow its always my fault I'm always to blame.
Cracking I'm crumbling where to go what to do every turn I take there's more conflict more problems more yelling.

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  #453  
Old Jan 07, 2014, 11:05 PM
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Longing2Exhale Longing2Exhale is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by beloiseau View Post
some days i just feel like a complete no one, like i don't really exist or make an impact on this world, like there is no one that will ever choose to love me
Hugssssss

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Darkness may endure for a night, but Joy IS coming in the morning.
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  #454  
Old Jan 07, 2014, 11:22 PM
ready2makenice ready2makenice is offline
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Was doing so well,now feeling so low and down with my ED lingering. Don't want to see my T or anyone this week,just want to cry my eyes out but I can't because I think I'll just go into rage and SH
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  #455  
Old Jan 08, 2014, 05:40 AM
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Bubbles&Buttercup Bubbles&Buttercup is offline
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Only stayed in the hospital for one night, it was horrible and they took my phone and I wasn't allowed a laptop and it just made me feel worse. The pdoc I saw today was a douche.
Home tonight and off to see some community mental health team who wouldn't help me months ago but now that I was in hospital apparently they are willing. Not feeling very hopeful about tomorrow but I'm feeling a bit better in general tonight.
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"Mental wounds still screaming, Driving me insane
I'm going off the rails on a crazy train"
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  #456  
Old Jan 08, 2014, 07:38 AM
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beloiseau beloiseau is offline
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Dbt group this morning... I have a list to discuss with the therapist... Oi

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I am not this hair, I am not this skin. I am the soul that lives within.

Prozac 40mg, Neurontin 400 mg TID, Remeron 45mg

depression, anxiety, borderline, social phobia, ed nos, self injury.


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  #457  
Old Jan 08, 2014, 04:30 PM
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hawaii04 hawaii04 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by UnderTheRose View Post
not doing horrible, not doing great. not really doing anything.
I've been there, often. It's not something I really am comfortable with feeling; at the same time, I think to myself, it sure is better than the unattractive alternative.
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  #458  
Old Jan 08, 2014, 05:19 PM
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Angel of Bedlam Angel of Bedlam is offline
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Got to see my pdoc and my meds were upped. 1200 of neurotin, and now on paxil (20 mg), on top of 25mg trazadone, 200 lamictal and 50 mg hydroxizine. The meds really help, but being on so many sometimes makes me feel like a looney.

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Am I the only one I know, waging my wars behind my face and above my throat?


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  #459  
Old Jan 08, 2014, 06:23 PM
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technigal technigal is offline
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Saw my T today, still waiting to find out when DBT starts and when I get my new T. I hate having to switch T but they are different programs and I can't be in two programs at once.

I did download some guided relaxation and soothing music finally. Hope it helps with calming me down when I am in a panic attack. My T also suggested I try music when I wake up in the middle of the night. Willing to try almost anything at this point.
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Mags

Depression diagnosed March 1996
PTSD diagnosed January 2000
BPD diagnosed September 2013
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  #460  
Old Jan 09, 2014, 09:17 AM
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beloiseau beloiseau is offline
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Job interview this afternoon...not as anxious as I feel I should be, which is making me nervous. Getting caught up in the emotional myth I should be super anxious about this.
__________________
I am not this hair, I am not this skin. I am the soul that lives within.

Prozac 40mg, Neurontin 400 mg TID, Remeron 45mg

depression, anxiety, borderline, social phobia, ed nos, self injury.


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  #461  
Old Jan 09, 2014, 10:10 AM
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Maranara Maranara is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by beloiseau View Post
Job interview this afternoon...not as anxious as I feel I should be, which is making me nervous. Getting caught up in the emotional myth I should be super anxious about this.
Absolute best of luck. Not being anxious is a good thing, don't feel guilty about not feeling anxious...go with it!
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  #462  
Old Jan 09, 2014, 10:57 AM
viking83 viking83 is offline
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Member Since: Nov 2013
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Really bad few days. I had to move back with my mum (also happens to be in different country) before christmas. Really difficult to stay positive, got no friends here, no job (im looking), 30 and still single. Im keeping active and trying to be outside as much as I can but some days (like today) are tougher than others. Plus I dont really get on with my mum (doesnt know about my bpd).
Im sure tomorrow will be a good day, I hope anyway!

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  #463  
Old Jan 09, 2014, 12:13 PM
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Longing2Exhale Longing2Exhale is offline
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so effing annoyed.

I very rarely have the rage and anger that is associated with BPD, but when i do, omgggggggggggggggggggg, i'm so effing pissed right now.

fml!!!

so i've been working on Project B for two days at work, and my boss comes up and asks me to send him all the stuff from Project A. I tell him, "i stopped doing project A because you told me Project B was urgent, needed ASAP, and took major priority over Project A" he says "oh yeah, i forgot, well you don't have to worry Project B, we don't need it. Give me what you have done on Project A" Oh my effing gosh!!! i just wasted 2 days of my time pulling reports and doing scrupulous research and now "oh yeah, we don't need that" oh my effing gossssssssshhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. So livid!

trying to let it go, but soooooooooo irkedddddddddddddddd
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  #464  
Old Jan 09, 2014, 03:08 PM
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Maranara Maranara is offline
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Today is a little better. I printed out copies of flyers, brochures and business cards that I created and I'm going to go out a bit. I need to conquer my fear and well as have a good, healthy dose of patience. Things may not turn around overnight, but I have to believe they will....
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  #465  
Old Jan 09, 2014, 07:53 PM
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Britneigh Britneigh is offline
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Crash. Hard. I don't care. I want to just let things slip away. Its funny because I don't think that anyone here would even notice if I stopped posting. Whatever though. I'm just done.
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Life's so dark when every day is a struggle
Why go out and see the world on fire
Don't let your mindset become what controls you
Speak right now and make the choice to grow
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  #466  
Old Jan 09, 2014, 08:09 PM
The_little_didgee The_little_didgee is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Britneigh View Post
Crash. Hard. I don't care. I want to just let things slip away. Its funny because I don't think that anyone here would even notice if I stopped posting. Whatever though. I'm just done.
I just noticed. Have you looked into some of the resources I sent you?
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  #467  
Old Jan 09, 2014, 08:16 PM
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beloiseau beloiseau is offline
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I think I've felt like 500 emotions today, and I'm exhausted. Job interview went well, but now I am even questioning the field at all. If you aren't what you do, what are you? Stuck in the dissociative, dysregulated, existential place I know so well.
__________________
I am not this hair, I am not this skin. I am the soul that lives within.

Prozac 40mg, Neurontin 400 mg TID, Remeron 45mg

depression, anxiety, borderline, social phobia, ed nos, self injury.


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  #468  
Old Jan 09, 2014, 08:48 PM
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Bubbles&Buttercup Bubbles&Buttercup is offline
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Just woke up, I've already yelled at my mum on the phone and started bawling. Now I just feel nervous and indecisive about everything and like I'm going to vomit. I wanna go back to sleep.
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"Mental wounds still screaming, Driving me insane
I'm going off the rails on a crazy train"
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  #469  
Old Jan 09, 2014, 11:26 PM
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Britneigh Britneigh is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by The_little_didgee View Post
I just noticed. Have you looked into some of the resources I sent you?
I started to. Then I got busy. Now I don't care to try. I just feel so cruddy
__________________
Life's so dark when every day is a struggle
Why go out and see the world on fire
Don't let your mindset become what controls you
Speak right now and make the choice to grow
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  #470  
Old Jan 10, 2014, 02:31 AM
Anonymous200125
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I see the pdoc today and I'm pretty nervous. I've had bad experiences with her in the past but I have to remind myself that last time wasn't so bad. I'm also unsure if she will actually put me on more meds or not....risk of OD...
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  #471  
Old Jan 10, 2014, 05:39 AM
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shezbut shezbut is offline
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I'm on a reaalllly fast see-saw right now. Excited and stooped. About as fast as I typed this. Up and down in that fast, on and on it goes!
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- Martin Luther King Jr.


"Forgive others not because they deserve forgiveness but because you deserve peace."
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  #472  
Old Jan 10, 2014, 08:26 AM
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beloiseau beloiseau is offline
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Pdoc day and T day in group.... I just want to cry but I can't.
__________________
I am not this hair, I am not this skin. I am the soul that lives within.

Prozac 40mg, Neurontin 400 mg TID, Remeron 45mg

depression, anxiety, borderline, social phobia, ed nos, self injury.


Hugs from:
bataviabard, Bill3, hawaii04
  #473  
Old Jan 10, 2014, 12:35 PM
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Maranara Maranara is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by shezbut View Post
I'm on a reaalllly fast see-saw right now. Excited and stooped. About as fast as I typed this. Up and down in that fast, on and on it goes!
That can be very very hard, but I definitely get it. Hang on for the ride; it won't last forever, though I know it seems like it's going to.
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  #474  
Old Jan 10, 2014, 04:07 PM
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hawaii04 hawaii04 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by shezbut View Post
I'm on a reaalllly fast see-saw right now. Excited and stooped. About as fast as I typed this. Up and down in that fast, on and on it goes!
The good thing about BPD . . . . it does give us a break. Hang in there
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shezbut
  #475  
Old Jan 10, 2014, 10:32 PM
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Aphrodites_Muse Aphrodites_Muse is offline
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Emotionally confused. Mostly feeling well. Battling paranoia. Can't get anything done because I want to do everything.
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"Yes yes y’all and it never stops
I don’t trust the government, I don’t trust no cops
We dip and we dive and we socialize
We struggle and we strive just to stay alive." ~Everlast~
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