[Angel of Bedlam]

Do any of you have that one person who triggers you and almost immediately can take you from happy to either blood boiling rage to deep sorrow and guilt and self hatred? That person for me is my mother.

To understand this morning you'll need some background... so I dated a guy for like 7 months who was very emotionally abusive and horrible to me. I was in the idealization period and he became my world so I moved up to where he lived, left a really good job, and left my family. Long story short we didn't work out and I ended up on my mother's doorstep in the middle of the night and begged her to let me stay as I left my apartment to move in with him.

We've been living there since March and with me being BPD and her being bipolar, things have been rocky but usually okay.

This morning was rocky. She was complaining about me leaving lights on and I got pissy, she's been in a low lately so I know I need to be patient but it is hard sometimes. She told me I should be grateful to live with her to which I responded that she should be grateful that I live there (as I pay her rent and supply all the groceries and buy most the household items). She laughed at me and said that she's never been grateful to have us (being my son and me) live there. That hurt tremendously and now I'm wallowing in self-hatred. She is such a trigger, I hate feeling this way.

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[nycgal448]

I am goin thru the same EXACT thing. I feel ur pain. My mom has been
emotionally abusing me for yrs. I have nothing left for her. She blames bi polar and my BPD
on my relationships... lmao. She has no clue what it entails. She is prejudice against my illnesses and does not care; in essence she blames me and thinks I am making it up all in my head. Not sure what exactly all my triggers are yet; bank on one of them is her. my impulses and mania are occuring more often now. I need to take me and my autistic son away from here. i can totally relate. talk to ur dr. gl.

I don't have particular people that trigger me, its more a situational thing for me.

I'm sorry that your mum made you feel this way

There is no way that you should be turning this on yourself though, you have done nothing wrong. An emotionally abusive relationship is not one that you should be living in or raising your son in! And like you said, you're paying rent etc....

Yes your mum may be going through a low but that doesn't automatically give her the right to put you down like that.

Massive hugs to you

[Angel of Bedlam]

Thanks. It's hard because I want to get out but with the amount I pay and the amount of miscellaneous things I'm responsible for, I am always broke so I can't save up for a deposit or anything. It's like she wants to keep me there so she's not alone.

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It sucks when you can't save at all does your she not pay anything towards rent and groceries?

My family in general but especially my mother. Hope things get better for you.

[Angel of Bedlam]

She pays toward rent and utilities but blames me for all her debt (which in no way can be attributed to all me, she was manic basically all summer and blew money, even stole money from me and my son out of our birthday cards from family). Sometimes she contributes to groceries and household items but it is infrequent. She is riding a low and has been seriously binging so that's costing even more.

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Oh ok, I understand. Sorry, its such a rubbish situation to be in I really hope things get better soon!

[Angel of Bedlam]

Thanks. She ran out of one of her meds and didn't budget to refill it so she is literally so hard to be around. I am full of rage and hurt. I just want to SH sooooooo badly. I've just scratched till I bled and am trying to get it under control. I'm starting my crisis plan and working for distractions.

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[technigal]

I hope things are getting better for you.

The person who triggers me is my mother-in-law. Even hearing her name sets me off. Not fun at all. She is not a good woman and constantly hurts me but I am the one over-reacting... She has told my husband that if he is still with me when she dies that he is written out of her will. She has offered him money to divorce me. She tries to pit my son against me (I want to take you to Disney but your mommy won't let me). It goes on and on, yet my husband at times still blames me for not trying to get along with her. I tried, I tried for 13 years before giving up. I truly believe she has some sort of diagnosed mental illness.

[Angel of Bedlam]

My mom is bipolar and I think may have undiagnosed NPD. She is in a low and has been so just... mean today. She sat on her *** cause she "wasn't feeling well" and criticized the way I was doing everything. The way I was cleaning, the way I raise my son... I mean even intentionally rooting for the other team during the football game today (one she doesn't even like) just to bother me. When she gets low, she picks and picks and picks at me until I explode and then blames it on me because she's not the one who blew up. Like one of the neigbor boys was over playing and our neighbor came to take him home and I had just finished cleaning when she got there and my mother came into the room with a rag in her hand pretending to clean and then apologized for how messy the house was, acting as if she'd been cleaning all day (when I had). Then when our neighbor left, she laid back down and left everything to me again. I don't get itm

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[technigal]

I suspect that Joyce (my MIL) is NPD but unlike her I will not diagnose her. She has continually tried to diagnose me, and always wrong. I told Sean that he is not allowed to tell his mom my diagnosis. She will just use it to try and gain custody of our son.

[Angel of Bedlam]

She just sounds evil. I'm so sorry you have to deal with her.

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OH yeah. For me, that person is my grandmother. She helped me take care of my oldest child during a rough period in my life, but now that I'm clean and got my act together she never stops throwing it in my face.
I don't know what mental illness she suffers from, but I know whenever she acts out other family members sweep it under the rug, but if I dare finally lose my **** after she's been verbally abusive for months, than I'm the bad guy. It's BS.
Hang in there.

[Angel of Bedlam]

You too. I'm sorry about granny, it's so hard to deal with that always being hung over your head. You should be soooooooo proud of all the hard work you've done!

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Originally Posted by Angel of Bedlam

You too. I'm sorry about granny, it's so hard to deal with that always being hung over your head. You should be soooooooo proud of all the hard work you've done!

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Thank you. Living in a highly invalidating environment is pretty toxic at times. For example, my mom says the fact that I maintain a 4.0 GPA at community college means nothing, cuz I have no degree yet.
but I've learned to value the opinion of others a lot less. Not to say that I don't still struggle.

[Truth in Ruin]

Originally Posted by ThroughBeingCool

Thank you. Living in a highly invalidating environment is pretty toxic at times. For example, my mom says the fact that I maintain a 4.0 GPA at community college means nothing, cuz I have no degree yet.
but I've learned to value the opinion of others a lot less. Not to say that I don't still struggle.

4.0!?... Good Job!

[transientsoul]

My son - he's 26 going on 12. He has issues... on SSI from when he was little with ADHD but mental issues are way past that now, likely schisoaffective etc. but yeah, he's fun to live with - not.

We are the picture of codependency and I hate it. Sure we have good times, share a strange sense of humor and I do love him - and know he loves me, but then there are times like last night when I would gladly walk out the door and never see him again without any regret.

He triggers me when he acts like that 12 yr. old, almost to the point where (and last night he did) he sticks his fingers in his ears and goes "la la la I'm not listening". He's so damn smart and I abhor when ignorance wins out over intelligence in anyone, and when I see it manifest to that degree in him I feel like it is equally manifested in me because I have to - at least in the moment - put up with it. Add to the fact that it's all too easy for me to get suckered into that petty behavior and try to override it by pointing out how I'm not trying to win any arguement but -am- justified in what I'm saying... he doesn't want to hear it, la la la....

Honestly, if he -wasn't- the spawn of my uterus, he's the kind of person I would - and often do - loathe.

[Angel of Bedlam]

That's always hard. Reminds me of the relationship I have with my mother. If she wasn't my mother, I'd want nothing to do with her.

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[crazycat000]

My father and a few of my friends are constant triggers for me. All they do is invalidate.

[Rzay4]

Wow I can totally relate my mother is also a trigger in very similar ways.

Also the nurse at my PHP program as they're accusing me of falling in love with her. When I think she is falling for me. See other forum.

[dumburn]

My father and my younger brother. Just thinking about them gets me wound up so tight.
My old GP actually suggested dad was most likely a sociopath or narcissist after having to deal with 6 members of my family whose immediate problems stemmed from him.
Thankfully I haven't seen or spoken to my father for over 7 years however younger brother keeps giving him my new addresses and phone numbers (i know its him as out of all of us he's the only one who still talks to him)
So he still sends me birthday and Christmas cards. I have no idea how to describe what I feel when i get a card with his handwriting.

[Angel of Bedlam]

Eeek. I had to stay all night in the mental health ward here in town after a self-harm incident and it was probably one of the worst experiences of my life. The nurses were horrible to me, told me that I needed to get my s*** together because I live with my mom at 24 (mind you it's the first time I've lived at home since 17) and they left me in triage overnight. I asked for a nicotine patch which I was promised and never got and they ignored me the whole night. Nurses can suck so hard.

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[technigal]

Originally Posted by Angel of Bedlam

Eeek. I had to stay all night in the mental health ward here in town after a self-harm incident and it was probably one of the worst experiences of my life. The nurses were horrible to me, told me that I needed to get my s*** together because I live with my mom at 24 (mind you it's the first time I've lived at home since 17) and they left me in triage overnight. I asked for a nicotine patch which I was promised and never got and they ignored me the whole night. Nurses can suck so hard.

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Wow, I was in for 12 days and my nurses were great. Sorry you had such a bad experience.

[technigal]

Originally Posted by Angel of Bedlam

She just sounds evil. I'm so sorry you have to deal with her.

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I think she's evil.