[MoxieDoxie]

10 Reasons You Can’t Communicate with a Narcissistic or Borderline Woman | A Shrink for Men

[technigal]

This is the kind of stuff my husband was talking about. Nothing on how to be supportive but lots of negativity.

[atomicc]

I don't think I'm like that...but my boyfriend may say different. I feel like I'm just a big pushover. I do play the victim a lot though.
This article is AWFULLY one sided and kind of hurtful.

[learningtolive2013]

HORRIBLE article that i find very offensive and hurtful.

If you scroll and read the comments they are even more insulting and bashing.. This obviously was written and commented on by people who are jaded and have no understanding of our "disorder"..

Quote from comment section from the author:
NPD and BPD aren’t illnesses like diabetes or cancer. They’re not even illnesses like depression or schizophrenia.
Women with these issues are often malicious and purposefully so.

[Trippin2.0]

I can't honestly say I do none of those things, but I honestly never consciously do any of them. Definitely zero understanding about bpd, just a bunch of people playing victim and indulging in hate speech and fear mongering.

Zero grasp of the disorder, like I don't change the topic because I'm losing an argument and know I'm being nonsensical. Something you said triggered an entirely different issue (eg being invalidated) and now this is a problem for me too as well as whatever the hell started the intial argument...

Pffft I don't take offense, I have enough real problems as is.

[Fuzzybear]

[poptart316]

This article is painting people with BPD to be totally bat **** insane and irrational all the time. I'm actually a pretty reasonable person most of the time and can communicate with people just fine. I have abandonment issues and low self-esteem which can cloud my judgement at times.. but I'm always aware that it's just the BPD talking and can re-calibrate my thoughts so as to see things more clearly. This article is stupid.

[bataviabard]

Sadly I have experienced every single one of these on the receiving end intermittently for five years after my spouse's (now separated) meds were changed. I know she is ill and not at fault. But like alcoholism, her MI tells her that she is OK, that I'm the one who is sick and not loving and understanding enough. Wish I could have found the converse to this article, i.e. what a spouse/SO should do when there is projecting, splitting, cutting, flash backs, recklessness, impulsiveness, rage, ad hom attacks, idealization, etc... it is so very very hard to witness and to experience acts of love, kindness, and understanding get so utterly and totally confused or twisted, forgotten or ignored like they never happened.

[allme]

My husband has told me many times I do these things....I have known for a while how abusive I am towards him and how he is a victim of my outrageous behaviour. This article really hit home and as much as I want to lash out and call it bs....it isn't in my case. It's harsh but true.

[Fuzzybear]

I've experienced this too, on the receiving end

(not about anyone on pc)

Originally Posted by bataviabard

Sadly I have experienced every single one of these on the receiving end intermittently for five years after my spouse's (now separated) meds were changed. I know she is ill and not at fault. But like alcoholism, her MI tells her that she is OK, that I'm the one who is sick and not loving and understanding enough. Wish I could have found the converse to this article, i.e. what a spouse/SO should do when there is projecting, splitting, cutting, flash backs, recklessness, impulsiveness, rage, ad hom attacks, idealization, etc... it is so very very hard to witness and to experience acts of love, kindness, and understanding get so utterly and totally confused or twisted, forgotten or ignored like they never happened.

[ganbatte]

I don't get why this had to be written specifically about a woman. My SO does all of these things and he's a MAN. I am thankful he is getting help and was able to see himself in the information I gave him. Reading these boards helps me see things from his side. Thank you all for sharing.

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"When you present facts that contradict her beliefs, she bamboozles you by going on off-topic tangents,"

~ummm this is not a BPD thing, it's something that many women do and not isolated to women either, many PEOPLE do this. WTF?

When you try to explain your feelings or point of view, this kind of woman may explicitly tell you to, “Shut up!” Narcissists, borderlines and bullies not only “can’t handle the truth,” they go to great lengths to deny and obliterate it.

I'm sorry but first off the friggin fact that it equates NPD or BPD with bullies is off putting. for one thing I am far from being any sort of bully and in fact, have been rather acommodating at the expense of myself and very submissive. Being argumentative because one does not want to admit something is not even a "BPD trait" it's a human one.

Your wife or girlfriend probably uses other tactics when you challenge her like walking out of the room, giving you the silent treatment or simply refusing to listen to you. In both cases, this is the adult control freak’s version of, “La, la, la, la, la, I can’t hear you! I can’t hear you!” They believe if they ignore or stop you from speaking the truth that it doesn’t exist like a small child who closes their eyes to “make you go away.”

Funny, I was the BPD in my most recent relationship and you know what? I was not the one to walk away nor give the silent treatment. ever. And the fact that so far it singularly points to women as bpd as if men don't even come into play bothers me.

3. Name-Calling. This is the last resort of bullies...

ok I'll stop the quote right there. once again as if bpd people are bullies. In so many cases we're the bullied ones. At least in my case it's true. Funny thing is also, this is another huge generalization. Plenty of people do stupid things like name-calling and in no way does it define a BPD person or even a bully for that matter. That's hilarious. People in all roles do this at times. I definitely am not the only one in the fights I've had that called someone a blankety blank. on the other hand I've been called everything from a "little man" (belittling me purposely) to complete "***" more times than I can count. And she is not BPD diagnosed either.

I'm not quoting anymore this is clearly a bullsh__ article. Thing is if as I read more it's funny, most of it is things that my ex did quite a bit of.

[Angel of Bedlam]

One of the things DBT stresses is letting go of judgements, I think whoever wrote this needs to work on that. So unfair.

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Originally Posted by Angel of Bedlam

One of the things DBT stresses is letting go of judgements, I think whoever wrote this needs to work on that. So unfair.

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I was thinking how judgemental it was and it was kind of funny to read about name-calling as such a terrible thing while continuing to call bpd/npd people bullies and then further equating that listening to and letting such a person is like letting the "asylum" control the situation.. thus saying we are also insane. SMFH.

[Fuzzybear]

I couldn't resist. I had to comment.

This is friggin hilarious. As a divorced male, I can say that 90% of the crap that was listed as things a bpd woman will do are exactly what my ex did. Know what’s funny? #1 I’m male. #2 I’m the one Dx’d with BPD. yes those things, I’m sure some bpd women/men/people do in fights, and relationships but the fact of the matter is none of it defines bpd or is typical of it. On top of that plenty of just toxic people that aren’t necessarily bpd do these things. My ex is Bipolar and ADHD. Hmmm maybe all BP/ADHD women do this? Talk about some serious misunderstanding of a disorder, not to mention a very misleading article.

More specifically what i have a problem with – BPD people aren’t typically bullies. In fact in my case i was the submissive/acommodating one and she didn’t even leave because I’m so terrible, she did it to play the field. I was never the one to leave the room, and/or give the silent treatment. She was. I always wanted to finish what was started.
Name calling? Seriously? Come on, can you really blame a disorder of any kind for heated statements right up to name calling? I’m not completely guilt free but I pose to each and every one of you. Please. cast the first stone.

The use of the word asylum, bully and other things on this article begs the question, who are you to say anything about name calling anyway when you’re equating people with bpd as bullies and basically “insane”? Seriously not an objective article whatsoever.
Sounds a bit jaded to me. Feel free to flame me now but know what the hell you’re talking about if you do. Thanks.

While some of those things might apply to some of us at times, (such as playing the victim), I feel that article is a bit offensive and trigger.

[hawaii04]

The article is interesting and some of which is true, some not so true. Yea, I love the HELL my BPD gives me/my life . . . . jeez people.

[hawaii04]

Originally Posted by hawaii04

The article is interesting and some of which is true, some not so true. Yea, I love the HELL my BPD gives me/my life . . . . jeez people.

It just seems to me that the article in the way in which it is written makes it sound like this is some sort of enjoyed entertainment by those of us who have BPD.