[MissingMe]

i don't know what is wrong with me... first thought depression... then bipolar... then borderline personality. i think the borderline personality "fits"... not that it matters. i am lost. done. i stopped all treatment 4-6 weeks ago (i don't even know how long it has been). really not any worse. until now. i am spiraling. fast. i feel myself getting back to that really bad dark place and it scares me. but i don't know what to do. i don't have time for doctor's appointments or therapy... i work a very demanding full time job outside of my "mom" and "wife" jobs... i don't work enough hours as it is... so taking off more for appointments is out of the question. i sent my husband a text this morning... when i was totally losing it... "i am falling apart... i can't live like this"... and his response was "What now"... am i wrong to be crushed by such an answer? my daughter (6) wonders why i am always crying... it's not fair... i know i am messing her up... i am stuck with no options... nobody can help me... i just want somebody to care... and maybe even understand...

[technigal]

First thing

You say that you stopped all treatment. What treatment were you doing? Were you in therapy? Medication?

There have been too many times to count that I have stopped taking my medications without my doctor's consent, each time I have spiraled down faster and deeper.

You have to make time for yourself to get better. I know it is hard, I have an 8 year old and a husband. Up until 2 months ago I was working full-time as well. I was leaving for work at 6:30 and finally going to bed at midnight. Little sleep, huge amounts of stress and spiraling depression caused my issues to get to a breaking point. Twelve days in the hospital forced me to get treatment.

[sheiba]

I understand....and your husbands answer would make me feel even worse ,,, I dont think they understand how phrases can be so devastating to us....we already feel so bad about not being well but throw the comments in there and its awful.. its hard enough to have kids work and everything else we do as mom and wife, BUT you really need to take time for yourself just get in the car and get a pedicure take a yoga class anything to get away a relax, My T has evening apts maybe one in your area can accomodate your schedule, coming off meds can really throw you for a loop but i really think you need to look for another T and try to get back on track so you feel in control so sorry your heart is broken .. be well we are here for you

[Alokin]

I am sooooo sorry you are struggling, I understand and I have been there. I also cannot do the therapy I need. I do make the decision to take care of myself. You have to find what works for you.

I love DBT. When my group ended I bought the DBT Skills Workbook. So much great stuff to learn. You can post threads on this forum as you go along and we can work through some of the things in it together (kind of like group). I may start doing that, get some positivity and constructive work done around here.

Another thing you can do is set aside 10-60 min or so of you time. Do something that is self soothing, takes your mind off of the bad things in your life, just relax. I like to get outdoors and run with my dog, no music. I love the solitude, it's just me and the road. You need to find your little space.

My husband definitely has struggled with me and I used to get the same type of responses. I don't know what your family life is like, but when we both quit drinking and changed occupations in addition to me focusing on my coping skills, things changed. I was using skills to help myself. He became more interested in my illness due to more positivity. He has become understanding and is actually helping me work through things.

It can be done. I know you can do it as well.

Just a FEW of my suggestions. Trust me, if you read the book you will see that I am plagerizing. These are things I put in my tool box, you should build one for yourself and your family.

[Aphrodites_Muse]

I think the idea of sharing DBT skills here is a great idea!