[Castleatduino]

My god the effort of starting a thread is damn near excruciating. How can I be sure that it is of any value at all? I am embarassed by every word I write. Language seems completely insufficient for the general tumultuousness of this condition.

I am new to here as of this evening and excited to talk to fellow BPD sufferers (and others too), so if I end up rambling in long, tangental passages that are impenetrably obtuse, please tell me that I'm becoming incommunicable and I'll remember to keep myself in check...

An issue I was weighing up recently was the pursuit of diagnosis...those of you who have been diagnosed - what has been your experience of life post-diagnosis as opposed to pre-?

I first researched BPD about 6 months ago and everything suddenly clicked - it was like the symptomatology actually defined me...almost to the extent where I feel like I would totally cease to exist were it not for this affliction. I have sought mental health care which has been inadequate so far to say the least (rather for the lack of specificity than anything else...I was allowed only basic counselling, CBT, or alcohol support from my local council), but I am keen for more help. Am I striving needlessly for something which will always fall short of my expectations, or is it worth the pursuit if only for the finality of 'knowing for sure' (to whatever extent one can)?

Any input would be so gratefully received, and many apologies if I am coming across as woefully self-indulgent. It is impossible to talk to strangers! Friends also though.

[Truth in Ruin]

Hello, and welcome to PC. I'm sure you've heard of DBT, yes? If not, I'd check it out. It's very helpful. Thank you for your post!

[beloiseau]

Originally Posted by Castleatduino

My god the effort of starting a thread is damn near excruciating. How can I be sure that it is of any value at all? I am embarassed by every word I write. Language seems completely insufficient for the general tumultuousness of this condition.

I am new to here as of this evening and excited to talk to fellow BPD sufferers (and others too), so if I end up rambling in long, tangental passages that are impenetrably obtuse, please tell me that I'm becoming incommunicable and I'll remember to keep myself in check...

An issue I was weighing up recently was the pursuit of diagnosis...those of you who have been diagnosed - what has been your experience of life post-diagnosis as opposed to pre-?

I first researched BPD about 6 months ago and everything suddenly clicked - it was like the symptomatology actually defined me...almost to the extent where I feel like I would totally cease to exist were it not for this affliction. I have sought mental health care which has been inadequate so far to say the least (rather for the lack of specificity than anything else...I was allowed only basic counselling, CBT, or alcohol support from my local council), but I am keen for more help. Am I striving needlessly for something which will always fall short of my expectations, or is it worth the pursuit if only for the finality of 'knowing for sure' (to whatever extent one can)?

Any input would be so gratefully received, and many apologies if I am coming across as woefully self-indulgent. It is impossible to talk to strangers! Friends also though.

You are not alone...I am currently in the process of a BPD diagnosis, and I am completely anxious over it. Is my self-assessment right? Will the psychiatrist understand? I read about it and the description of feelings that people with BPD feel is exactly how I feel.

I think having a diagnosis can help open the door to better treatment, especially because your healthcare providers will know and be able to refer you. I've got my second day of DBT tomorrow...they have already started treatment without diagnosis I guess.

Just know that you are not alone while you are here! It is a great place for information.

[technigal]

Welcome to the insanity. I was just diagnosed in September but in reality I had a psychiatrist mention it 7 years ago. Four years ago I had another psychiatrist mention DBT but never put the referral in. I have no idea if he suspected BPD or not, he never said.

I think having the diagnosis was kind of a light bulb moment for me. It all started to make sense to me, how I act and feel. So for me the diagnosis has been helpful. I am not sure about England but in Canada without the diagnosis it is harder to get any sort of treatment that is covered by our medical system.

[Maranara]

I was officially diagnosed in January but diagnosed myself almost a year prior. Like you, I've had very little counseling at this point. Finances and life in general keeps preventing me.

Read all you can about BPD. Read posts and talk to us. Realize you are not alone. That in itself goes a very long way. There is nothing worse than to feel you are alone in your tumult of feelings and that is no longer true. Also, the better you know BPD and yourself and various treatments, the better you will be. There is no cure, but knowing yourself and BPD and your past and how it all fits together as well as feeling part of a community that understands is a good start and goes a long way. It's why most of us are here. We are a very dysfunctional yet loving, understanding family. Welcome.

[greentires4me]

post -diagnosis: on disability collecting from the Ministry of Housing and Social Development through the provincial government. Now looking for a part time job.

Pre-diagnosis: Holding down a full time job but went on leave simply after I broke my nose on the bathroom door at work which lead to diagnosis further down the way.

[MoxieDoxie]

I am 46 and lived with BPD all my life and never knew it. I knew something was so wrong and broken with me and I was very different.

[Maranara]

Originally Posted by MoxieDoxie

I am 46 and lived with BPD all my life and never knew it. I knew something was so wrong and broken with me and I was very different.

I am 47....didn't know until last year....

[atomicc]

Hello and welcome to the forum I think you should definitely consider DBT or another type of therapy because there is no reason to think you cease to exist without your diagnosis.
I don't think much as changed for me before or after diagnosis, though having a bachelors in psych I've known for over four years without a actual diagnosis. I think now I am more aware of my emotions and am better able to control them because I realize they are a symptom.
I am not defined by my BPD, but it is important to understanding who I am.

[Castleatduino]

Thank you so much for all your wonderful replies! This is the first time I've knowingly spoken to other sufferers and I can't tell you how exhilarated I feel to read about your similar experiences and feel something closer to understood. As a result of reading your messages on the train this morning I was in a great mood when I got to work...unfortunately it was rapidly supplanted by uncontrollable vitriol towards my colleagues and later floods of tears (why is crying so shameful? I think it is the most natural thing in the world, I am just so embarrassed because other people would be embarrassed for me and I don't want that!).

beloiseau - Thanks very much for your kind words. I'd be really interested to hear about your exploration of DBT as you progress through it, if you are happy to share here or in chat or private messages or whatever exists here (I'm yet to explore the site properly!)

technigal - Definitely experienced that lightbulb moment too, it's nice to know the self-realisation is sometimes just as shocking for other people. I'm curious - in Canada does your medical system offer proper diagnosis free of charge? Everyone raves about the NHS in Britain (and rightly so...wow, I probably would not be alive without it), but unfortunately I've increasingly found it to be very deficient in terms of mental health. I've certainly no affordable option open when it comes to being diagnosed and even if I were, there would be no treatment I could get for free, or even for cheap. If Canada can offer proper healthcare following a diagnosis then that is amazing!

I'm 25 and I feel lucky to have stumbled upon this information...

So tired. I'd respond so much more extensively but today has been so crushing and I have to get up at 4am for something which requires socialising with strangers. I will scare them all away!

I hope everyone is feeling oooookay today. This is needlessly long.

[Side of the Angels]

Originally Posted by Castleatduino

Language seems completely insufficient for the general tumultuousness of this condition.


An issue I was weighing up recently was the pursuit of diagnosis...those of you who have been diagnosed - what has been your experience of life post-diagnosis as opposed to pre-?

it was like the symptomatology actually defined me...almost to the extent where I feel like I would totally cease to exist were it not for this affliction.

Any input would be so gratefully received, and many apologies if I am coming across as woefully self-indulgent. It is impossible to talk to strangers! Friends also though.

Hi. I was diagnosed a week ago. I have never been more thrilled as well as frightened in one feeling. Well, a similar feeling when I got married... but anyway... b4 the diagnosis, I assumed a lot of my behavior was the bipolar II... and the other strange stuff that could not be explained was just that I was weird, like really unusual, strange, not like anyone else... I wanted an explanation but didn't know anyone like me. The extended and multiple identities, the rage, paranoia, fear, obsessions... as I read up on this illness, so MUCH of my life makes complete sense! The loss of jobs, the seeking out new relationships b4 i end one, the clingyness, the love hate... I am not weird! We are all like this to some extent, and THERE IS A SOLUTION! There is a treatment, there is a cure, there is a way to get better and I thank GOD... so much relief. If I do the things I am supposed to do, I will get better... I hope u find one too.

[beloiseau]

Originally Posted by Castleatduino

beloiseau - Thanks very much for your kind words. I'd be really interested to hear about your exploration of DBT as you progress through it, if you are happy to share here or in chat or private messages or whatever exists here (I'm yet to explore the site properly!)

I would love to! I do know there are skills workbooks available as well if you're not able to find a DBT group.

[technigal]

Originally Posted by Castleatduino

technigal - Definitely experienced that lightbulb moment too, it's nice to know the self-realisation is sometimes just as shocking for other people. I'm curious - in Canada does your medical system offer proper diagnosis free of charge? Everyone raves about the NHS in Britain (and rightly so...wow, I probably would not be alive without it), but unfortunately I've increasingly found it to be very deficient in terms of mental health. I've certainly no affordable option open when it comes to being diagnosed and even if I were, there would be no treatment I could get for free, or even for cheap. If Canada can offer proper healthcare following a diagnosis then that is amazing!

Yes, my diagnosis and all treatment are covered under our provincial health plan. The only thing we pay for is my medication, and for that expense we are reimbursed 100% by insurance that my husband's employer pays for.

Mental healthcare in Canada could be a lot better, the wait times and availability of services vary between areas, I live in a major city and so there are many services but if you don't live in a big city your access is limited.

I have avoided some of the wait lists as my psychiatrist does not think I need the entire DBT program they offer just the Advanced Skills portion. The waiting list for DBT is one year long so I am lucky to be starting in January. Since my psychiatrist runs the program through the hospital I guess I will trust him. To see my therapist I waited a month but had another group of therapists who checked with me weekly (and I could call in) until I started with my therapist.

I have lots of British friends and I have to say I have heard the good, the bad and the ugly about NHS. I think our system works fairly well, just needs more money to fund the programs so there are less wait times.

I've have some very positive views on NHS mental health treatment, I've been in crisis care for the past 2years, I've had DBT and didn't get on with the therapist one bit, and it's put me off seeking any other therapists, but my NHS psychotherapist and crisis nurse are amazing! but I also have been told the cmht (community mental health teams) services can be a little bit of a lottery in some areas, not mine and hopefully not yours!

getting diagnosed was a big weight off my shoulders! even though it's a nearly unheard of illness to the masses in the UK (from what I've seen), I was able to kinda educate myself too on some of my problems and I've tried to educate those I work with and family members (who are, should I say very ignorant of mental health issues)

mmmmm, I think I kinda went on a bit of a ramble.... oh well.... if you find any of this a help, that's great and yer welcome, if not sorry for brambling on...

I feel more blessed to be Borderline, and never cursed!

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

First, welcome to PC.
When I was diagnosed I was only 20, and going through a lot. I went on a downward spiral for a while after, but in general the diagnosis has really helped me to change some things and has given me much insite.
Like you, I researched it and it fit me to a tee. I didn't need a doctor to tell me, but being told was validating.
Do you have insurance? I don't think you're over reaching by striving for more help. I am the same way. DBT is the best way to go. If you can't access a program right now, DBT Self Help is good.

[facingdemons]

I was diagnosed with BPD a few days ago... previously I had been diagnosed with bipolar, but have had a feeling that the diagnosis was incorrect. Like you, when I read the description of BPD, everything clicked. I fit every single criteria, and I honestly don't know how to exist without my symptoms... but I'm going to try.

For me, the diagnosis was important. I do a lot of research, and while I felt confident that I had BPD, it was important for me to hear someone tell me that knows more than I do. It was almost validating, to have a doctor say that there was a reason I acted the way I do. Plus, I really feel like I need the doctor to help me get started on therapy (specifically DBT), to find out if I can develop the skills I need to manage this disorder and not let it control my life.

Best of luck to you. I hope you find what you're looking for.