[Wingnut13]

Wondering if I should tell my family about my BPD? My sister and my mom both know about me having suicidal tendencies but so far the only person I have told about my BPD is my best friend. And she is now feeling overwhelmed by how emotional I am. So I am worried my family will feel the same way even though they love me.

[shezbut]

Imo, it depends upon the relationship-style that you have with your family and how open-minded they are.

If you're pretty close, and you all openly care about one another, go for it! If it's a rocky relationship and/or stressful, I'd advise you to seriously think about it first. Write up a chart of positives/negatives of telling and not telling. From there, you ought to know what you onestly feel the right thing for you to do is.

Very best wishes sent your way!

I think if it's essential for them to know by all means do it, otherwise keep it on a need to know basis I think.

[beloiseau]

I am having the same crisis. While I feel like it will help them understand me more, it definitely puts some of the blame on them. I have a hard enough time with guilt issues that I don't know if I can deal with admitting that they caused some of my mental health issues.

Have you tried making a pros and cons list? Sometimes that helps me make a decision.

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[Espresso]

I have only told my cousin, and that was because he is struggling with a lot of the same stuff as I am. Besides him, none of my friends or family know anything about my suicidal thoughts, bpd, etc.

[Wingnut13]

Originally Posted by beloiseau

I am having the same crisis. While I feel like it will help them understand me more, it definitely puts some of the blame on them. I have a hard enough time with guilt issues that I don't know if I can deal with admitting that they caused some of my mental health issues.

Have you tried making a pros and cons list? Sometimes that helps me make a decision.

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No I haven't made a list. I have the same feelings as you when it comes to thinking that it will help them understand me better. Also,I do not want to admit to my birth mother that my fear of abandonment and other issues come from being adopted. I took it very badly when I found out. I know she did what she thought was right when she gave me up. And I never would've met my wonderful wife,may she rest in peace,and had the kids and grandkids that I have if she had kept me. But I have never been able to stop thinking about what my life would've been like if she had kept me. Especially since being reunited with all of them. I love them all very much. But I can't seem to stop thinking "what if"? And I resent not knowing my sister all those years. Me and my sis have become very close. They know I am seeing a therapist and i told them she has made a diagnosis but did not tell them what it is. My feeling is that my birth family would be ok with me telling them I am BPD and they would help me as much as they could. I think they would stand by my side and support me. My adoptive family is different though. Although I was raised in a good home,it was also a home where the men did not show emotion. If there was something wrong with you you kept it hidden. If you cried in front of everyone you were looked down upon. Men were not suppose to be sensitive. This made it very difficult for me,especially when it came to relationships with women. So I am thinking that NOT telling them would be the way to go. In fact I have not even told them I am seeing a therapist.

[Wingnut13]

Originally Posted by Espresso

I have only told my cousin, and that was because he is struggling with a lot of the same stuff as I am. Besides him, none of my friends or family know anything about my suicidal thoughts, bpd, etc.

My birth family knows of my suicidal thoughts and that I almost did it. They also know I see a therapist. But I did not tell them about my bpd. I have only told my best friend. And I only told her because she was the one I told when I was going to end my life. She was there for me and helped me make it through. But she was getting overwhelmed by my suicidal thoughts so I thought I should tell her so she could understand why i am the way I am. Told her to do some reading about bpd so she could see where I am coming from. She is still my best friend and very supportive of me.

[beloiseau]

Originally Posted by Wingnut13

No I haven't made a list. I have the same feelings as you when it comes to thinking that it will help them understand me better. Also,I do not want to admit to my birth mother that my fear of abandonment and other issues come from being adopted. I took it very badly when I found out. I know she did what she thought was right when she gave me up. And I never would've met my wonderful wife,may she rest in peace,and had the kids and grandkids that I have if she had kept me. But I have never been able to stop thinking about what my life would've been like if she had kept me. Especially since being reunited with all of them. I love them all very much. But I can't seem to stop thinking "what if"? And I resent not knowing my sister all those years. Me and my sis have become very close. They know I am seeing a therapist and i told them she has made a diagnosis but did not tell them what it is. My feeling is that my birth family would be ok with me telling them I am BPD and they would help me as much as they could. I think they would stand by my side and support me. My adoptive family is different though. Although I was raised in a good home,it was also a home where the men did not show emotion. If there was something wrong with you you kept it hidden. If you cried in front of everyone you were looked down upon. Men were not suppose to be sensitive. This made it very difficult for me,especially when it came to relationships with women. So I am thinking that NOT telling them would be the way to go. In fact I have not even told them I am seeing a therapist.

I think if you think that telling your birth family would help them support you better, then that is definitely the way to go.

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[growlithing]

My birth family doesn't need to know about my diagnosis or my behaviors or my feelings considering that it is their fault I developed it in the first place. They know a very little bit about my situation because someone else told them and they have been treating me like I'm crazy ever since. I don't care though because I'm not the one who is crazy and I hate them.

My close friends that I know would put in the time to learn what BPD is beyond just the stereotypes know. The others don't need to know because the majority of my symptoms typically only show up in a therapeutic relationship, the self harm is under control, and my suicidal thoughts are disturbing to people who have never experienced them. I'm not going to act on them so I'm not going to burden them with worrying about it.

[technigal]

Originally Posted by Wingnut13

. Also,I do not want to admit to my birth mother that my fear of abandonment and other issues come from being adopted. I took it very badly when I found out.

I can understand this. My birth mother is now deceased and I no longer have contact with my biological siblings. My situation was different then your though, I was apprehended at birth and in and out of foster care, my adoption was finalized when I was 5.5 years old. I had memories of my birth mom (all the memories is about the abuse she inflicted on me) and siblings. My birth mom's death was very hard on me, it came almost exactly 6 months after my mom's death. That was the start of my latest bout of deep depression.

In your situation with having your birth family be supportive of you I would probably tell. My parents are deceased but my siblings know of my diagnosis, not sure if they know what BPD is.

[Wingnut13]

Originally Posted by technigal

I can understand this. My birth mother is now deceased and I no longer have contact with my biological siblings. My situation was different then your though, I was apprehended at birth and in and out of foster care, my adoption was finalized when I was 5.5 years old. I had memories of my birth mom (all the memories is about the abuse she inflicted on me) and siblings. My birth mom's death was very hard on me, it came almost exactly 6 months after my mom's death. That was the start of my latest bout of deep depression.

In your situation with having your birth family be supportive of you I would probably tell. My parents are deceased but my siblings know of my diagnosis, not sure if they know what BPD is.

Thank you. I think I will talk with my bio sis and mom first. Gonna think about how I wanna tell them and probably do it after the first of the year. My nephews ex(who he is back together with) is bipolar and they are understanding and supportive of her. Think I will print some things out so they can read through the stuff when I tell them.
Don't think I will tell my adoptive family though. Not sure they will understand and I am worried if I tell them they will tell other people.

[Gingersnapsmom]

I am very upset with myself tonight. I had to work on Christmas (in a hospital) and just got home. After work I was talking to one of my supervisors (she has depression and problems that she sees a therapist about) and we started talking like friends and I told her I had BPD!!! She didn't know what that was and kept asking me questions about it. She thought it was having more than one personality. UGH. I wish I could go back in time. I say when in doubt...don't tell.

In my case, I knew my family was burned out by me and my behavior long before my BPD diagnosis came to light. If anything they're probably more understanding due to the fact that they know, but still... BPD tends to burn out those close to us sometimes and I fear that's just the nature of the sickness. but that doesn't mean your besty or your family don't care about you.

Originally Posted by Wingnut13

Wondering if I should tell my family about my BPD? My sister and my mom both know about me having suicidal tendencies but so far the only person I have told about my BPD is my best friend. And she is now feeling overwhelmed by how emotional I am. So I am worried my family will feel the same way even though they love me.

#1 rule in my book: don't tell anyone you don't trust your secrets with. It is not necessary for them to know unless they are very close to you and on top of that you trust them with your deepest secrets. Doesn't matter who they are, family or friend. NO one has the right to know this about you at all unless you give it to them, so choose wisely.

[Starling.]

I agree that it depends on your relationship with them. If you feel it would help them to understand, and that they'd be supportive, then I think it can be helpful. It sounds like you've decided to tell some of them, so I really hope that it goes well and you find it a positive thing.

I don't think it's always necessary though. The couple of people I have told have just been confused by it, and although I have good relationships with my friends and most of them know I've had "issues" in the past, I don't really feel the need to discuss my mental health with them and I think they would also be confused if I told them about it. I'm okay with that, I don't feel that I need anything from them that I don't already have, or that any of us would gain anything from me telling them about my diagnosis.

[facingdemons]

I was just recently diagnosed, and I told a few people. I told some of my family (my mom, aunt, and grandmother), my ex-husband, and my boyfriend.

I told my family because they were aware of my previous diagnosis of Bipolar, and then know how much I've been struggling. I felt like it would help them understand. They reacted well, and have been supportive, even though I know they are concerned about the implications of the diagnosis.

I told my ex-husband because we were married for 7.5 years and he went through hell and back with me before he finally gave up. We still have a lot of contact and a fairly good relationship. I felt like he had a right to know what I had found out. I wanted him to know why I had done some of the things I'd done. He was very overwhelmed by the diagnosis and we haven't really talked about it. I think it was too much for him, after everything we'd been through.

And I told my boyfriend (of 6 months). He was also aware of my previous diagnosis of bipolar. He listened to me ramble about it all for awhile, and I told him I understood if it was too much, if I was too difficult. He told me that the diagnosis changed nothing. He said, "you're still the same person you were before the diagnosis, you just have a different label." He doesn't have much experience with mental health issues, but he's trying.

I don't have plans to tell anyone else. It's not a pretty diagnosis. But, for me, it was important that the people close to me knew what I was battling.

[beautyandbeast5]

Originally Posted by Wingnut13

Wondering if I should tell my family about my BPD? My sister and my mom both know about me having suicidal tendencies but so far the only person I have told about my BPD is my best friend. And she is now feeling overwhelmed by how emotional I am. So I am worried my family will feel the same way even though they love me.

I tried to tell my little brother. Don't know of he was in a bad mood or what but he told me to go kill myself and marched off. I didn't try again.

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[Wingnut13]

Originally Posted by beautyandbeast5

I tried to tell my little brother. Don't know of he was in a bad mood or what but he told me to go kill myself and marched off. I didn't try again.

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Wow,that was not what you want/need when you tell somebody. Especially a family member. Even if he was in a bad mood that was still very mean of him to say that. Obviously he does not know we already have those thoughts and him saying that makes things worse.
I tried telling my bio mom a couple nights ago. Took her to dinner and told her about some of my symptoms,like just how seriously close I was to pulling the trigger. And how terrified I am of losing my family if I reveal what I have. We talked for a long time but I just couldn't bring myself to say I have bpd. So now she is trying to guess what is wrong with me. I'm gonna try again in a couple days,when my big sis can be there too. I really need and want their support.

[Truth in Ruin]

Originally Posted by Spockette

I think if it's essential for them to know by all means do it, otherwise keep it on a need to know basis I think.

...Agreed

[hawaii04]

We never know what is going to come of telling another; even when you think it may help or a certain particular person will be accepting and vise versa. I think others at times do need to know, primarily people closer to us ~ I think they have a right to know as it does effect our relationships and can create some understanding. For myself, I don't want anybody to know and this is tough for me to do, especially with my b/f's friends who are great people. I need to take my own suggestion though and muster up the courage and try not to feel as though it's embarrassing to my boyfriend to have a girlfriend who is BPD. He suggested it though and I agree, it's just a matter of doing so. I guess as long as the whole world doesn't know . . . though it feels like it anyway.

[lynn808]

Originally Posted by hawaii04

We never know what is going to come of telling another; even when you think it may help or a certain particular person will be accepting and vise versa. I think others at times do need to know, primarily people closer to us ~ I think they have a right to know as it does effect our relationships and can create some understanding. For myself, I don't want anybody to know and this is tough for me to do, especially with my b/f's friends who are great people. I need to take my own suggestion though and muster up the courage and try not to feel as though it's embarrassing to my boyfriend to have a girlfriend who is BPD. He suggested it though and I agree, it's just a matter of doing so. I guess as long as the whole world doesn't know . . . though it feels like it anyway.

I understand exactly how you feel and the confusion as to whether to open yourself up to others, trusting they will not take this info and hurt us.... Only you know how much trust is between you and the unknowing and if you can let down your guard.... Good luck!!! Take care .

[henrydavidtherobot]

If you're doing suicidal stuff, then I think it is imperative that you tell them. It's important for them to understand your illness in order to try to help you.

[Wingnut13]

Originally Posted by henrydavidtherobot

If you're doing suicidal stuff, then I think it is imperative that you tell them. It's important for them to understand your illness in order to try to help you.

I am doing suicidal stuff and s.i. and other very risky behavior(like russian roulette). I have told my bio mom and sis about being suicidal and just a couple days ago i told my mom just how close I came to doing it. I plan on having a private talk with the two of them and coming out of the bpd closet. I know I need their support and help. Hopefully they can handle it. I have already put them down on a list that my T can call if she thinks she needs to talk to them.

[shezbut]

If they can handle your recent suicidal ideology and frequent attempts, then I do think that they will be open to understanding why this is happening & of course, they'll want to know what they can do to help improve your life. (And keep you safe)

Try not to worry too much. There are treatment styles that help make our world more acceptable, as we learn to recognize our thoughts as just that: thoughts. Check out the following site ~ it really has a lot of helpful techniques to get us through our rough moments.

DBT Self Help