[atomicc]

Since graduating college I've been feeling that chronic boredom. It's probably one of the worst things about BPD for me. I can't find anything that makes me happy so I'm stuck in this perpetual emptiness that leaves me staring at a wall. I'm trying all sorts of different outlets and hobbies to try and find something to occupy my time, but this thing is. I'M BAD AT EVERYTHING. I have no talent. I can't paint, I can't write, I can't create anything. I suck at video games, I can't concentrate long enough to read. Nothing makes me happy and it's driving me crazy. I just wish I could find something that's me...that I can do...that I'm good at. I can't define myself at all.

[Starling.]

I'm sorry you're feeling this way. I don't really know what to suggest I'm afraid, but just wanted to say that some of the things I enjoy I am hopeless at, it doesn't stop me enjoying them though!

It is great that you're trying to find things to occupy yourself with. Is there anything that you would *like* to be good at, even if you don't feel you are? If so then maybe just go with it.. teach yourself, find some online tutorials, even register for a class or club. Is there anything you've found enjoyment in in the past?

Good luck, I hope you can find something you do enjoy

you DO have talents. We have all witnessed one of your talents. You CARE.

Your caring personality comes through often (on this website). You do have talents. And not every one does. You have a gift from God.

[Fuzzybear]

Some of the things I enjoy I'm kinda hopeless at as well, but it does make it even harder to motivate self if the learning isn't as easy and smooth as we think it "should" be. I hope you find some things to do that give you joy

[atomicc]

Originally Posted by Starling.

I'm sorry you're feeling this way. I don't really know what to suggest I'm afraid, but just wanted to say that some of the things I enjoy I am hopeless at, it doesn't stop me enjoying them though!

It is great that you're trying to find things to occupy yourself with. Is there anything that you would *like* to be good at, even if you don't feel you are? If so then maybe just go with it.. teach yourself, find some online tutorials, even register for a class or club. Is there anything you've found enjoyment in in the past?

Good luck, I hope you can find something you do enjoy

I enjoy painting and drawing actually, I'm just pretty bad at it. I've been looking at some water color tutorials because I want to be better at it. :/ I just get discouraged when my work isn't very pretty.

and thank you so much, Useless Me That put a smile on my face.

[lynn808]

atomic,
sorry you feel this way....waiting is a very hard thing for us to do....you do have lots of talents. BPD makes it hard for us to enjoy or like the things we do...we become so critical of us all the time. I wish I could wave a wand and make it go away.... but I do agree you need to find a way to make it through...maybe an online class....or volunteer at a school for a bit!!! I read to little kids...it helps.....and the kids are just so cool...it helps me...hope you find a way out of this....you are so smart and talented...I just know you will!!!! take care now girl!!!

[cboxpalace]

I believe this is related to identity and a loss of self. I think if I could wave a magic wand and make you the best writer, painter etc in the world you'd still be left with emptiness and disappointment.

The real question is how do you fix what is internally missing?? I've yet to figure this out when it comes to my life.

Originally Posted by Useless Me

you DO have talents. We have all witnessed one of your talents. You CARE.

Your caring personality comes through often (on this website). You do have talents. And not every one does. You have a gift from God.

This is patronizing, and solves nothing, and my guess is she's aware of it.

If I had to be critical from a dbt perspective of the original posters post this..

I'M BAD AT EVERYTHING.

Should read ... "I'm bad at the things I want to be good at"

because you can paint, write etc but not in a way that lives up to your high standards and expectations. I know some people will say low your standards, don't put so much pressure on yourself etc but that will not solve the problem. It's a patronizing and very simplistic idea.

The person above said you're caring, which I'm sure you're aware of, but you still want more to fill in that emptiness.

Like I said you could become the best painter or writer in the world and my guess is you'll still be left feeling disappointed and letdown. It won't fix or cure the emptiness you'll just search out something else to try and fill that void.

I believe that you, and only you, have to figure how to fix what is missing/damaged within your being.

I live with the same problems you experience and I've yet figured out a way to overcome this. I hope that you can.

[lynn808]

Originally Posted by cboxpalace

I believe this is related to identity and a loss of self. I think if I could wave a magic wand and make you the best writer, painter etc in the world you'd still be left with emptiness and disappointment.

The real question is how do you fix what is internally missing?? I've yet to figure this out when it comes to my life.



This is patronizing, and solves nothing, and my guess is she's aware of it.

If I had to be critical from a dbt perspective of the original posters post this..


Should read ... "I'm bad at the things I want to be good at"

because you can paint, write etc but not in a way that lives up to your high standards and expectations. I know some people will say low your standards, don't put so much pressure on yourself etc but that will not solve the problem. It's a patronizing and very simplistic idea.

The person above said you're caring, which I'm sure you're aware of, but you still want more to fill in that emptiness.

Like I said you could become the best painter or writer in the world and my guess is you'll still be left feeling disappointed and letdown. It won't fix or cure the emptiness you'll just search out something else to try and fill that void.

I believe that you, and only you, have to figure how to fix what is missing/damaged within your being.

I live with the same problems you experience and I've yet figured out a way to overcome this. I hope that you can.

hey cbox....
I read that and am wondering about this emptiness and disappointment.

now I never looked at it that way.....I kinda looked at mine as failure and the damaged abused artistic genius mind.....never stopping....well throw in regret and later life abuse ..and...anyway...I digress. sorry....

I am working on the acceptance of me,..not being a failure or a disappointment. So I definitely relate to what you have to say....But am intrigued with the emptiness as you describe it. How do you change that feeling? its kinda different that the loneliness?? do you meditate for it?? I have been reading about that....
I think the mental health issues are so much harder to deal with than the physical health issues..... having my future back surgeries seeing all these specialists for the sciatic hip, at least 4 lumbar discs and the scoliosis (gee, hope I spelled all that right)....all the pain, all the pain pills, the p/t the brand new and obtuse back brace I try to walk around in...my god I feel about 100 years old-physically- the docs wave their hands and say I will be all better.......well....oh my god.....is that even possible??? then why cant a "p" doc help me like that?? ya know...in this day and age with all they can do....they still cant make it better for a mind disorder...not a disease they cure......
now I can go off on that tangent.....im working through whether this emptiness like an ocean---like a desert--like a big cavernous place.... the mind echoing during a migraine headache??? how do I look at this???
Sorry but now am questioning something differently here...hmmmmm
thanks for readin' my novellete....sorry to mind-wander on y'all today....

[lynn808]

[QUOTE=cboxpalace;3590007]I believe this is related to identity and a loss of self. I think if I could wave a magic wand and make you the best writer, painter etc in the world you'd still be left with emptiness and disappointment.

The real question is how do you fix what is internally missing?? I've yet to figure this out when it comes to my life.


someone just posted this....wow cbox...thanks for making me look!!!!

Out of the FOG - Feelings Of Emptiness

[atomicc]

I didn't find it patronizing at all.

[beloiseau]

I feel EXACTLY the same way. You are not alone in these feelings. It's so hard to keep trying to define ourselves by external factors, that's why we have to try to find contentment just with ourselves as we are at this moment. At least that's what mindfulness tries to teach

[cboxpalace]

Originally Posted by lynn808

hey cbox....
I read that and am wondering about this emptiness and disappointment.

now I never looked at it that way.....I kinda looked at mine as failure and the damaged abused artistic genius mind.....never stopping....well throw in regret and later life abuse ..and...anyway...I digress. sorry....

I am working on the acceptance of me,..not being a failure or a disappointment. So I definitely relate to what you have to say....But am intrigued with the emptiness as you describe it.

I don't think I really began to question my identity until AFTER I completed dbt. It gave me the skills to accomplish things that I wouldn't have even tried prior to dbt, however my accomplishments didn't complete, fulfill or make me feel better about myself. If anything they made me more confused and discouraged. I didn't hate that I had accomplished something, but at the same time I felt letdown. Accomplishing something was more of a logical realization and didn't change how I perceived myself or the emptiness I felt. It made me question if that emptiness could ever be replaced. I told my therapist last week I think I could become the greatest guitar player on earth tomorrow and I'd still be left with the feeling of "This is it!" I do nothing and I feel empty, I accomplish something and I still feel empty even though I know it's logical that I shouldn't.

How do you change that feeling? its kinda different that the loneliness?? do you meditate for it??

I don't know! I think we're all different and what didn't work for me may work for you. I guess my only real advice is would be to think of something you did accomplish and think about how it made you feel. Did you feel different? Did it change how you perceive yourself? Did you see it as Big deal?

And yes emptiness is different than lonliness

[cboxpalace]

You posted..

I just wish I could find something that's me...that I can do...that I'm good at. I can't define myself at all.

The response

you DO have talents. We have all witnessed one of your talents. You CARE.

Your caring personality comes through often (on this website). You do have talents. And not every one does. You have a gift from God.

You're defined! Or do you need more?

I'm a great dad. I do everything in my power so my kids won't grow up and turn out like me and be haunted by their childhood. I could die tomorrow and my kids would not doubt my love for them. I don't need people telling me I'm a great father, because I know it. Yet every time I ask questions similar to yours people are quick to say ur a great dad. No ****! Is there anything else I'm good at? Is there anything else that's good about me? I don't get too many quick replies to those questions, but hey I'm a great father. I guess I'm defined and my problems should be solved.

You write this...

I enjoy painting and drawing actually, I'm just pretty bad at it.

You say that you're bad, but what if me and everyone in the forum said your paintings were the best ever? would you believe us? would you be defined? would that be enough for you? Would you still feel the need for more?

I ask you this because often we think these external "things" are going to define us or make us more whole and they don't, and we're still left with a void.

You may want to try and find an online art community to share your work and get feedback. You mentioned writing, I write, and post a lot of my poetry on The World's Largest Poetry Site - Discussion & Poem Contests. Maybe you should consider using your drawings to accentuate what you write.

Originally Posted by cboxpalace

.... This is patronizing, and solves nothing, and my guess is she's aware of it.....

I was NOT patronizing. It was sincere. And YOU are rude.

[gayleggg]

I enjoy painting and drawing actually, I'm just pretty bad at it. I've been looking at some water color tutorials because I want to be better at it. :/ I just get discouraged when my work isn't very pretty.

I thought I couldn't do anything but always wanted to draw but didn't like what I drew. I took lessons and learned to paint pretty well. I now draw what is called Zentagles. You can search on the computer and find tutorials. And I will tell you drawing takes practice. It doesn't just appear, except with those rare people who are born to do it. Also, you might try coloring. They have books for adults, including mandelas which are supposed to be very relaxing.

[SeekerOfLife]

Someone once said, we are our own worst critic. Perhaps you could ask friends what your skills, talents, and abilities are. Take notes.

[bpdtransformation]

Atomic,
Do you have something you study or do for work? For me, working with and teaching children, which has become my full-time job, adds a lot of meaning to life.

Also, if you can find people you like who are true friends, it's much easier to get interested in things if you are doing it with them. I know that sounds easy but it's not. A few years ago, I used to go to art classes with a very fun teacher and that helped me get into it a lot.