I'm told I operate as two people.

What's coming out of my present relationships and must have been part of my past and it's ghosts is that I fit my person around the situation and don't seem to be just me? I thought this was normal, doesn't everyone have different approaches / personalities depending on what they are doing?

We are different at work than home, aren't we?

We can be honest on sites like this but careful at home? Or are most people one personality? Is it BPD?

I try to be open here and clearly want to talk, meet people ( little success at present) but that doesn't mean being different!

Paul.

Hi there. It depends how different you are. Just about everyone has different ways they behave in the different roles in their life. Maybe out spoken at home but quite at work, or anxious while driving but confident when cooking, that's normal range different.

But it sounds like your talking about two separate personality's that share the body and the relationships. Maybe one dose work and one dose home, which would feel like two different people, in one body, which is Disassociative Identity Disorder. Which is what Ive got. Maybe that's what your describing? If you think you can relate to this, then keep a diary and get both your parts to write in it. Figure out everything about them "like they were knew people that your meeting for the first time", Ask yourself lots of questions and write the answers down. If your D.I.D then this will really help. Its possible for two parts to exist but not be aware of each other, you might be one of those parts, Diary writing helps but if you think you might be D.I.D then you are going to need to find a good therapist so that your two parts can learn to work together and support each other. Hope this helps.

I guess I am always myself. At work or out and about. I have actually had to work to make myself this way. Mostly I can say it has made others ridicule me or pick on my traits but what matters most to me always is my heart. I want to be real so others can be real with me.

For example. I know many (especially guys) who pretend to just love football or fighting when they in fact do not but they pretend so they can make friends (fake friends) with others.

I am honest about it hoping to find others who can say "you know what, I don't like that stuff much myself."

I do this all the time. When I'm at my professional job during the day I dress and play the part of a professional business lady. That's not at all who I am. When I take my son to ball practice, I dress and play the part of soccer mom, but again that's not me. I bartend at night and have to put on my outgoing party girl face, which is not me. The problem that I have is that I don't know who I really am.

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Wow, thanks, yes helpful and a lot to research and think about. I'm grateful.

Thanks and I think you've hit the nail on the head with many of the people I have met through Rugby, work and friends. Sadly my approach is to be clear what I like, what frightens me and whether or not I like people. It hasn't made me popular and relationships are very difficult.

Paul

Exactly my point! It's a disaster for me at work and in relationships. Can't get the message across. Is it because we're professional? Bright people who care? Or the BPD taking over?

Paul

I'm definetly two if not more different person. At work I'm professional and if someone says hey how are you? I usually reply with I'm doing well when I really want to say I'm doing horribly. I'm depressed and having all these health problems and I cant get a grip on life. At home I'm either really depressed, angry, irritable, funny and nice.

Hi Paul! I think I have an idea what you're talking about, but it's not really a "work" me and a "home" me. Borderline can be thought of us a bit of a split personality disorder to some people. I can be a completely different person from one moment to the next and from one person to the next. Feel free to talk to me if you ever need to!

Same here and it's making life difficult with my partner. I need contact on this site and am horribly honest but she feels I'm not giving the who picture. It's difficult to rationalise that I need to contact people through this medium; she has a different style. Being one soul here and another at work, play and home is exhausting for everyone. Perhaps a reason why relationships have not lasted.

Paul

Hi Allie,

Again someone has hit the nail on the head and expressed things better than I can. The meds I'm on seem to be killing most of my feelings if I ever had any and I see the road ahead in a stark and organised way. I guess at the moment the people I am change from being frightened to angry to calm and rested almost at a whim. I'm quite confused at the moment. This is not helping with the relationship with my partner who frankly doesn't understand my need to talk with people here. I'm not in a good place at the moment after a few difficult days at home with Jo.

I appreciate the offer of chatting, thank you, are you sure? I'm not finding it at all easy knowing how to inter act or what to say.

Paul

i think we try to be all things to everybody, adapting to each situation as best we can. sure we are different around different people, but those different personas we take on from time to time aren't really us. but then what is, right? i think here on this forum we can be who we really are without fear of judgement or criticism. that's my take on it.

I totally agree, however that's not the take my partner has on this. It caused a difficult weekend.

As an aside, take a look at the vehicle in my photos, hope this will be my baby! Dogs not cats at the moment but strangely we come to this place after similar experiences of childhood.

Paul

I think there is a difference between multiple personalities, as in distinct separate individuals acting within one body and mind and different emotional behavioral personas, different facets of one person.

I think most of us will behave (have a different persona) at work vs. on a date, vs. with our therapist vs. with our families. At work one is professional, one doesn't show their emotions, or at least tries to suppress them, on a date one might be charming, inquisitive, happy, with our therapist we may feel safe enough to share most of our dark secrets, with our family we may love them, or stay away from them, etc.

When I go out to dinner by myself and I want a table vs a bar I joke with the hostess that I need a table for two, for me and my imaginary friend. This behavior is mostly for me because a part of me feels ashamed that I don't have anyone to go out to dinner and I'm afraid people will pity me. My imaginary friend is part of my behavior, part of my persona in situations where I don't feel confident enough to stand on my own two feet. I would never say she is a separate entity from me because she isn't.

Hope I made some sense.

Yep, of course you do as always. Did you find the other message today? I'll think on about this one. At this point are we both awake at the same time?

Paul

I used to believe this. I don't anymore. It's not a completely different personality but taht at least for myself it's all just behaviorally related. In different environments I may act one way vs another and in some ways to an outsider, it may be that it "looks" like multiple personality types but the truth is, it's all me. I am the same person, but one that tends to mold to situations more than other people do. This is not even a bad thing for me, anymore, because I've learned that what it is for me, if I embrace it, is flexibility in being able to be what I need to be for different situations. I'm not sure that it's necessarily a weakness as much as it is a trait of how I am. Basically as I believe very strongly about this, every trait of a personality whether tagged as a "disorder trait" or just simply personality -- has it's positive and negative sides. You can see yourself as lacking identity and now knowing "which" personality you are or you can accept that you are all of them, and each part is just that a portion of teh whole you. Just because they drastically contrast each other does not mean they are an entirely different personality.

That makes perfect sense. My issue is, I guess, that I have not yet accepted that the flexibility in response you talk about is acceptable within a work or personal relationship. I feel I have no value but some of my behaviours in certain circumstances are valued. So, I loathe Paul but within some environments Paul survives well. Over the years the constant criticism by parents, siblings, work mates and partners has left me with a cynical view of society and a heart like a swinging brick. Does any of that make sense? In short I feel there's a shell and someone looking out.

Thanks for taking the time to reply

Paul

I agree with what you say. However, I still feel there's a shell on my outside with another person looking out. I guess I have tried to be all things to all men for most of my life and to protect myself I have lived two or more lives each one separate from the other. Work, home and relationship. So my friend, how do I move forward? Therapy must be the answer, maybe? Having the time to relax and find who I am will be important???

We talked about history. Do you think that there will be value in my tracing my history and finding out more about my context?

Paul

Paul, search your history, if YOU feel it will help you at all.....
I did this extensive "study" of family and general health and found a lot of remaining cousins and siblings quite unwilling to discuss anything related to "mental health" although that was helpful to face that fact itself....
good luck
Jade

will do, it is strange, but the important thing is we are reaching out for help and support & this place works for me!

Feeling that my personality is somehow fragmented is one of the terrible effects of BPD I have endured for as long as I can remember.

Its not at all like having multiple personalities. Every personality that comes forward IS me, just different parts of me. At times in my life I will have a sudden realization that I have abruptly changed. Its almost impossible to describe.

A good example, after a long stretch of being completely totally dumpy, one day I walked into work like I had been on a makeover show. Perfect hair, makeup, outfit, bag.. The whole nine. I overhear a coworker say "She looks great!". I over hear a coworker who knew me for over a decade reply "Yeah, she does that sometimes."

It wasn't just that I wanted to spruce up and feel better. It was more like I slipped a new skin over my being. I was me, but I was foreign at the same time.

I have done this over and over in my lifetime. When things get really bad my work me/social me/family me and alone me don't match up whatsoever and all at the same time. Its a very unsettling experience.

When I was first diagnosed, my boyfriend asked me if I actually had multiple personalities. He had seen not only my daily shifts, but my long term identity changes.

I probably sound crazy. I dunno.

Hi thanks for the post it helps.

No, you don't sound crazy. I can see some of that in myself, sadly not with the dramatic change in clothes mine seems to be training and diet and obsession with a new project or person. Unsettled? Very.

Jobs have lasted only a few years and the cycle has been getting shorter, I've given up now. Relationships very difficult. My present partner is being the most supportive ever but even she is finding the BPD difficult. The last week has been tough.

Paul

I'm not sure I want to meet and greet but to look at where I come from and the people there. I know I'm Welsh, the first for generations not to be a coal miner and the family come from the Eastern Valleys of Wales. It's more to find the context of my life and therefore who I am.

Paul

I believe you are right about that. I need to be able to talk in this way and make new friends. I guess it's important for me to feel accepted in this community. Let's hope?

Paul