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  #276  
Old May 14, 2014, 01:38 PM
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trying2survive trying2survive is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Britneigh View Post
^^ I relate with that...tractor is currently broken...lawn mower won't start...gator is broken and making my life 10x harder. Everything is breaking...



Yesterday was alright. It started out feeling really overwhelmed and defeated; really didn't want to do anything. Got through the day and then decided to work with one of the younger horses. After fighting with her for 40 minutes to come inside (mind you I was literally knee deep in mud) I got mad and put her in the arena and came in and took a shower. I decided to push past my anger and go work with her anyway. It ended up being a really good training session and I got on her for the first time. It really kind of lifted my mood and made me feel better. So proud of her.
don't you hate when you get those days everything is going wrong! argh!
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I have learned that i and i alone am responsible for my happiness, most people these days are as reliable as wet toilet paper!

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  #277  
Old May 14, 2014, 05:05 PM
Anonymous37965
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Thinking negatively about people i care about.
Feeling judged
Wanting to burst into tears every few min.

wine and weed my only relief

....trying.

The BPD Daily Check in Thread #4

  #278  
Old May 14, 2014, 05:18 PM
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porcelain_pain porcelain_pain is offline
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Eh, I don't feel like doing **** all right now, I hate this feeling of laziness. I felt like I was gaining some traction for a little while but I feel stuck in a bit of a rut today. This woman moved into my house for like 10 days and it turns out she is mentally ill/an addict and is not taking care of herself...started exhibiting really scary/threatening behaviour so I politely kicked her out. Now I need to pay the extra rent on her behalf...well my boyfriend does cause he has money and I don't. This morning I rear-ended someone because I was driving like an idiot and who knows how much those repairs will cost. Oh, and then I crushed my fingers in the garage door and spent a few hours in the hospital. Ruined my plans of getting school work done. Now it's late in the day and it's raining and gloomy outside and I really just wanna have a nap and be done with it, but I overslept last night anyhow so it probably won't feel too good. Oh well :/
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  #279  
Old May 14, 2014, 06:20 PM
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Verity81 Verity81 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by trying2survive View Post
well still no lawnmower, called the shop not done yet...gas grill didn't want to start yesterday..so fought with that for a good 30+ minutes


how does a gas grill not start??? how hard can it be to start a gas grill?? you turn the gas thingy..hit the button..its supposed to start..why would it not start?? why would it not start..on me??? anyways


i swear this s*** only happens to me! wtf!

"Gas thingy" lol that it's technical term?

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  #280  
Old May 14, 2014, 06:36 PM
Espresso Espresso is offline
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What's the point, really?
  #281  
Old May 14, 2014, 07:18 PM
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trying2survive trying2survive is offline
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Originally Posted by Verity81 View Post
"Gas thingy" lol that it's technical term?

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LOL! that's a i was having a BPD moment idk what the heck it is called term!
hee hee
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I have learned that i and i alone am responsible for my happiness, most people these days are as reliable as wet toilet paper!
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  #282  
Old May 14, 2014, 07:21 PM
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atomicc atomicc is offline
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Worried my paranoia will get the best of me in my relationship. Suddenly back to devaluing him and thinking he's cheating. In all honesty, he could be. I have no proof. Just little gut inklings.
I'm pushing him away and I know it..but then again maybe it's what I want? Maybe we're not meant to be..
I wish I knew what were genuine feelings and what are just the BPD. It's the worst part for me..
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Diagnosed: Generalized Anxiety Disorder & Obsessive Compulsive Disoder. Previous: Borderline Personality Disorder.

I no longer qualify for a diagnosis of Borderline Personality Disorder, but there will always be my borderline traits that I struggle with especially during times of great stress.


I've been working passionately as a therapist since December 2016
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  #283  
Old May 14, 2014, 09:02 PM
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Britneigh Britneigh is offline
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Drink drank drunk as effff.

I don't want to live anymore
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Life's so dark when every day is a struggle
Why go out and see the world on fire
Don't let your mindset become what controls you
Speak right now and make the choice to grow
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  #284  
Old May 15, 2014, 12:11 AM
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porcelain_pain porcelain_pain is offline
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Imagine you could let a garden grow between your outstretched hands. That you could hover around tornadoes until they got tired of whirling and died. We've rationed ourselves to the parts of life that life itself resents. Imagine you could be the fabric that patched up the holes in the lining of life's nest when they told you that you're not made of stars

<3

Quote:
Originally Posted by Britneigh View Post
Drink drank drunk as effff.

I don't want to live anymore
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  #285  
Old May 15, 2014, 11:53 AM
Anonymous37965
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done with my online class. Relieved.

smoking reality away now..

I feel so lonely :-/ at the same time I push people away
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  #286  
Old May 15, 2014, 05:53 PM
ifst5 ifst5 is offline
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A strange day today...looks to be a difficult one tomorrow as well. I'm still restricting and feeling generally quite pressured. My wounds are healing ok. I suppose the more i try to disappear the harsher reality becomes
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  #287  
Old May 15, 2014, 07:35 PM
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went to see my T today, session went really well..i'm in a real good mood, ready for some ice cream! LOL!
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I have learned that i and i alone am responsible for my happiness, most people these days are as reliable as wet toilet paper!
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  #288  
Old May 15, 2014, 09:03 PM
June155 June155 is offline
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Trainwreck. Stopped drinking alcohol so now just lying awake for hours in bed.
Realized he is a disrespectful *** who doesn't even deserve my friendship let alone my love, but instead of being mad at him just feeling totally in pain and hate myself for not letting this happen to me again and I feel like I don't deserve any love, cause why else would someone treat me like this?... so yea, basically just lying awake.
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  #289  
Old May 16, 2014, 02:57 AM
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Verity81 Verity81 is offline
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Seeing T today for Prolonged Exposure Therapy to past traumas - very nervous :/

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  #290  
Old May 16, 2014, 07:34 AM
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Britneigh Britneigh is offline
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Meh. Just Meh.
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Life's so dark when every day is a struggle
Why go out and see the world on fire
Don't let your mindset become what controls you
Speak right now and make the choice to grow
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  #291  
Old May 16, 2014, 10:13 AM
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Britneigh Britneigh is offline
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double poster. oops

I wasn't feeling the strongest this morning...then the hay wagon got stuck and I have to go pick up a load of hay. Then the SPCA showed up because of complaints...then I came in to check FB and someone posted a nasty comment on one of the horse's I have for sale claiming he needs to be fed (who would have thought...horses need food? Boy this is news to me)...I'm crying. I'm so worn out and drained and just don't want to function anymore. I'm done. I'm just done.
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Life's so dark when every day is a struggle
Why go out and see the world on fire
Don't let your mindset become what controls you
Speak right now and make the choice to grow
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  #292  
Old May 16, 2014, 11:02 AM
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Mindful55 Mindful55 is offline
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Hello world..

It is noontime and I am having another day of being anxious and overwhelmed.
I need a job!! Hard to express my emotions..The days are running together..This is hard looking for a freaking job, when all they want is a cutout of an experienced candidate.

Not sure what to write...
Thanks for this!
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  #293  
Old May 16, 2014, 11:33 AM
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trying2survive trying2survive is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Britneigh View Post
double poster. oops

I wasn't feeling the strongest this morning...then the hay wagon got stuck and I have to go pick up a load of hay. Then the SPCA showed up because of complaints...then I came in to check FB and someone posted a nasty comment on one of the horse's I have for sale claiming he needs to be fed (who would have thought...horses need food? Boy this is news to me)...I'm crying. I'm so worn out and drained and just don't want to function anymore. I'm done. I'm just done.
sorry you feel so bad, hope things get better..i try to avoid facebook..it tends to bring out the stupidest people..thinking of deleting my account all together i'm never on it! i'd much rather be here on PC!
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I have learned that i and i alone am responsible for my happiness, most people these days are as reliable as wet toilet paper!
  #294  
Old May 16, 2014, 11:37 AM
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trying2survive trying2survive is offline
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is it friday! LOL! i never know what day it is anymore! LOL! anyways off to the gym i go! couple more bills to deal w/ later and maybe some work around the yard IF THEY EVER FIX MY LAWNMOWER!!! LOL!
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I have learned that i and i alone am responsible for my happiness, most people these days are as reliable as wet toilet paper!
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  #295  
Old May 16, 2014, 09:06 PM
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trying2survive trying2survive is offline
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still no lawnmower..they haven't even looked at it yet. grrr
i did find a neighborhood kid that will cut it tommorrow..oh and get this my dryer went out today..nice
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I have learned that i and i alone am responsible for my happiness, most people these days are as reliable as wet toilet paper!
Thanks for this!
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  #296  
Old May 17, 2014, 11:57 AM
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Blue_velvet09 Blue_velvet09 is offline
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I am nervous. I'm staying at my boyfriends parents house for the first time and they live 3 hours away. Just a million of questions are popping into my head.. What if I split? How will I cover my emotions? What if I take something too personally and it gets awkward and I can't leave? What if I can't use the bathroom?? What if my introverted side comes out and I don't want to be around them?
I'm hoping it goes well, but I'm so socially awkward and unsure of myself I'm scared they won't like me and think I have too many issues for their son.



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  #297  
Old May 17, 2014, 12:17 PM
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trying2survive trying2survive is offline
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Location: northeast ohio
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going to get my lawnmower...i can't believe its ready,..i wonder if i will recognize it! LOL!
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I have learned that i and i alone am responsible for my happiness, most people these days are as reliable as wet toilet paper!

Last edited by trying2survive; May 17, 2014 at 12:18 PM. Reason: misspelled a word im so excited!
Thanks for this!
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  #298  
Old May 17, 2014, 01:52 PM
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technigal technigal is offline
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long weekend here. I planted flowers in my front planter. Too much work to do the ones in the back yard.
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Depression diagnosed March 1996
PTSD diagnosed January 2000
BPD diagnosed September 2013
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  #299  
Old May 17, 2014, 03:33 PM
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trying2survive trying2survive is offline
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Member Since: Mar 2014
Location: northeast ohio
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cut the grass lawnmower works great! now if only the dryer....
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I have learned that i and i alone am responsible for my happiness, most people these days are as reliable as wet toilet paper!
Thanks for this!
Bill3
  #300  
Old May 17, 2014, 10:07 PM
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Britneigh Britneigh is offline
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Location: Onterrible, Canadaland
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One night stand...had some really really bad sex...

I always feel bad afterwards because I don't even swing that way..guys just don't do it for me...I don't really get turned on by them. Its just whatever for me but I'm apparently very likable and they all fall for me...oops.
__________________
Life's so dark when every day is a struggle
Why go out and see the world on fire
Don't let your mindset become what controls you
Speak right now and make the choice to grow

Last edited by Britneigh; May 17, 2014 at 10:21 PM.
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