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#302
May 18, 2014, 12:26 PM
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Spent the morning in the emergency room due to an allergic reaction to an antibiotic my doctor put me on. I've been itching like crazy for days and then noticed I had a rash and the figured it out. Still itching like crazy, still waiting for the anti-histamines to kick in and give me some relief.
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NeverBeenLoved Borderline Personality Disorder, Bipolar 1 (with mixed episodes), PTSD (Dx: Jan 2014) Rx: Topomax, Lamitrigine, Temazapam, Klopin, Atvain |
 trying2survive
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 Bill3
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#303
May 18, 2014, 01:29 PM
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I ate more today than i have in a long while...i can feel the restriction urges beginning to resurface. It's my birthday next week but i'm not up to much celebrating. There's a fair bit i have to do tomorrow, debating whether to attend CC appointment tuesday.....ugh i just want everything to go away
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#304
May 18, 2014, 04:12 PM
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Well just checking in having not so good day things just seem to get worse between husband and me it seems all my fault cause of disorders but he wont change or help me with anything says its my problem
Sent from my RM-820_nam_att_100 using Tapatalk |
| trying2survive
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| Bill3
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#305
May 18, 2014, 05:46 PM
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good day today, been out in the yard working for like 6 hrs..kept my mind off all the crap..left my cell in the house and went to town on the weeds..strangely therapeutic..any body else experience that?
__________________
I have learned that i and i alone am responsible for my happiness, most people these days are as reliable as wet toilet paper!  
Last edited by trying2survive; May 18, 2014 at 05:46 PM. Reason: forgot a letter! |
| Bill3
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#306
May 18, 2014, 06:57 PM
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Well I was having a good day till I found out two people who I am somewhat friends with were talking about me behind my back and about my job/boss. I've never been more angry before.
__________________
Life's so dark when every day is a struggle
Why go out and see the world on fire Don't let your mindset become what controls you Speak right now and make the choice to grow |
| trying2survive
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| Bill3
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#308
May 18, 2014, 08:45 PM
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Hm... this day started off good. Thought I'd be seeing the girl I love but her phone was turned off so I panicked thinking she was gonna leave me or was dead. Later, my aunt and her dog visited us and that was great... though when they left I was incredibly tired and took a nap. I woke up feeling like ****, my little brother checked on me, gave me a hug and told me he loved me. He's so amazing. I love that kid. That made me feel bad about not being a good enough sister to him. So I got drunk and ended up sleeping on the bathroom floor with deep open sores all over my legs. My mom came in, went to get my dad who's a doctor and he said I HAD to get stitches as they were so deep. I was just crying hysterically saying how sorry I was and how much I love them. We went to the hospital, got stitches on 7 of those scars and now... I'm feeling alright for some reason. I don't even know...
Sent from my GT-I9505 using Tapatalk |
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#309
May 19, 2014, 07:13 AM
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Quote:
 are feeling better
__________________
I have learned that i and i alone am responsible for my happiness, most people these days are as reliable as wet toilet paper!
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#310
May 19, 2014, 07:16 AM
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trash day today, went out to put the last bag of grass/leaves in front of the house yard looks great..proud of myself, i'm thinking "i did that, wow"
i know its not a big deal..only yard-work..but for some reason it really gave me a sense of accomplishment..maybe because it's been so long since i could actually start something and actually finish it 
__________________
I have learned that i and i alone am responsible for my happiness, most people these days are as reliable as wet toilet paper!
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| waiting4
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#311
May 19, 2014, 12:59 PM
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Not doing so great. I've had 2 therapists give up on me in the span of 4 months since I was diagnosed with BPD, with the most recent one giving up last week. I'm broke, fearful of if I'll be able to stay in school anymore, and I can't seem to have one stable thing in my life besides my cat.
I'm trying, but by this point I don't really know what to do anymore or how to get reliable help. |
| BarelyMakingIt, Bill3, Espresso, trying2survive, waggiedog
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| waggiedog
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#312
May 19, 2014, 01:06 PM
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Woke up today feeling really jittery and worried. I've been really avoidant about financial things lately and it's got me really on edge. I wanted to get some things sorted out today but it's a holiday here so nothing is open. I also have an assignment due tomorrow, but I'm going to request an extension on it, which I always do. Having to use my brain right now makes me feel terrified. I'm just going to go take some pictures outside.
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BPD // OCD // ADD // SAD // GAD |
| BarelyMakingIt, Bill3, trying2survive, waggiedog
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#313
May 19, 2014, 02:40 PM
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I haven't been here in a while but I forgot how much visiting this forum used to help. I hadn't had access for a few weeks and I have been really down since then. I'm still determined to overcome this and become the person that I really want. It's really hard though when I don't really have supportive people. I have gotten into it a few times with my children's father who is the biggest trigger for me.
I was already having a hard time. Which he mentioned of course and had to let me know that I'm miserable and all other types of things. Well, that's the type of person he is. The type to kick somebody when their down and be totally justified about it. I try to avoid him as much as I can, which I don't even want to do as it is unhealthy when trying to raise two kids. He is beyond difficult, he has mental issues of his own I'm pretty sure but he will never acknowledge that. He's just content with everything being my fault and me doing whatever he wants. I try to deal with his delusions and insecurity in a logical way the best that I can and not respond emotionally but it's really hard, especially lately. I had typed something else at first but I was logged out when I entered. I did copy and paste it because I remember that this could happen but of course I went and copied and pasted something else and lost my first post lol. That's just a glimpse of how scattered my mind is. I didn't really intend for my post to be so long but I haven't really spoken to the one person that I consider a friend in over almost a month so I guess I had a lot bottled up. Letting this out made me feel a little better. Hopefully I can go on and enjoy the rest of this day. |
| Bill3, dlaka66, technigal, trying2survive, waggiedog
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#314
May 19, 2014, 02:50 PM
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crappy day
cant stop feeling so sad ssdd |
| Bill3, Espresso, trying2survive, waggiedog
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#316
May 20, 2014, 08:50 PM
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Good day
 Went to see Godzilla in 3d with my oldest (grown) son. He has autism/aspergers and is crazy for anything and everything Godzilla. I have always disliked 3d movies though. They give me headaches. Went to McDonalds afterward and had a terrible iced coffee :P So strong and not sweet. I LOVE Almond Breeze iced coffees. Beautiful weather here today too.
__________________
 "All The World's a Stage" Patterning your life around other's opinions is nothing more than slavery~Lawana Blackwell |
| Bill3, waggiedog
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#317
May 21, 2014, 02:26 AM
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I didn't kill myself last night though I was planning to. I didn't even hurt myself. I'm kinda proud.
Sent from my GT-I9505 using Tapatalk |
| Bill3, Espresso, trying2survive, waggiedog
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#318
May 21, 2014, 11:22 AM
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Another so-so day peppered by procrastination and looming indifference. I managed to get a little further in my letters and persist with a few phone calls, but i know i could be doing more and a lot faster. Maybe it's the feeling of hopelessness that's starting to drag me back down. I want some of that mania-fueled energy back so i can at least push some stuff forward. My anxiety has left me house bound this week and blowing off the few people still bothering to stay in touch. I need more food and some antibiotics for my wounds wouldn't go amiss - they still don't seem to be healing. It's like i can never fully break away, part of me is always left stuck to fly paper
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| Espresso, waggiedog
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#319
May 21, 2014, 11:52 AM
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My life is **** show. |
| Bill3, Espresso, waggiedog
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#320
May 21, 2014, 03:45 PM
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I lub alcohol <3
__________________
Life's so dark when every day is a struggle
Why go out and see the world on fire Don't let your mindset become what controls you Speak right now and make the choice to grow |
| Bill3, waggiedog
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#321
May 21, 2014, 06:50 PM
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Quote:
My depression is back. There's only so much you can take. You get knocked down once, and you get back up. Knocked down a second time and back up. A third time, and up again. Then you get knocked down a forth time and also kicked while you're down. I can't pick myself up anymore. |
| Bill3
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#322
May 21, 2014, 09:30 PM
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busy day today,got a lot done! proud of myself
__________________
I have learned that i and i alone am responsible for my happiness, most people these days are as reliable as wet toilet paper!
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| Bill3, Verity81
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#323
May 22, 2014, 03:05 AM
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Quote:
You should feel proud! Seriously well done. Treat yourself today, you deserve it! Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
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Verity  
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| trying2survive
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#324
May 22, 2014, 03:06 AM
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Feeling on edge about tomorrow's prolonged exposure to past traumas. Talking about past abuse and I feel such shame even though I shouldn't! Grrrrr
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
__________________
Verity
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| technigal, trying2survive
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| Bill3
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#325
May 22, 2014, 10:09 AM
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get so see my T today, happy about that & getting my yard work done as well!
__________________
I have learned that i and i alone am responsible for my happiness, most people these days are as reliable as wet toilet paper!
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| waiting4
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| Bill3
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| Closed Thread |
This is an old thread. You probably should not post your reply to it, as the original poster is unlikely to see it.|
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