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  #76  
Old Apr 14, 2014, 09:29 PM
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Depression is starting to lift, it seems the medication change has worked. I have now been on the ciperlex for a month.
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Depression diagnosed March 1996
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  #77  
Old Apr 14, 2014, 10:30 PM
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My emotions have been up and down. Yesterday was a struggle being around family. I did see my doctor friday and debating on still seeing her. Finally gave me something else along with the med I'm currently on but its been months that I can't get through to her with how I feel.
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"The moment you doubt whether you can fly, you cease forever to be able to do it. For to have faith is to have wings" ~Peter Pan

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  #78  
Old Apr 15, 2014, 01:49 AM
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Originally Posted by Withered-Rose79 View Post
He's packing and I'm crying. It's what I want, yet it's so very heartbreaking at the same time.

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Godbless, you'll heal day by day. ((Hugz))

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  #79  
Old Apr 15, 2014, 09:13 AM
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woke up this morning and there is snow on the ground,ugh! my day is shot
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  #80  
Old Apr 15, 2014, 12:30 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by trying2survive View Post
woke up this morning and there is snow on the ground,ugh! my day is shot

I feel your pain! It didn't snow here, but it's turned cold again and my heater has stopped working. It's going to be a miserable cold night at my house if I can't find someone to fix it today. I'm sorry you woke up to snow!

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  #81  
Old Apr 15, 2014, 12:53 PM
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I can't stand the spring weather right now, hayfever galore ugh!

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  #82  
Old Apr 15, 2014, 02:50 PM
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I wish people wouldn't say one thing and then go back on it.
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  #83  
Old Apr 15, 2014, 04:45 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Withered-Rose79 View Post
He's packing and I'm crying. It's what I want, yet it's so very heartbreaking at the same time.

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i think that's the hardest part, my ex left the day after thanksgiving, i wanted to just die!
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I have learned that i and i alone am responsible for my happiness, most people these days are as reliable as wet toilet paper!
  #84  
Old Apr 15, 2014, 07:57 PM
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Maybe I really can't do this job. We lost another horse today, another brutal death. Then I received a call that a dog who's been missing for a few weeks was found in a ditch. More horses are sick and nothing is going right. My arm kills and I just want to cry. I wasn't sure if I should tell my boss tonight about Jake (her dog) my coworker did ...she got upset and yelled at me for ruining her night. I am just taking my meds for the night and crying myself to sleep. I can't do this anymore. I thought I could handle it but I can't.
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  #85  
Old Apr 15, 2014, 08:02 PM
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I'm feeling a little overwhelmed today. There's so much I need to get done in the next few days.
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  #86  
Old Apr 15, 2014, 09:04 PM
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I'm feeling incredibly frustrated and unmotivated. Angry at myself. Have been doing nothing but pissing around for days, even missed a bunch of important commitments cause I preferred to sleep. Feel so immobile and unable to care about anything. Hate myself for being lazy and worthless.
  #87  
Old Apr 15, 2014, 09:07 PM
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I'm stiiill quite chipper so I'm milking it for all it's worth !
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Diagnosed: Generalized Anxiety Disorder & Obsessive Compulsive Disoder. Previous: Borderline Personality Disorder.

I no longer qualify for a diagnosis of Borderline Personality Disorder, but there will always be my borderline traits that I struggle with especially during times of great stress.


I've been working passionately as a therapist since December 2016
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  #88  
Old Apr 16, 2014, 03:02 AM
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Horrible jittery nights sleep, feel calmer after shower. Am soooo tempted to self soothe with retail therapy!!!

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  #89  
Old Apr 16, 2014, 06:25 AM
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Happy Birthday Britneigh,
  #90  
Old Apr 16, 2014, 10:00 AM
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i don't know if i'm coming or going
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  #91  
Old Apr 16, 2014, 01:20 PM
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My day was alright, I was pretty empty and dissociative but still, up untill like 4 hours ago when my anxiety got really bad and now it just wont ****ing calm down. I feel like the girl I love is gonna leave me. Again. Even though she told me she missed me like an hour ago. And I'm scared she might have sold herself to get money for heroin, even though she promised not to. I'm so close to starting a fight with her right now, and I always end up threatening to commit suicide. I need to stop myself from doing this but I don't know how. My feelings are just TOO much right now ugh

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  #92  
Old Apr 16, 2014, 01:44 PM
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I tend to hold in a lot of my feelings when I'm angry or upset with someone I care about. I do this because I fear confrontation within my home and I mentally can't handle knowing someone I love is angry or upset at me. I'm scared if I speak my mind, the person I'm upset with will get mad and stop talking to me. Last night I sat silently angry at my bf over something he said. After a while I decided to hell with this, and I spoke my mind to him. It felt good; it was very freeing and he actually apologized to me for what he had said. Life went on, and it was good...
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  #93  
Old Apr 16, 2014, 09:26 PM
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Slept all day once again. I totally did this to myself by binging on drugs last weekend. Things start to look up and I feel great about life and celebrate by doing all the drugs. I wish I didn't ruin my natural highs with chemical ones that leave me completely depleted of serotonin later. All I want is to return back to some semblance of normalcy and get maybe 1 or 2 out of 10 things done. Feeling like such a waste.

Hang in there friends.
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  #94  
Old Apr 17, 2014, 08:44 AM
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Getting a bit anxious and irrational having to stop myself from obsessively googling everything I worry about!

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  #95  
Old Apr 17, 2014, 08:56 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by isntlifewonderful View Post
My day was alright, I was pretty empty and dissociative but still, up untill like 4 hours ago when my anxiety got really bad and now it just wont ****ing calm down. I feel like the girl I love is gonna leave me. Again. Even though she told me she missed me like an hour ago. And I'm scared she might have sold herself to get money for heroin, even though she promised not to. I'm so close to starting a fight with her right now, and I always end up threatening to commit suicide. I need to stop myself from doing this but I don't know how. My feelings are just TOO much right now ugh

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i hate that feeling, when your feelings are out of control. just feels like there's no stopping it no matter how hard you try, it sucks hang in there
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  #96  
Old Apr 17, 2014, 08:59 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Withered-Rose79 View Post
I tend to hold in a lot of my feelings when I'm angry or upset with someone I care about. I do this because I fear confrontation within my home and I mentally can't handle knowing someone I love is angry or upset at me. I'm scared if I speak my mind, the person I'm upset with will get mad and stop talking to me. Last night I sat silently angry at my bf over something he said. After a while I decided to hell with this, and I spoke my mind to him. It felt good; it was very freeing and he actually apologized to me for what he had said. Life went on, and it was good...
don't you love it when you say something that was on your mind, but at first you didn't want to ...for fear it will blow up into a huge argument, but it didn't.
nice. wish it was like that ALL the time, makes you wish you said something earlier!
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I have learned that i and i alone am responsible for my happiness, most people these days are as reliable as wet toilet paper!
  #97  
Old Apr 17, 2014, 09:00 AM
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Getting a bit anxious and irrational having to stop myself from obsessively googling everything I worry about!

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LOL! i though i only did that, i googled a couple things i was worried about this morning as soon as i woke up ( i gotta stop doing that!) hee hee
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I have learned that i and i alone am responsible for my happiness, most people these days are as reliable as wet toilet paper!
  #98  
Old Apr 17, 2014, 12:32 PM
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Originally Posted by trying2survive View Post
LOL! i though i only did that, i googled a couple things i was worried about this morning as soon as i woke up ( i gotta stop doing that!) hee hee

Glad I'm not the only one! Seriously there are times I think I need rehab from google! I have to say 'stop' to myself and force myself to do something else lol ((hugz))

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  #99  
Old Apr 17, 2014, 12:48 PM
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Originally Posted by Verity81 View Post
Glad I'm not the only one! Seriously there are times I think I need rehab from google! I have to say 'stop' to myself and force myself to do something else lol ((hugz))

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i don't think i could survive without google, hee hee
i use it all day long, day and night!
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I have learned that i and i alone am responsible for my happiness, most people these days are as reliable as wet toilet paper!
  #100  
Old Apr 17, 2014, 12:51 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by porcelain_pain View Post
Slept all day once again. I totally did this to myself by binging on drugs last weekend. Things start to look up and I feel great about life and celebrate by doing all the drugs. I wish I didn't ruin my natural highs with chemical ones that leave me completely depleted of serotonin later. All I want is to return back to some semblance of normalcy and get maybe 1 or 2 out of 10 things done. Feeling like such a waste.

Hang in there friends.
i have a bad habit of doing that, too! s*** is going right for a change, ok, time to get high ( and of course everything i was supposed to get done, doesn't)
this past weekend i didn't do too bad, just drinking w/o the other stuff so i'm kinda proud of that!
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I have learned that i and i alone am responsible for my happiness, most people these days are as reliable as wet toilet paper!
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