[Fuzzybear]

If a love relationship or "friendship" goes badly wrong, and you're blamed wrongly and hurt deeply.... How do you feel?

Do you shrug your shoulders and walk away and let all the poor treatment roll off your back?

Or do you still love this person who has treated you so shabbily? or do you hate them? or are you indifferent to them?

Do you try to make things right, taking all the blame and (even if this is unfair) and...

Can you still forgive them even if it's impossible to remove them completely from your life?

Are you extremely sensitive to your environment, feeling violated by things that 'normal" people may be able to ignore and dismiss more easily?

(not about anyone in particular, on pc or anywhere)

do you think the opposite of love is "hate" or "indifference"?

[Fuzzybear]

(deleted)...

[trying2survive]

Originally Posted by Fuzzybear

If a love relationship or "friendship" goes badly wrong, and you're blamed wrongly and hurt deeply.... How do you feel?

Do you shrug your shoulders and walk away and let all the poor treatment roll off your back?

Or do you still love this person who has treated you so shabbily? or do you hate them? or are you indifferent to them?

Do you try to make things right, taking all the blame and (even if this is unfair) and...

Can you still forgive them even if it's impossible to remove them completely from your life?

Are you extremely sensitive to your environment, feeling violated by things that 'normal" people may be able to ignore and dismiss more easily?

(not about anyone in particular, on pc or anywhere)

do you think the opposite of love is "hate" or "indifference"?

i never let the poor treatment roll of my back, i usually beg them to come back and sign up for more abuse ( silly me!).
i don't know if i forgive them but i am guilty of accepting alll the blame even when clearly is wasn't my fault

im very sensitive my BPD is quite severe so it's never easy
i can go from love to hate to love again in a split second
wish i could control it better!!

[Trippin2.0]

IMO the opposite of love is indifference, because hating implies that I care about the person in question. And even if it doesn't mean I actually care, they're still affecting me tremendously enough for me to hate them.

Also, I've had moments when I absolutely hated loved ones, so that also backs up my stance that hate isn't the absence or opposite of love, but that indifference is.

I'm very sensitive to my environment at times, not always, but their are times when the most unassuming things will drive me nuts.

When people hurt me, I no longer apologize when I KNOW I'm not in the wrong, I've reached that place where I either forgive and move past or love you from a distance.

What comes after forgiveness, whether I write them off or mend things, is based on the level of the offense and whether its a repeat.

I have a very forgiving nature, sometimes I forgive even when I really don't want to and prefer to hold onto my anger (very frustrating) but I've learned that forgiving doesn't mean providing someone with the opportunity to wrong me again. Its simply part of the way for me to heal and move forward.

I'm loving my sister's from a distance these days, those b!tches are just not healthy for me, even though they don't actively try to harm me either (well I would hope they haven't ). We're just NOT compatable in any way shape or form, and me trying to cultivate relationships with them (they're far older than I) just leaves me feeling wayyy too exhausted and unglued.

You've posted some good thoughts to ponder Fuzzy, thanks

ETA: Absolutely NOTHING rolls off my back.

[misfit77]

I find it takes me forever to get over someone. It feels like I am fighting with my rationale mind and my heart. I accept that the relationship is over, but it doesn't mean I don't obsess about it. With BPD the one criteria is the "frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment". I don't know that I make "frantic efforts" I just don't get over the hurt. I try to rationalize it, I try to forgive, but deep down I am really friggin' angry and that is definitely not indifference. It is hate...red hot hate.

My first boyfriend broke up with me almost 15 years ago (OMG I can't believe it's been that long!!). I am pretty sure he broke up with me for someone else, but he didn't say he did. He broke my heart and moved on quickly (or so I thought, it was a few months, but my heart was still broken at the time so I couldn't understand how he could move on). He ended up marrying the girl (Again I think he left me for her but didn't tell me). I still hope they get divorced. I still hate him in my heart, even though I have moved on, even though I know he wasn't right for me, and even though he was never a jerk as a boyfriend. I hate him for breaking my heart. I hate him for all the times I was alone and he was with her. I hate that about myself. I have carried the hate around so long for him that I don't know if I know how to get rid of it. It is something that has bothered me for so long. When I found out I had BPD it started to make sense. Now I am want to learn how to get over it.

[JadeAmethyst]

For what it's worth. A very long time ago, my mentor told me that the opposite of love is in fact indifference. Today, some 20 plus years later, I am still wondering about this statement and the context of it. Indifference seems to come about when "I don't care what others think, feel, and I behave without how much harm i cause myself and others in my sphere of experience and relations with others." I feel this way at times depending on who or where i happen to be mentally and emotionally....and what's currently going on or not going on in life daily.

I know that it is hard and that being more knowledgeable has helped. Still......doesn't deflect a lot of the poo that is slung in many directions....my best advice would be to hit the deck when the poo is too much and take care to run if predators are chasing you for their next meal....lol

I digress. Take care of you, make effort to do no harm, take no hostages, and soldier on!!!!!!

[waiting4]

Originally Posted by misfit77

I find it takes me forever to get over someone. It feels like I am fighting with my rationale mind and my heart. I accept that the relationship is over, but it doesn't mean I don't obsess about it. With BPD the one criteria is the "frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment". I don't know that I make "frantic efforts" I just don't get over the hurt. I try to rationalize it, I try to forgive, but deep down I am really friggin' angry and that is definitely not indifference. It is hate...red hot hate.

Now I am want to learn how to get over it.

My feelings exactly. As far as friendships, if I feel I'm at fault I always apologize (just learning not to apologize for every freakin' thing) but if I've done nothing wrong, I refuse to say I'm sorry, and often I'll just cut them out of my life. Strong, yes, but I guess finding out I'm BPD has given me the freedom to realize I kept getting kicked in the past for no reason--and also kept picking people to get to know unwisely.

As far as bf....well broke up last year (my choice) and still miss him even as I know (I KNOW) in my heart, I miss a person he never was, and that was a creation by both of us. It would be hard to let go if I WASN'T BPD, but because I am, it just hurts endlessly. I know I'll get over it. I can rationalize all of it, me...him...his own 'demons' that probably still plague him.....I can feel sorry for him, dismiss him, hate him.....but deep down I miss the hell out of him, and wish he missed me, even as I know he couldn't because he's simply not capable.

So I just take it day to day. Most days are ok. Today, tho, was hard, and for no reason. Just couldn't stop obsessing about him...remembering everything, good and bad.

It helps to know I'm not the only one dealing with this.

[Aventurine]

Love me, hate me, but please do not kill me with your indifference.

[misfit77]

"The opposite of love is not hate, it's indifference. The opposite of art is not ugliness, it's indifference. The opposite of faith is not heresy, it's indifference. And the opposite of life is not death, it's indifference." -Elie Wiesel

I highly recommend reading "Night" by Elie Wiesel. Puts things into perspective sometimes.
Misfit