[June155]

I have a problem and it always keeps happening.
I meet someone, I feel attracted, I have a great time with them and then they have to leave. And the first hours I'm fine, but then it starts to take over my mind.
I think about it every second, I constantly look at my phone just to see if I have gotten a message, all I want to do is see him again and I know that if I do it will only get worse. In a few days I'll be obsessed and think of him as the love of my life.
It's so ridiculous, I feel so independent, meet someone, play it cool, but by the next evening I'll be planning our marriage in my head.
And then when it doesn't work out, I'll be completely crushed.
I really want to find a way to develop a relationship in a healthy way by slowly letting something grow but I cannot stop the train of thoughts..
TIPS PLEASE! :-)

Sorry - I never learned how to get past this cycle.

[trying2survive]

Originally Posted by June155

I have a problem and it always keeps happening.
I meet someone, I feel attracted, I have a great time with them and then they have to leave. And the first hours I'm fine, but then it starts to take over my mind.
I think about it every second, I constantly look at my phone just to see if I have gotten a message, all I want to do is see him again and I know that if I do it will only get worse. In a few days I'll be obsessed and think of him as the love of my life.
It's so ridiculous, I feel so independent, meet someone, play it cool, but by the next evening I'll be planning our marriage in my head.
And then when it doesn't work out, I'll be completely crushed.
I really want to find a way to develop a relationship in a healthy way by slowly letting something grow but I cannot stop the train of thoughts..
TIPS PLEASE! :-)

done it many times! never could seem to get a handle on it
trying to avoid putting myself in that situation again!

[waiting4]

Originally Posted by trying2survive

done it many times! never could seem to get a handle on it
trying to avoid putting myself in that situation again!

I think we've all done something like that more than once in our lives. For me, distance works wonders hehe I just don't move anyone out of the 'friend zone' because that one I seem to be able to manage better (with the exception of occassional poor choices, but that's on me, not them)

[atomicc]

I wish I could give good advice, but I still struggle with this myself! It's hard to keep those thoughts from happening, but I do try and not let them control my actions or behaviors around the person.
I keep it bottled up best I can

[Lefty_Mac]

i'm a rookie at this, but as far as i'm concerned, total and definitive avoidance and cutting off all the relationship, communication, burning the bridges - you get the picture -worked for me so far.

well, 'worked'. somehow.

I'm with Lefty_Mac on this one.

I simply don't associate with anyone for it to happen. When forced to know people because of work I keep them well and truly at arms length.

Probably not the healthiest way but I've found it's at least slightly eased the angst of living for me.

[Achy Turtle Armor]

Originally Posted by June155

I have a problem and it always keeps happening.
I meet someone, I feel attracted, I have a great time with them and then they have to leave. And the first hours I'm fine, but then it starts to take over my mind.
I think about it every second, I constantly look at my phone just to see if I have gotten a message, all I want to do is see him again and I know that if I do it will only get worse. In a few days I'll be obsessed and think of him as the love of my life.
It's so ridiculous, I feel so independent, meet someone, play it cool, but by the next evening I'll be planning our marriage in my head.
And then when it doesn't work out, I'll be completely crushed.
I really want to find a way to develop a relationship in a healthy way by slowly letting something grow but I cannot stop the train of thoughts..
TIPS PLEASE! :-)

I will be watching and waiting for answers.

The best answer I have been given was by my T just yesterday. He says to stay present. Focus on what is around you. He said, "When I'm not around you, leave me alone. When your husband isn't around leave him alone. When your sister isn't around leave her alone. Pay attention to those around you and deal with them. Deal with them in a way that's productive. Deal with reality. You wont be disappointed. You have to do this shi+. Doing something you don't want to do is not as bad as you think it is."

I understand exactly what he is saying but I don't relay it back well nor do I find it simple to do. I have to keep trying though. When I catch myself thinking too much about someone or something I have to change tracks. I am going to try to play a quick puzzle or something similar to switch my thinking. If I can do this... If we can do this, life will seem a lot easier.

Now, that's enough thinking about my T. I'm going to move to something else. Good luck to us all.

[June155]

Thank you all,
I've spent my last few hours waiting for a text message , trying to distract myself but completely falling down the rabbit hole again. I also don't find it helpful do be around other right now because they have no idea how the handle me or how to understand me when I'm in this mindset. Pff,,, really don't know what to do with myself. I simply hate it when this happens. :-(

[Achy Turtle Armor]

I just decided today, better late than never, when I'm in that place I will not text T anymore. He is my current obsession.

[June155]

I'm waiting on a text about when and where to meet up today. It's 7pm here right now and still haven't received anyhting. And I'm not doing it myself because I have no proper judgement anymore about how obsessive my texts are right now. Smashed a glass against the wall, because I didn't want to smash my phone just in case he still will text. :-( haven't eaten anything all day and just sitting here right now. I feel awful, and just remember, only met this guy once.... And fighting it even only makes me feel worse.
Everything about this situation is wrong.

[Achy Turtle Armor]

Originally Posted by June155

I'm waiting on a text about when and where to meet up today. It's 7pm here right now and still haven't received anyhting. And I'm not doing it myself because I have no proper judgement anymore about how obsessive my texts are right now. Smashed a glass against the wall, because I didn't want to smash my phone just in case he still will text. :-( haven't eaten anything all day and just sitting here right now. I feel awful, and just remember, only met this guy once.... And fighting it even only makes me feel worse.
Everything about this situation is wrong.

God. I swear I know how you're feeling. It makes me anxious just thinking about it. Take care of yourself. Get "wrapped" up in something. A puzzle, a game, Google your favorite artist, coming here is probably good. if it's OK.

[Kimaya]

I know my 'method' is not healthy. And it doesn't work on people who there is the instant borderline honeymoon connection, sadly.

I decide up front that the person is nothing like me and doesn't like me or won't like me and so I have nothing to expect from the relationship except attacks in one form or another. I try really hard not to be 'tricked' into believing they are sincere, keeping my guard up while at the same time I 'roleplay'/behave that I believe precisely the opposite is going on (that they are being genuine and a good person). Its sort of like playing possum.

If I call someone out on something or get angry I have failed my 'roleplay'. I hate that.

If someone makes it past all that, they might just be able to be my friend for like 3-6 months before something awful happens.

This seems to be story of my life !!! But after many boyfriends and arguements with this current one I have decided I don't wana lose him so I have left my phone in my room n went out without it in a attempt to stop me from looking and obsessing with my phone all the time ... Third week of doing so and am getting used to it. Can't say il be like this permanently but I certainly feel less stressed
Out. I've also concentrated more so on myself instead of everything in a relationship. Hope this helps cxxxx

[Achy Turtle Armor]

Originally Posted by muaythailady88

This seems to be story of my life !!! But after many boyfriends and arguements with this current one I have decided I don't wana lose him so I have left my phone in my room n went out without it in a attempt to stop me from looking and obsessing with my phone all the time ... Third week of doing so and am getting used to it. Can't say il be like this permanently but I certainly feel less stressed
Out. I've also concentrated more so on myself instead of everything in a relationship. Hope this helps cxxxx

Good job. Way to be in the present.

>>>Sent by me from me.

[Trippin2.0]

Over the past year or so, I've taken to chucking my phone in a drawer (off or on, off when I'm super angry and want to spew vitriol at my bf ) and leaving it there for hours... I leave the house, and do my best to forget it exists.

It has become easier to do, because its helped me to feel empowered. As said above, it definitly is a way to feel and be less stressed, secondly, when thAt text or call does come through, I go "sorry I missed your call babe I was busy, maybe next time"... do you have any idea how frucking fantastic that feels???

To be the one with the power to make or break plans, instead of the one helplessly waiting for the phone to ring or dialling his number incessantly like a bloody lunatic?

Its Omgawesome!!!

This has not been an easy practice to partake in, at first I could only go an hour max without retrieving my phone, but it gets easier each time, and now I manage to go for long stretches without my phone. Thus I experience longer stretches free of obsessing.

And over time, it does become a more natural response, and doesn't feel forced at all.

I unfortunately have no advice wrt strangers, I've never become hung up on someone I don't know, not since after age 15 anyway... Sounds horribly rough though I know it would bring a whole different level of turmoil for me as it would automatically include a shyt ton of self-loathing for me personally.

I hope you learn how to deal with this effectively soon.

[Achy Turtle Armor]

I love when I get great ideas here!

>>>Sent by me from me.