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#1
Jul 14, 2014, 02:07 PM
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I think it's okay to not agree to do something that I really don't want to do.
I'm trying so hard to practice "Radical Acceptance". It's okay to not do everything I am asked to do. Just because someone asks me to do something does not mean that I have to do it. Right? This is new and hard for me. I feel like my worth is all in what everyone else thinks of me. I want my worth to be what I think of me. Is that okay? |
 Anonymous100185, Fuzzybear, waggiedog, waiting4
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#2
Jul 14, 2014, 03:02 PM
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Is it OK not to do everything you are asked to do?? You betcha. It will feel uncomfortable saying 'No" at first but it gets easier.
Someone once told me that 'No' is a complete sentence! You don't ever have to say 'Sorry'. 
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 waggiedog
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#3
Jul 14, 2014, 03:10 PM
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Completely - and for whatever it's worth, i find the Radical Acceptance part of DBT especially stupid. My mind won't work like that. But who cares right?
Gradually though, through DBT or not you'll find your way. As we get older we have less tolerance for the same old crap we're put through. It's natural to want our own lives and to make our own decisions. It's just that for whatever reason, you're not be able to give yourself more fully to such an idea yet. You WILL though. I used to hate being honest with people or saying more how i felt rather than what they wanted to hear. I'm still not a 'manipulator' but i'm just too tired and hard bitten to be far less than direct these days. We DO change, maybe not massively, or quickly enough, but i've noticed a difference in myself despite having had a terrible time of it and still being only 23. Keep on keeping on 
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| jean17, waggiedog, waiting4
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#4
Jul 14, 2014, 06:30 PM
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What you want is important too.
Radical Acceptance: It will be ok when I say no. Other people may be disappointed with it, and that is a normal experience for everyone. I can't change how other people feel, but I can decide if I let it define who I am. edit - I say 'No' a lot, and I used to pretend instead that I didn't want, need or care for anyone who had a problem with my 'No'. Its easy to say no like that... saying no to the people you do want and need is the hard part. It's still hard.
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Wifey, artist, daydreamer. Last edited by Kimaya; Jul 14, 2014 at 06:32 PM. Reason: edit - additional info. |
| jean17, waggiedog
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#5
Jul 14, 2014, 07:43 PM
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Quote:
__________________
I have learned that i and i alone am responsible for my happiness, most people these days are as reliable as wet toilet paper!  
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| jean17, waggiedog
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#6
Jul 14, 2014, 10:03 PM
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I can't even begin to get my head around this...
I even preempt what people may want of me and try and do that! I don't know why or where it came from, i didn't even realise I did it for a long time! But I have no idea how to stop... I would have to recognise it when it's happening and I am not sure I could... I look at other people sticking up for their own rights and no one bats an eyelid so it is OKAY.... And it is RIGHT.... It's just about learning how I should think
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MZG |
| jean17, waggiedog
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#7
Jul 16, 2014, 11:29 AM
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Thanks SO much for all the feedback. Everything was so helpful. What you all said really helped me understand myself a little bit more. Thanks.
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#8
Jul 16, 2014, 02:16 PM
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Jean, I completely know where you are coming from. Not only is it okay to say "no", sometimes it is necessary to do so. Hang in there. You can do it.
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I have heard about your "normal" and it does not sound like fun to me. |
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#9
Jul 16, 2014, 02:37 PM
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__________________
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#10
Jul 16, 2014, 03:21 PM
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  Well, I've been through intensive one to one DBT for BPD. Also recently a four month weekly 2hour group therapy which addressed especially this issue. After that little lot I STILL find it extremely difficult to say no, in any of it's shapes or forms. When I do take a polite stand, I'll end up going back on my word and change my mind. Guess I've been brought up to be a total people pleaser, and I see this in action every day by the person who taught me to do it!!!!! HUGS. XXXXXXXXXXXXX k
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