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  #1  
Old Aug 23, 2014, 08:56 PM
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waiting4 waiting4 is offline
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Location: las vegas
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And I can't seem to stop it. It keeps coming in waves.....and I'm drowning in it....

I alternately want to pull every hair out of my head, and crawl between snarled sheets and just frucking cry and cry and cry......

Been so long since such a melt down....and my kids are coming over tonight...wothehell....do I claim allergies again for the puffy eyes? Do I cancel......again?????

I hate me. I hate me. I hate me.

God it's so awful.

I'm drowning.
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  #2  
Old Aug 23, 2014, 09:03 PM
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Travelinglady Travelinglady is offline
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Hi, waiting4. I am sorry you are so depressed. Are you seeing a professional about it? Then I suggest you call and let him/her know how bad things are getting. I don't like to be with myself when I am depressed either.

Yes, you can claim allergies again if your kids are too young to understand that mom is upset about something.
Thanks for this!
waiting4
  #3  
Old Aug 23, 2014, 09:10 PM
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haleylaurel haleylaurel is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by waiting4 View Post
And I can't seem to stop it. It keeps coming in waves.....and I'm drowning in it....

I alternately want to pull every hair out of my head, and crawl between snarled sheets and just frucking cry and cry and cry......

Been so long since such a melt down....and my kids are coming over tonight...wothehell....do I claim allergies again for the puffy eyes? Do I cancel......again?????

I hate me. I hate me. I hate me.

God it's so awful.

I'm drowning.

i feel the same.
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desperately trying not to drown
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waiting4
  #4  
Old Aug 23, 2014, 10:20 PM
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waiting4 waiting4 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Travelinglady View Post
Hi, waiting4. I am sorry you are so depressed. Are you seeing a professional about it? Then I suggest you call and let him/her know how bad things are getting. I don't like to be with myself when I am depressed either.

Yes, you can claim allergies again if your kids are too young to understand that mom is upset about something.
She's out of town. Can't see until next week. and I'm not important enough to bother her.

My kids are older so they will know unless I lie. So I lie. I lie because the truth hurts more....

And yet, I know they will know it's a lie so we will get to spend that awkward moment where no one actually says what's happening. That mom is losing it again.

horrible horrible horrible horrible horrible....is there a chant I haven't said, trying to purge this??????????? damnit
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Sometimes the opening of wings is more frightening than the challenge against gravity. Both make you free..............the secret is perception.
  #5  
Old Aug 23, 2014, 10:24 PM
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waiting4 waiting4 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by haleylaurel View Post
i feel the same.


I'm sorry. It should only be me. I hate that it's anyone else. And I don't understand that in some ways it's nice that its someone else too....because I hate to be me. And I would never wish anyone to be me.
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Sometimes the opening of wings is more frightening than the challenge against gravity. Both make you free..............the secret is perception.
  #6  
Old Aug 24, 2014, 10:26 AM
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sideblinded sideblinded is offline
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Member Since: Jul 2014
Location: Iowa
Posts: 5,331
Hey waiting4

I am so sorry to hear that you are feeling so awful. You have helped me on here tremendously. You are an asset here.

I have been there so many times. I care about you and I will pray for you. (I hope this does not offend you.) Please hang in there as it will pass as it always does.

Please take care!

MDD
ADHD
GAD
Thanks for this!
waiting4
  #7  
Old Aug 24, 2014, 10:55 AM
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Pierro Pierro is offline
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Member Since: Oct 2012
Location: IRELAND
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waiting4
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"The two most important days in your life are the day you were born.... and the day you find out why"

~ Mark Twain
Thanks for this!
waiting4
  #8  
Old Aug 25, 2014, 02:43 PM
Anonymous100185
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Thanks for this!
waiting4
  #9  
Old Aug 25, 2014, 11:40 PM
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aprillynn197 aprillynn197 is offline
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Member Since: Aug 2014
Posts: 451
I have extreme self loathing for many reasons. I can understand how you feel and how hard it is to deal when you feel that way. Be strong for your children. Thats what I try to do, I have 4. They do catch on to your pain. Hang in there
Thanks for this!
waiting4
  #10  
Old Aug 27, 2014, 05:56 PM
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Trippin2.0 Trippin2.0 is offline
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Member Since: May 2010
Location: Cape Town South Africa
Posts: 11,937
I didn't know what to say when you posted, and honestly still don't know, but I couldn't say nothing either.

Doesn't feel right at all...

Know that I hear you, that I've been there, and that it does and will get better.
Just keep holding on, life is overwhelming enough as it is, so take it one breath at a time, 1 baby step at a time, placing 1 foot infront of the other....


Please remember to be kind to yourself during this time, treat waiting4 as you would a dear friend.
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DXD BP1, BPD & OCPD

"The best way to make it through with hearts and wrists in tact, is to realise, two out of three aint bad" FOB...
Thanks for this!
waiting4
  #11  
Old Aug 30, 2014, 01:14 AM
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waiting4 waiting4 is offline
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Location: las vegas
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I appreciate everyone that posted. I'm better now...have come back and posted on some threads. It does help to try to help others or try to support.

Those who posted support here or offered hugs (particularly those who are uncomfortable offering hugs ever--you know who you are) Thank you.... I'm still wounded but I'm trying. It just gets so damn overwhelming sometimes .... Thank you all for understanding, and affirming why I need this site.

When my T is unavailable....you are. It means a lot.
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Sometimes the opening of wings is more frightening than the challenge against gravity. Both make you free..............the secret is perception.
  #12  
Old Aug 30, 2014, 01:20 AM
Onward2wards Onward2wards is offline
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Member Since: Jun 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 2,283
((((( waiting4 )))))

If a small child was overwhelmed at the prospect of the first day at a new school, would you yell at them for not being composed, then yell at them some more for crying at being yelled at, OR would you sit them down, comfort them, and explain "well hon, look at it this way..."?

What if you are the small child right now?
Thanks for this!
waiting4
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