[jeremiahgirl]

Hello fellow friends with BPD since I was dx with BPD almost 5 years ago when I'm really stressed out and just not functioning well I try to reach out to my therapist and feel "I'm just not feeling heard!!!" I'm not mad at him, I'm frustrated because I feel I can't convey my feelings or emotions at that time or season. This feeling has been very consistent with me when I'm very frustrated with having this dx. Yet I some way I believe it goes back to my childhood and the lack of nurturing I didn't receive from my mother. I rant and rage in my mind with this frustration and was wondering if anyone else struggles with this same void when frustrated. I guess in some way it comes from not being heard or believed as a child.

[kaliope]

you don't have to be bpd to be frustrated over not feeling heard. it is just really aggravating to be trying your best to express yourself and your voice just not be getting thru. it makes me want to scream and shake somebody. I wasn't allowed to voice myself as a kid either. wasn't allowed feelings. just learning how to talk about these things. take care

[Crazy Hitch]

My T and I were talking about an interesting concept today. We were going through patterns of my behavior when I've acted like a "child" and she was explaining how an "adult" would react. She a likened it to a child throwing a tantrum to get attention, which can cause others in my life to go down to "child" level or respond to me at a "parent" level. She said it's going to take some time to train me how to react in an "adult" manner more consistently when faced with adverse reactions.

When I go into "child" mode I act out especially when I feel like I'm not being heard. I can yell. Or sulk and walk away.

Sorry just absolutely ignore the above if it doesn't fit but what you said reminds me of myself.

I really agree with you that if you lacked the nurturing and weren't believed as a child - it is definitely a rationale behind your feelings. I think you need to tell your T in person almost exactly what you have written here. You will need some time to work through this issue presenting now but stemming from your past because if not your T, who's next?

Be well and know that things can change.

[Side of the Angels]

I can identify. I deal with this very thing with my husband a lot. Other people also, and it is different, if I go to a medical office or for example an insurance office, and they interrupt me or do not acknowledge the one thing I say or answer the one question I want an answer too, I snap, there is a switch and I go into ***** mode and I treat them like crap. It is so frustrating, it happens when I do not really expect it, and I have NO tools for coping with frustration on this level. People do not understand when I get that way, my family knows I do it and my kids even fear I will do it at the grocery store and embarrass them. Other ppl say it is no big deal, let it go blhahlhlhlhlhl My husband has said things about it and I hate that it is a part of me that I cannot turn off. What I think you are talking about though, is speaking with a loved one and they are not getting what you are saying or literally NOT LISTENING. Which is the case with my normy husband. It is a huge complaint of mine. He knows it,.. He even posted on Facebook the other day a meme about a wife not being listened to and he wrote some idiotic comment about how he is guilty of that and that his wife hates it. Yeah I f u cking hate it you never listen to me dickface. Anyway, when I know he is not listening the same reaction happens. Rage. I try to insult to get a reaction sometimes. I pull away. I decide to leave him. I have the most fantastic fantasies about having affairs with a listening person and leaving him alone with nothing. After I calm down I realize EVERY time how idiotic and childish I am and then I feel a bit guilty and very very sorry for him having to put up with me. I am intolerable. I need tools to deal with this broken part of me.

[jeremiahgirl]

Thanks for the replies... I realized something yesterday that has me rather frustrated (meaning I want to control) the situation. After posted I asked myself "Why does this same stupid question come up when I'm feeling 'I'm not getting heard???.' I was upset and then bing a light bulb went off in my head" You say this because when you were being sexually abused you did tell your mother but she didn't hear you!!!!!!!!!! Now I'm left with this new discovery irritating me, frustrating me and also I have questions popping in my head WHY??? WHY??!!! I called my T and he said, before it didn't make sense until you were ready to see it. He believes things are coming to a head. I'm just getting tired of stuffing these emotions. Having BPD I just don't know how to handle things in a calming way. I'm mad too because often T's want you to use or learn DBT SKILLS why do I have to learn them let others learn it!! So as you can see I'm no happy..my emotions are up and down and at that there is no one else who knows about the trauma I've endured as a child except my T! My family at least my sister doesn't want to hear about it. So it's like walking around with a smelly garbage bag on your back. yet I can't force others to accept my grap! So I'm feeling lost and overwhelmed. JG

[Side of the Angels]

I am SO gad you are making progress and working through these thigns with your T! I am not, I am happily ignoring symptoms and stuffing currently. At least I am back on this site for now tho, and hearing about these kinds of things from people who are actively recovering from BPD make it a little easier and motivate me. Thank you.

Originally Posted by jeremiahgirl

Thanks for the replies... I realized something yesterday that has me rather frustrated (meaning I want to control) the situation. After posted I asked myself "Why does this same stupid question come up when I'm feeling 'I'm not getting heard???.' I was upset and then bing a light bulb went off in my head" You say this because when you were being sexually abused you did tell your mother but she didn't hear you!!!!!!!!!! Now I'm left with this new discovery irritating me, frustrating me and also I have questions popping in my head WHY??? WHY??!!! I called my T and he said, before it didn't make sense until you were ready to see it. He believes things are coming to a head. I'm just getting tired of stuffing these emotions. Having BPD I just don't know how to handle things in a calming way. I'm mad too because often T's want you to use or learn DBT SKILLS why do I have to learn them let others learn it!! So as you can see I'm no happy..my emotions are up and down and at that there is no one else who knows about the trauma I've endured as a child except my T! My family at least my sister doesn't want to hear about it. So it's like walking around with a smelly garbage bag on your back. yet I can't force others to accept my grap! So I'm feeling lost and overwhelmed. JG