[NoChildSupport]

I haven't talked to my older cousin in a while. It's like being away from my own mother. I miss her very much. I don't want things to be horribly negative like they were before. I want to set some boundaries but I'm not sure exactly how to do that. I think maybe instead of having direct conversations, we can remain in touch just by sending things like quotes or scriptures (we both believe in God & Jesus) & short messages that will make each other feel better during the day. I am not going to confide or spill my sorrows into her. That only led to chaos. I am not going to complain, that only led to her ignoring me for hours to days. I also feel like I should set a limit on the times I text her. Maybe once in the morning, late afternoon & then at night? I feel like this will really help our relationship get better & back to the way it used to be.

Maybe there are some other boundaries I can set or some more things to look out for? Especially for when I see her when I go back to live with my dad.

How can I help myself when she takes to long to reply to something or seems like she's too busy for me or she's having too much fun with someone else to pay attention to me & remember that I exist? I know it sounds ridiculous but these are the things I get over emotional about. I'm extremely jealous. And ever since the time she ignored me for 10 days straight, I've gotten paranoid over her doing it again.

[dancinglady]

I think you are still in the grieving process if accepting this relationship is over. I think you are in the bargaining stage of the grief process. Let her make the first move and then discuss all of this with her.

[NoChildSupport]

Originally Posted by dancinglady

I think you are still in the grieving process if accepting this relationship is over. I think you are in the bargaining stage of the grief process. Let her make the first move and then discuss all of this with her.

I would but if I wait for her to do it, I'll be waiting forever. Last year when we lost contact, she didn't make an attempt to get back in contact with me. She sent a few messages to an old number I deleted & that was it. She never did any things else or ask my dad about me or anything. I just have to accept that if I'm going to talk to her, I'll most likely be putting in most of the effort. If I stop contacting her, she will never reach out to me. I've always had to initiate things to maintain contact.
It won't be so bad. I won't smother her. I'll do my best to maintain the relationship & keep it positive & remind myself not to expect much back in return from her. I just can't cut off contact forever. It's like losing a parent or a childhood friend.

[Rainydaiz]

I'm sorry that you're hurting so much. Do you have a therapist? Sending hugs.

[NoChildSupport]

No unfortunately I still don't have a therapist.

[shezbut]

It sounds to me as though you are just now coming to see the reality of the situation, and you're trying to still get what you can out of the relationship. Like...you're trying to bargain. But, part of you is also aware that your cousin is unwilling to "give a little".

That is sad. I'm sorry. I wish that we wouldn't need to have these sad and cruel truths to deal with in life, but, we do. The Q is: How willing are you able to give to this relationship, without hurting yourself (your values) in the process?

[NoChildSupport]

I want to give this up. I tried again. She's barely talked to me. She doesn't answer her phone or text back. I've sent her several texts that I thought might be helpful. I have a list of other things that I will send to her all at once. Maybe they will help her feel better when she gets mad or something. But it's obvious I'm not a priority. It really hurts. I'm ending it again. I will not call her on Christmas. I will see if she calls me and I'll really see how important I am to her then.

[Fuzzybear]

[Rainydaiz]

Originally Posted by NoChildSupport

No unfortunately I still don't have a therapist.

Is it a possibility that you could see a therapist? I know not everybody can; or wants to, so forgive me if it's not for you. If not, have you any other support? I really feel for you and wish I could help you more. I have had very painful attachments to older women all my life. Now I'm exploring why in therapy as I have attached in the same way to my therapist. The pain is excruciating and I know you're different and your pain is different but I empathise. Be kind to yourself. Sending lots of hugs.

[Crazy Hitch]

Hi NoChildSupport

I know how hard this whole situation has been on you and what a toll it has taken on you emotionally and I am sorry for that.

It's so hard to accept when someone does not reciprocate what we give and I am sure that you do have a lot to offer your cousin.

But unfortunately for whatever reason she is not being responsive.

My suggestion would be, go back to your original decision.

Previously you had posted that you would not make contact with her.

Then you recanted this decision, contacted her, she didn't contact you back, you got upset, and so the cycle continued.

And it will keep continuing.

It just doesn't sound to me as if your cousin is ready to meet you half way - and that's a shame because she could be missing out on something valuable that you have to give.

Maybe it's time to step aside, not away, just step aside, and let her make contact with you.

I hope that this all works out for you.