[AzulOscuro]

Hi!
I'm looking for people who can relate to me.
I think I became an avoidant because of my borderline traits. I mean, I felt rejection, I felt that I couldn't conect with people without feeling hurt and without messing things up.
I think this is the reason that lead me to avoid social situations.
In therapy, I came across to a sensation that I had. As I had a strenght inside me, a strenght I had to keep under control to avoid damage in my self or others.

Have you got a similar story or can you feel related to something I'm saying?

Thanks in advance!

[CANDC]

Sorry to hear you are suffering from avoidant traits. I can get like that too.

Many people who are actively involved in Psych Central find it helps take them out of their own problems to develop empathy for others. And their problems though still there are more manageable. There are lots of compassionate people here that can make the load lighter by sharing and caring. Feel free to participate actively at Psych Central.

Some people find the forums give them the compassion and empathy they seek. http://forums.psychcentral.com

Please feel free to private message me or any of the Community Liaisons by left clicking on the name in blue to the left of their post) for questions or just to share.

[dancinglady]

Yes I have totally isolated myself from the outside world. I come on here very infrequently. My experience is when I try to help others here people don't understand what I am saying so I am met with these "empathetic and compassionate" people and their projected anger. They are angry at others and take it out on me. Mainly I am old enough to be most members mother so I get a lot of projected anger. They are angry at their authority figures or mothers and they projected onto me. I don't give advice anymore I just read and "it is what it is". Everything is as it should be. I could help but they do not want it. Good luck.

[AzulOscuro]

I feel the same. I have read your posts and I like them. I mean, I don't feel bad with you and I'm sure many other people think the same.

Dancinglady, I'm sure you can help many people as you say, you are old and made a long row so your experiences can be very helpfull for other people.
I never saw any bad in your posts or a different intention to help other people.

[AzulOscuro]

Originally Posted by CANDC

Sorry to hear you are suffering from avoidant traits. I can get like that too.

Many people who are actively involved in Psych Central find it helps take them out of their own problems to develop empathy for others. And their problems though still there are more manageable. There are lots of compassionate people here that can make the load lighter by sharing and caring. Feel free to participate actively at Psych Central.

Some people find the forums give them the compassion and empathy they seek. http://forums.psychcentral.com

Please feel free to private message me or any of the Community Liaisons by left clicking on the name in blue to the left of their post) for questions or just to share.

I'm here CADC. Indeed, I have two forums to take all this out: the avoidant and the borderline. I'm little by little taking my avoidant skill out and knowing myself better. I think I have many borderline characteristics: the way of thinking, the way of feeling, the way of messing things up...

[dancinglady]

I think my experiences are outdated and really no longer valid. There are new treatments and better outlook for BPD sufferers. Professional opinions have changed. If you go to one that does not have this new outlook RUN like a dog OUT of HE**.

My advice get into treatment move if you have to, DO what therapists tell YOU to do, follow the programs, practice practice practice your skills on an hourly basis. Be honest with your treatment team. DONT play any games. STOP the behaviors CHECK yourself watch yourself. Only control yourself and STOP worrying about other people act. Take advantage of newer better life opportunities new jobs new training new financial aid for education. Go on the system while you are getting better.

There is no hope for us oldies. Our choices are significantly decreased due to age. When I was your age everyone believed this condition had a very poor prognosis so there were no services except crisis there was no financial aid etc.

[AzulOscuro]

What age do you think I am? I'm 43. I have being working on cognitive and then cognitive behavioural therapy for my avoidant traits.

Thank you for your advises. I will go to therapy on May, 5th. I'll talk to my therspist about what kind of therapy we are going to follow and I will be as sincere as possible.

[dancinglady]

I was talking about all the people here not specifically you. The post was for everyone. I did not know how old you were but most of the people I have talked to here are mostly under 30 some even teenagers.

[Living Dead Guy]

It looks like I'm a bit late to this one but I'll share none the less. I've been avoidant or rather a shut in for almost 10 years now, my only contact with people is with my wife and daughter, online were I mainly lurk, and at work were there is only 1 other person, who doesn't talk at all.

It was never a conscious decision but rather something that grew gradually with me entirely unaware that it was happening. Every person I became close to left or died. The people who were acquaintances or coworkers continually put me down, invalidating my opinions or beliefs. So I stopped trying. I've never seen it as a strength (and I don't mean to invalidate your belief that it is, it is not my point of view) but rather a weakness, I see people in the shows I watch and in all of the books I read. All of them seem to be able to connect with others without regard for the consequences. Every relationship is doomed to fail, we all die so it will end in death if not sooner by the betraying hands of those we trusted. Is it a strength then to be able to accept the pain knowingly or is it simply an unawareness of the pain to come, a hope perhaps that they die first so as not to feel the inevitable suffering.

As for myself, I chose to limit my suffering to two cases and hope that I die first.

I can relate to how you feel dancinglady. I have often shared personal experiences and tried to help those who I see to be in pain. Mostly I seem to go ignored, unacknowledged by any. The few times that I have been quoted it is often to tell me I'm wrong. It seems that I have an uncanny knack for being able to express myself in a way that others can understand which is why I mostly lurk, unseen, hiding in the shadows, were I get neither the acknowledgment I seek nor the rebuffs I fear most. Instead I embrace the emptiness that I have become.

[AzulOscuro]

Yeah, it's not a strenght. Perhaps, my avoidance saved me lots of problems in the past. But this is for sure a lose-lose situation.

This strenght I mention can be my borderline traits. You know too much sensitiveness, impulsiviness, wrong thinking patters...I think that I was making me a favour and others in avoiding but I don't want to be an avoidant anymore.
Life, people are too much marvellous for me to lose them.

I need to manage this strenght to take something good from it.

Thanks for you reply!

[dancinglady]

People here have "good or bad and all or nothing" thinking. What I have learned is several of the loudest critics here are usually in the black, bad or nothing mood. When I read that I am wrong I just
1) consider the source
2) read it like a professional would
3) realize people here are not recovered
4) determine that they may be seeing things in the all bad, negative or black way of thinking
5) let it go can't change their opinion anymore that they can change my experience
6) move in
The problem I see is that the loudest critics keep coming on here with the same problems repeatedly. I hate to watch them suffer but if they are not doing what their professionals nor their online support is telling them then they just need to hit their bottom and then start over. I can help anyone that truly does not want help. I have used this forum as a "*****" session to share my pain. Others do too.

[AzulOscuro]

Yeah, I agree. But, on the other hand, I see many posters who are on your side. That is, there are dealing very well with their issues.

I know what you mean. I'm learning now about this disorder a lot. I also want to make a thread about hidden symptoms. I read them in a Spanish article made by a Spanish doctor who is very well known here for studying personality disorders.

People with borderline personality disorder tend to see all in back and white bc it's a defence mechanism learnt from childhood to cope with the world in a safer way. To distinguish between bad and good. It's also understandable.

It sometimes very difficult to help but I'm very gratefull that you are here talking with me in this thread.

[dancinglady]

I took Spanish for four years and can only speak very few words.

[AzulOscuro]

Don't worry. I can teach you.

[AzulOscuro]

I was reading about this disorder. It's incredible the great amount of Literature written about borderline disorder.
I can see myself related to many of the things I read. I'm a bit scared, I'm not gonna lie. I'm not a girl and there is so much work for me to do.

Perhaps, I'm wrong. But, this strenght I was talking in the post above...I think I identified this strenght. I think it was, it is my real self.
Not sure, perhaps I only saying nonsenses...I have so many things in my head now that it will take to me a time to order them.

[T.D.K]

it describes me, borderline made me have avoidant ever since i was a kid 4 years old i would just hide behind my mom when guests show up

overly sensitive,black and white thinking and fear of ppl telling me no is all me. it took me a while to find these disorders but im hoping to get rid of them !