How do you deal with tasks you don't like?

Hello Everyone,
Procrastination has always been something I excel at, I think having the combination of BPD and ADHD makes this a given sometimes.

I have come a long way in my therapy. I am not at a point where I can work on some of the other things in my personality that I couldn't really tackle before.

I want to work on complaining less about things I cannot control. I know how to use my DBT skills to accept this things for what they are. In a way it's hard though as my old brain is so used to complaining about them that it is a lot of work to shut the voice up in my head that complains. For example, there is a part of my job that I really don't like. It is something that creates a lot of work for me, and something that we are not measured on and it frustrates me. What has caused me a lot of misery in the past is that I have to over think about these things...I see how stupid it is and it angers me. So, now when I receive an email from a client about it, or a new client who is inquiring about it, etc...I feel the anger bottling up. I used to always say in my head "damn it, I hate this stupid program, why do people have to come in for this, why can't they give us credit for it, I could be doing something else right now...etc". So now, when I get an email/inquiry etc..I (a) recognize the physical feeling of anger (b) name it (c) take a deep breath (d) tell my self I cannot change it, it is what it is (e) get to work on it....I am hoping that by doing this I will change my thought process regarding it over time.

What things do you guys do in order to not get angry when you have to deal with things that frustrate you? (Such as traffic jams, line-ups, cleaning, etc?)

Thanks
Misfit

Procrastination has always been a problem for me. The biggest things for me are cleaning and exercising. I love when the house is clean and know it can affect my mood when it's very untidy. That said, I can just leave it as it is and procrastinate about doing it 'tomorrow'. I sometimes try something I heard on the radio once. It's to time myself. How much can I get done in 10 minutes 15 etc or even 2. Now, I can't always do it but yesterday, I did 4 hours. That's a marathon in house cleaning terms for me. I used to be better at using this system but I think it really depends on where I'm at. I felt great yesterday and feeling the benefit today also. Exercise, on the other hand is an area that I'm struggling with at the moment.

Nicky123 that sounds a really helpful idea thank you. i always put off housework

Hey Misfit,

I am happy to hear that DBT is teaching you to approach some of these issues! I am in DBT currently and I am just starting to see the benefits. Lets keep at it!

You said, ...I am curious how having ADHD effects your ability to commit to tasks and follow them through. I don't know much about ADHD but I am intrigued! Please share!

I have to say that I struggle ALOT with procrastination as well. Currently I am supposed to be doing something and I have pushed it off for over a week. Because of this - I have a weeks worth of work to do in three days. I don't think I can get it done - but you know what: I will suspect self judgments and remind myself that I have been suffering and that I would have got to it had I really needed to. However, now that I need to get it done and the pressure is on - I no longer have a choice and it has added a huge amount of stress to the mix... Being mindful of how my procrastination negatively influences my stress levels and paying close attention to my desire to NOT do something or to QUIT when I do not enjoy it - helps me to make decisions that benefit me in the long term. Like how Nicky123 mentioned that a clean house effects mood - we can logically convince ourselves that cleaning the house is the best course of action in all areas except the short term.

The whole idea of immediate gratification versus long term benefits... In order to break the cycle we must first - break the cycle. It is truly THAT simple (minus the battle to find the inner strength necessary to do it). Once we realize the long term benefits far outweigh the short term rewards - procrastinating will seem less and less like the more favorable decision to make. Another DBT skill that comes in handy is doing a PROS and CONS list. Just be sure to pay careful attention the long term and short term details! That is where you will most likely find the answer to your problem with procrastinating / willfulness.

I have only been through one full module so far and one of the things I did learn was the willfulness / willingness piece... I find that in order for me to literally do a task - I absolutely must take some time for myself and self sooth - or do something nice for myself - PRIOR to doing it the task. If it is a seriously undesirable task (which I have in my life currently RIGHT now) I find that I avoid and avoid and avoid and tell myself tomorrow is the day - then I never do it. I found that in order for me to begin something I do not enjoy - the best way is to start it with the idea that I am NOT forced to do it all at once. That I can take as many breaks as I want and that I am the one who is in charge and that all the pressure comes from me. Ultimately - learning to shut up and do the task - priorities being the central focus - leads to the best outcome. (in my experience) As far as continuing to avoid - I don't think that is inherently any more of less a problem for you and I.

Thanks,
HD

Traffic jams - I always have good tunes on my iPhone that can be played through the bluetooth in my car when need be

Cleaning - I have my vacuum plugged into an extension permanently behind a couch in the corner of the lounge - when an ad comes on I'll jump up vacuum carpets in lounge. Watch rest of series. Ad comes on, quickly vacuum diningroom repeat repeat hahaha really

Line-ups - I never go shopping during peak hours.

I've also learnt to somehow "let go" of things that just aren't worth me getting stressed about. Things that stressed me in the past? Toilet seats being left up....etc....don't bother me anymore.

I LOVE this thread.

There's always so much I can learn from others.

Because sometimes when I least expect it something new comes up and I'm like grrrr and I haven't thought of it before so it's good if I'm not caught off guard if I have something that I can learn from others.

So thanks for putting this out there

LoL Hooligan, I just got that image in my head of you jumping up at the ad breaks to vacuum, it's a great idea. I usually go to the kitchen for snacks during the ads so it might cut that out AND I will have clean floors!!!!!

Hi Guys,
Thanks for the responses. I have found lots of things like what you mentioned help. I can't remember if I mentioned that I put headphones in my purse-that way the grocery store is far less painful...(crappy grocery store music just makes it so much more worse..). I tend to "over think" things (really...someone with BPD overthings! lol). If something doesn't make sense...or is a waste of time etc, I have trouble dealing with it. I think it goes to the whole justice thing...everything needs to make sense and have a purpose and align to my values. The thing that bothers me a lot that I have to do in my job doesn't align to this-I see it was a waste of time and feel it's unfair that we have to spend so much time on it yet are not measured for it. I am learning to just let it go. It is what it is and I cannot change it.