[kamikazebaby]

I'm reminded of something I've always wondered. I've often read how people get attached to their therapists, even to the point of it causing a problem for them. But I have never felt attached to any of mine, even after seeing them regularly for a year or more. I don't miss them when I leave them behind. Anyone else fail to attach or care about their therapist(s)?

[yagr]

Originally Posted by kamikazebaby

Anyone else fail to attach or care about their therapist(s)?

*raises hand*

[kamikazebaby]

Originally Posted by yagr

*raises hand*

Do you have any thoughts about why you don't?

[The_little_didgee]

I'm a bit attached to my therapist, but not to the point where I think and obsess about her when I am not in her office. I don't idolize her and live through her. She doesn't really exist in the real world, because I don't interact with her the way I do with others out here.

I'm very independent, so I never felt much of need to form unhealthy attachments. My close relationships with my mother and grandmother in childhood probably explains some of it along with my autism.

[HD7970GHZ]

I have been attached in a matter of hours. One therapist I knew for 2 hours and I cried seeing her go... It hurt.

Every other therapist I get so hurt. I miss them soooo much. I just want them to hug me and tell me everything will be okay. I usually have a teddy bear that I hug when feeling sad and alone. I miss my T so bad sometimes I want to die. I cannot stop thinking about her. I fall in love with my Therapists very easily.

Oh the pain.

[yagr]

Originally Posted by kamikazebaby

Do you have any thoughts about why you don't?

Well, I'm pretty selective about the people I get attached to in the first place. Even still, getting attached to someone who you have to pay to spend time with you is disturbing. I mean, the list is pretty small. 1) Prostitutes 2) Lawyers 3) Therapists...

[kamikazebaby]

Originally Posted by yagr

Well, I'm pretty selective about the people I get attached to in the first place. Even still, getting attached to someone who you have to pay to spend time with you is disturbing. I mean, the list is pretty small. 1) Prostitutes 2) Lawyers 3) Therapists...

I've always thought the same thing, but when you think about it, we "pay" other people in our lives as well. Just in less tangible ways.

[YMIHere]

I've had many therapists but none that I feel I've clicked with like this one. I've got a bit of a doey dyed crush on him ATM, but not ready to confess that one to him yet.

I have a friend who works in the mental health field and when I told her that she was like, "Oh so what's a little bit of transference?!?"

Not ready to bring it up YET but I have an idea how I would....

"Congrats! You have succeeded in bringing me to the stage of transference! So what are we going to do with this?" LOL. Or some such corny nonsense to take the edge off but get it out there.

[kamikazebaby]

Originally Posted by YMIHere

I've had many therapists but none that I feel I've clicked with like this one. I've got a bit of a doey dyed crush on him ATM, but not ready to confess that one to him yet.

I have a friend who works in the mental health field and when I told her that she was like, "Oh so what's a little bit of transference?!?"

Not ready to bring it up YET but I have an idea how I would....

"Congrats! You have succeeded in bringing me to the stage of transference! So what are we going to do with this?" LOL. Or some such corny nonsense to take the edge off but get it out there.

That's just it. Transference seems to be such a THING, I sometimes wonder if it's supposed to happen and if it doesn't, it's indicative of...what? I wonder if it's a stumbling block or not.

[YMIHere]

Originally Posted by kamikazebaby

That's just it. Transference seems to be such a THING, I sometimes wonder if it's supposed to happen and if it doesn't, it's indicative of...what? I wonder if it's a stumbling block or not.

It's weird because he's not physically attractive per se. Kinda reminds me of a better looking Stephen King lol, but looks have never mattered much to me. He has a peaceful calm that I just want to breathe in all day. That ought to make it easier to confess someday. It's not like I keep picturing him naked or anything lol.

I didn't know transference was a "thing" until I Googled, "I have a crush in my therapist " lol.

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[Cassy12]

After seeing my therapist every week for a year, I have finally in the past couple of weeks begun to let him in. I still go back and forth with it, but I don't feel like I could walk away and be like 'whatever'. I don't feel as powerful so I'm not sure I'll stick with it.

[BadWolfC]

I've never gotten attached. Then again, most therapists I've seen in the past I ended up really disliking. The one I have presently is the only good one I've ever had, but I'm still not attached at all. Though, I tend to view listening to people's problems as common courtesy, so that may be part of it.

[Random]

I've never been attached. I've had some therapists I like more than others but really, the only time I get upset when a therapist leaves is I have to start over from the beginning with a new one. But generally, they're like all other doctors to me, great when they're good, a hassle to get a new one but other than that? It matters not to me. I think it's generally healthy to not get attached to therapists. For me anyway, it would be troubling if I wanted to have sex with or be best friends forever with my therapist. I would start worrying about what if they think poorly of me and trying to make myself look better than trying to be honest about my issues.

I am not attached to mine. I see her a lot, but don't miss her when I am away from her.

[YMIHere]

Originally Posted by Random

For me anyway, it would be troubling if I wanted to have sex with or be best friends forever with my therapist. I would start worrying about what if they think poorly of me and trying to make myself look better than trying to be honest about my issues.

I've thought about this as well. I haven't really thought about sex with him. It's just that I get a little giddy when I think of seeing him. Feels literally like a school girl crush. And I'm EXTREMELY comfortable in his presence. For me, his very presence is soothing and THAT has always been attractive to a person who usually feels like I have sparks flying off of me.

If I had my way I'd be laying on the couch with my head on his lap and him playing with my hair lol. That's the best way to get me to relax though THAT might bring about bone-jumping fantasies.

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[kamikazebaby]

@Random I have trouble being honest with therapists partially because I don't want to be judged, and I know they'll judge me no matter what they pretend to be/feel/think. It's bad enough with them even being aware of the BPD.

[ThunderGoddess]

I don't like or trust my current therapist I actually can't wait to be out of individual with her, it's really unfortunate that I have to see her to continue DBT group because I love the group but just haven't felt a good connection with individual therapist since day one.

Plus I just recently found out she only started there this July that is one month before I started seeing her, so that is a bit concerning for me because she always seem disorganized and often interrupts me while I'm speaking and answers phone calls in almost every session, it's just unprofessional and feels like a waste of my time.

I really liked my old therapist who I still see on occasion and intend on going back to after I finish DBT. I don't feel attached to her but I do like her very much and trust her.

[Unrigged64072835]

I haven't been attached to any of my therapists, though there are a couple that I would go back to in a minute if I could. I've been seeing my current therapist since 2011, and while he's good I don't feel anything for him. In fact I'm thinking of finding a new one who could work better with my issues.

[Lady Lazarus]

I either love or hate my therapists, but I know pretty much on the first visit which way it is going to go. for example, I love my new therapist and I have only met with her twice. While i am not sexually attracted to her or anything like that, I do feel like I am going through withdrawal without her. I tend to fall for the kind and young therapists who are validating and interested in what i have to say. i despise therapists who are even the slightest bit confrontational. Those therapists never lasted long because they would be me shut down and tune out (dissociate?) which wasn't productive for anyone.

[YMIHere]

Originally Posted by ThunderGoddess

I don't like or trust my current therapist I actually can't wait to be out of individual with her, it's really unfortunate that I have to see her to continue DBT group because I love the group but just haven't felt a good connection with individual therapist since day one.

I'm so sorry to hear this. I don't know that I'd continue to see someone that I didn't like or trust. Though I will admit that in the past I was not so discerning. So far I really like the one I have now, so I would think that if the time ever came for us to part ways the next person would have a higher bar to reach. I do tend to be too trusting so maybe that's why I never had that issue.

Originally Posted by Lady Lazarus

I either love or hate my therapists, but I know pretty much on the first visit which way it is going to go. for example, I love my new therapist and I have only met with her twice. While i am not sexually attracted to her or anything like that, I do feel like I am going through withdrawal without her. I tend to fall for the kind and young therapists who are validating and interested in what i have to say. i despise therapists who are even the slightest bit confrontational. Those therapists never lasted long because they would be me shut down and tune out (dissociate?) which wasn't productive for anyone.

I always have ridiculous expectations so my current therapist didn't impress me much first session. I didn't think he had what I was looking for but I literally told myself, "IT WAS YOUR FIRST MEETING!!!!!" I had to remember that it does take a bit of time to start to click and to be honest, it really didn't take long. I'm all about "labels." My whole life, I need to be able to fit things in a box (part of my struggle is I don't fit in said box so well).

On first inspection (reviewing credentials) I thought his primary experience was addiction and that was not my focus so I was disappointed. But he's much more than that and we are getting on famously. Before coming here I never thought of the word "validating," but yes, that's what he does. I've said elsewhere on the forum that as a child I never really thought I had it that bad. We had food, didn't move around a lot. Had clothes and stuff kids want - toys, records etc. But the reality is that after my Dad died, that's about ALL my Mom did. We were pretty much on our own and my mother was very manipulative. My Dad died 31 years ago, but I actually needed someone to point out that that was a tremendous loss at 13 and that it DOES have an impact.

And if I reach out to him between sessions it's OK. First off, I never would have THOUGHT of reaching out between sessions unless there was an emergency or something, but he gave me permission once and it's nice to know he's OK with that. THAT scored high in my book. Seems like he's in it to help, not make money. Though, to be fair, he's NEW. Maybe give him a few more years and he'll be disgruntled like the rest of them lol.

[kamikazebaby]

Originally Posted by Fharraige

I haven't been attached to any of my therapists, though there are a couple that I would go back to in a minute if I could. I've been seeing my current therapist since 2011, and while he's good I don't feel anything for him. In fact I'm thinking of finding a new one who could work better with my issues.

I hear you. It's tough to find a match. I think the longest I've ever seen any therapist is around a year. Then I have to continue the search to find one that can be useful and trustworthy.

[kamikazebaby]

Originally Posted by Lady Lazarus

I either love or hate my therapists, but I know pretty much on the first visit which way it is going to go. for example, I love my new therapist and I have only met with her twice. While i am not sexually attracted to her or anything like that, I do feel like I am going through withdrawal without her. I tend to fall for the kind and young therapists who are validating and interested in what i have to say. i despise therapists who are even the slightest bit confrontational. Those therapists never lasted long because they would be me shut down and tune out (dissociate?) which wasn't productive for anyone.

I hate the confrontational ones, too. There is no way I can share or be remotely vulnerable with those people. There are so many bad therapists. It amazes me.

I was seeing a therapist for 3 years and never once did I feel attached to her, I was more attached to my nurse.

[kamikazebaby]

Originally Posted by ThunderGoddess

I don't like or trust my current therapist I actually can't wait to be out of individual with her, it's really unfortunate that I have to see her to continue DBT group because I love the group but just haven't felt a good connection with individual therapist since day one.

Plus I just recently found out she only started there this July that is one month before I started seeing her, so that is a bit concerning for me because she always seem disorganized and often interrupts me while I'm speaking and answers phone calls in almost every session, it's just unprofessional and feels like a waste of my time.

I really liked my old therapist who I still see on occasion and intend on going back to after I finish DBT. I don't feel attached to her but I do like her very much and trust her.

That's a difficult situation to be in. Tolerating a really bad therapist for the sake of a good group. Have you ever said anything to her about doing other things on your time?

[kamikazebaby]

Originally Posted by YMIHere

On first inspection (reviewing credentials) I thought his primary experience was addiction and that was not my focus so I was disappointed. But he's much more than that and we are getting on famously. Before coming here I never thought of the word "validating," but yes, that's what he does.

It's so important that a therapist be validating. Very few actually are. Plus, once they suspect or know that you have BPD, everything seems to change. It becomes pointless and even damaging to interact with the therapist.

Originally Posted by YMIHere

And if I reach out to him between sessions it's OK. First off, I never would have THOUGHT of reaching out between sessions unless there was an emergency or something, but he gave me permission once and it's nice to know he's OK with that. THAT scored high in my book. Seems like he's in it to help, not make money. Though, to be fair, he's NEW. Maybe give him a few more years and he'll be disgruntled like the rest of them lol.

That's really shocking that you can contact him directly. Very nice. He seems committed. A rarity! Hopefully he won't lose that.