Angry

I want to scream and shout. I want to break something. Even if it hurts me. I want to see something shatter against the wall. I want to be the one to do it. To be in control. I want to let go in a store and go crazy. I want to snap at someone. I want to take this mask of being alright off. But instead I return to my state growing up. Bottle the anger, and pass it on to someone who is going to shake it till the top wants to pop. I want to explode and release the pressure. But I just sit still in corners and stare at the wall. No tears. No shaking. Just anger. Lots of it. Why? I don't know. I wish I could break that the most. But I'm entitled to my feelings, so I'll leave them in the bottle for a little bit longer.

It must be hard to be so angry. Exhausting, too. I hope you find a healthy way to deal with it. Anger can be so destructive and hurtful. I wish I had a way to help you express it in a positive way. Therapy might help if you haven't tried it yet. Buy some garage sale dishes and break them. Punch pillows. Safe ways to let the anger out.

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I know those feeling too well.

This is me pretty much everyday. I think it's worse being self-aware and knowing that the responses I have to situations that trigger me aren't acceptable only makes it that much worse. Best wishes. <3

This may be a stupid idea, but have you considered joining a gym or taking a martial arts class? I'm joining my boyfriend's judo class to help me let off a lot of the same bottled up anger and emotions that you've described.

Just an idea. I'm sorry you're going through this :/

I'm sorry you are feeling angry estrella I know it's really hard to feel so much anger and not really know where to place it or what to do with it. I'll share what I have recently been trying for anger and it helps me understand it, then helps me create a solution.

I got this idea from a book called Reconciliation healing the inner child by Thich Nhat Hanh.

Sometimes I am able to do this when I start to feel angry but usually I do this when I am not angry because I am trying to make it become instinct and it's easier to make something instinct when you are doing it away from strong emotions.

I sit down on my yoga mat or lay on my bed just somewhere I won't be disturbed and I feel comfortable. I set my phone alarm for 10-15 mins. I close my eyes and picture a house and imagine all of the feelings I have are in the basement of the house.When I first started doing this my feelings were just puffs of different colored smoke anger was red hurt was blue happy was yellow ect. but eventually they turned into images of myself sometimes me as a child or teenager it depends on how and why I was feeling a certain way but it's always me now.

I open up the basement door and I call out for anger to come up and have tea with me and usually hurt wants to come up with anger a lot and I will make tea for all three of us. I usually picture myself putting my arm around hurt while we sit at the table and conversing with anger. I ask anger what problem have you been trying to get me solve that I haven't been listening to? Lets talk about how we can solve this problem. Usually hurt just wants to be cuddled and treated kindly but I ask hurt if something needs my attention.

This helps me to really understand what my emotions are trying to tell me I ask them as many questions as I can in the time I set and try to have a conversation with them. When the alarm goes off I tell them anytime they need to come up they can meet me at the kitchen table or the living room and we will drink tea and figure it out together.

It may sound crazy to some people but it really has helped me a lot and I feel like I take care of myself better by listening to my inner self that has been hurt, neglected and treated unfairly. And it helps to remind me that just because others have treated me poorly doesn't mean I have to treat myself poorly.

Hopefully you may be able to use that approach to see what's going on in the inside but if not that is okay too.

I was thinking about joining kick boxing I don't know how well regular exercise helps with anger but it's worth a try I think!

Wow, very cool! Thanks for sharing this